Work then Pedi then MEXICO!

Here's the equation:
Work
(except my school doesn't have turrets).

















Then


(Except there will probably be some Asian guy by my feet instead of flowers)



















Then

Mexico.....

Click it.

For Tania

I started to feel bad about posting this, but then I remembered that Fergie's stupid song is like number one on the charts and she makes millions of dollars, so now I don't feel so bad. So, here goes.
How does someone so un-photogenic end up so famous? How are you allowed to sing on TV, the radio, and everywhere else when you just really can't? It's these kinds of questions that make the universe so confusing. I guess recording studios with their fancy overlaying can make anyone a singer. And make-up can make anyone look halfway decent.
Here's the problem though. Eventually, people will realize that you can't sing, Ferg. They will. Won't they? Eventually all the background dancers in the world and additional non-singers won't be able to cover up your non-talent.
Tasty! Tasty!

Let's Hear Some Good News

I just got done reading what was possibly the most depressing article ever. The first few lines are:
"It would be a lot easier to enjoy your life if there weren't so many things trying to kill you every day. The problems start even before you're fully awake."
The article is called "How Americans are Living Dangerously." Here's a link in case you want to be totally depressed on purpose.

I also looked at CNN. It appears that dork of a country--China--has blown up a satellite--on purpose. Apparently it was bothering them being up above the earth so high that they just had to knock it down so that the idea of a useless satellite in space wouldn't keep them up at night. Well, that would be quite all right with me except that CNN/Time says, "The James Bond-style exercise left a several-hundred- meter-wide cloud of scrap metal floating around in space. Some of the debris could pose a threat to spacecraft passing through the region, scientists say, and will remain a problem for hundreds of years to come. And there will be repercussions on Earth, too." So, really, they didn't get rid of the satellite completely. They just broke it up into a million little pieces much like James Frey or Mike Teavee from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Here's something else that's ticks me off: the article never says what the repercussions on Earth will be. Is this going to affect the weather? Really, we don't need to be shooting things out of the sky. Just let them stay up there, China.

Same Blog, Different Colors

Do you like the new color scheme? Well, it doesn't really matter if you do or not because I'm not changing it back. I figure that this way the writing stretches all the way across the page. What a novel idea, huh?

Time to Vote

You know those songs that you hear and it makes you think of the good ol' days? Like Johnny Holden parties and such. Well, I guess it probably only makes you think of Johnny Holden parties if you are Kelly, Amanda, Chip, or me. But anywho, you know what I mean. So, what are your favorite good ol' days party songs? I'm going to tell you right now that I'm putting No Diggety on the list. I'm sure Kelly will second that motion.

Oh No!

OH NO! Poor Southern California. They don't know what to do with themselves. They are SO cold. Wah. Wah.
What are they going to do? They can't even wear their bikinis around today! Oh NO! Get out your winter coats! What? You don't have any? All you own are bikinis and beach wear? Oh, my bad.

Crippling Ice Storm

Well, I was just on The Weather Channel's website. It seems that we're in for a CRIPPLING ICE STORM!!!! It would be bad enough if I saw that there was an ice storm headed our way. I think it's rather unnecessary to add the word CRIPPLING. Watch out, Texas! It seems that you are getting the worst of it. DAMAGING ICING!!! This sounds like one apocalyptic ice storm if you ask me.
Wow. In other news, scientists are moving the doomsday clock forward this week.

I Knew There Was a Secret!

Now that I've read this article, I think I could be well on my way to infamy if I wanted to....

How to become "teacher of the year" article.

Calling All Ladies

Danger! Danger! Brad Pitt is beginning to look OLD! AHHH!!!! What is going on?
Oh, wait. I know. Stupid Angelina J. What is wrong with your big lips that you're making Brad Pitt look so old?







He's starting to look like...dare I say it? Arnie!! Egad.















Let's take a stroll down memory lane and remember what good ol' BP looked like in the good ol' days.




















Even when he wore a dress and thought he was a space monkey, he looked better than now with stupid AJ. What's wrong with you Brad Pitt? Geez.

Don't Stop, Get It Get It

Who else loves Feel Good Inc. by The Gorillaz? I do. I do. It's a nutty good song if you haven't heard it. If you aren't familiar with The Gorillaz, they are a weird little group. They have secret identities. They will only be known by their cartoon selves, which I don't understand because apparently the lead singer is the guy from Blur (remember the Woo Hoo song...Song 2?) and he's actually pretty good looking compared with his cartoon self. His cartoon self is the guy with no eyes. They go to great lengths not to be seen I guess including playing behind secret curtains and stuff during their concerts. It's a little much if you ask me. Plus, who wants to go to a concert and not even see the band?

Why is it so warm yet gray outside today??? The weather is so strange lately. The fact that it's not snowing is kind of freaking me out.

Do you like fish sticks? I'm making some right now. I am going to eat them with tartar sauce. Yum.

DDR

I have a new addiction. Dan started it. He got me dance dance for Christmas. Well, I have to say that it's a lot better than working out for real. You just dance up a storm, which I enjoy, and burn up all those calories from the giant plate of Chinese food you ate last night. Not all bad. I stink at it, but that's okay. There's a little guy in the game that encourages you to do better. He'll say, "That's all right! Grades aren't everything." Thanks, buddy. Then, if you're doing really bad (as I often am) he'll say, "Maybe you should spend some time in the training room." One day, I hope to be as good as these idiots. For now, I'll settle for not making people scream when I wear my bathing suit in Mexico.

Merry Christmas

I love this little message maker that office depot has. I made a message featuring my dad and I have to say that it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Here's hoping you're done with all your shopping. (I'm not.)

Have a good Christmas!

Oh No They Didn't!

Well, I was at Target yesterday. I was Christmas shopping, and I went down the pink Barbie aisle to look at Barbie dolls for my cousin. I picked up a Barbie that came with a dog because, you know, I like dogs and it seemed like a good combo. Then, I looked a little closer at that package. Then, I showed Daryl and we just about had a melt-down in the middle of Target. I was laughing so hard I was crying and people were looking at us. Staring, really. So, here's the product:


Did you know Barbie® doll has a dog named Tanner™? This pooch is has a mouth, ears, and tail that move with your help! You can even “feed” Tanner dog biscuits! After the pup goes potty, just clean up with a special trash can and magnetic scooper. Good doggie!

Okay, in case it's hard to see the picture, let me break it down for you. Yes, that is a pooper scooper in Barbie's hand. Has it really come to this, Barbie. I mean, when I was younger, you worked at McDonald's so that you could afford your chintzy silver Corvette, but this has really gone too far. The specific workings of the dog food/dog poop relationship were outlined on the back of the box at the store. You see, the food is conveniently brown and turd shaped. The child who plays with the toy can feed the dog the food and then lift its tail to see him poop it out. Then, I guess it's time for old Barbie to go to work with her scooper. Then, I guess it's just a matter of recycling if you will.

If you go to this link, you will see that Barbie has not done a good job of picking up the yard and Tanner has taken it upon himself to clean up.

Unfortunately, this doesn't end with Barbie and Tanner.

Teresa® doll takes great care of her adorable pet! Mika™ cat can drink water from a bottle and really “wet” her litter box. Teresa® even scoops up the clumps! They come with cool cat toys, a cat food bowl, different colored kitty litter, and more. Good kitty!

Guess WHAT!?!

I am going to Mexico.

Guess how many days until I go? Did you guess? You can click here to find out the answer.

I thought that you all were not so good at the contest I put up. I don't think I'll have any contests where I promise prizes anymore because, really, I'm no good at getting prizes together. Let's face it. I can barely get my Christmas shopping done. If you feel like you deserve a prize, then you probably do, so click here. There's your prize!

As a person in life, what grade would you give yourself. I'm feeling like maybe a B- today. That's pretty generous, don't you think?

C o n t e s t

Who can tell me the lyrics to the following songs? No fair cheating by looking them up.

This one gets progressively more difficult.

This one is also difficult (but no progressively so).

I heard this at Pilar's wedding and, well, I like it...but the lyrics???

The wiener of this contest will get a wonderful prize.

In Response to Dad's Comment

My Favorite Scene

I just have to say that I love the scene in Napoleon Dynamite when he's dancing with what's her name and that song is playing. So good. Oh wait, that's maybe when Napoleon arrives at the dance. Doesn't matter. I love it.

so many adventures couldn't happen today

so many songs we forgot to play

so many dreams are swinging out of the blue

we let them come true

Damn It!

Too bad my birtday is already past. And that I don't live in Florida.

Or else....

No Wonder I Feel LIke a Troll

Have you seen this video?
Model makeover
You have to click play video.
This is quite distubing and bizarre. Do you think they do this to every picture in magazines, etc?

About This Weekend

I was going to call this blog "Fun Things About This Weekend," but then I realized that fun is in the eye of the beholder.

1. Daryl was home.
2. The time change (very awesome).
3. I got a new coat for my birthday.
4. We got a new rake (not for my birthday, but just in general).
5. I had the best waitress ever at Max & Erma's.
6. Sweetums learned to 'hump'. Is there a better word for this? Sorry to be offensive, but it is what it is.
7. There was a guy sitting in his car outside our house putting on makeup for about 15 minutes. He appeared to be neither gay nor a clown. Weird.
8. I made chip dip and it was so good with my chips.
9. I went to Borders and spent my gift certificate. Bookstores make me happy.
10. Barkley and Sweetums got to play with Elsie, Pepper, and Jazzy all in one weekend.
11. Uncle Tom was in the Free Press. Look at his picture:

More Tigers...

What can I say? I'm just so excited about the Tigers. Ok. Not so excited that I had to buy an AL Champs shirt at JC Penney's when I was there on Sunday like the mobs of other people. No, I'm not that person.
How cool is Detroit? Well, it turns out that besides all the crack houses and burnt out buildings in complete disrepair, actually pretty cool. Signs that Detroit is cooler than all other cities:

1. Kid Rock gave an impromptu performance when the Tigers won.(Click here to see.)
2. There is a new Tigers' song. (Well, isn't there always...some joker has to make one.)
3. Well, we have Pudge. Say no more.

Go Tigers!

Congratulations Tigers! ALCS Champs! To the WORLD SERIES!!!
(Also, happy 100th blog to me.)

Go Detroit Tigers!

What a Good Book

I love reading. Right now I'm reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (He writes like the Dickens...hahar har). Anyway, have you ever read this? I like it.
Not that I have a choice since I have to teach it this year, but it's good that I like it. I'm about two chapters ahead of the kids, so I'm as surprised as they are when something happens. They ask me, "Do you ever find out why such and so did that?" And I'm very clever; I say, "You'll have to wait and see." See, I have no idea really.
My lack of knowledge as far as classic literature goes is astonishing to me. You would think that I might have read some of this stuff in college. I've read Olaudo Equiano like four times (which I do teach in one class, so I guess that paid off), but I somehow never got to read other classics. Weird.

The Bat

I was alarmed when I checked my blog comments to see that someone was unfamiliar with The Bat.

AKA Pepper

She is a two ton package of muscle and pudge. She is as fast as a race car and as mean as a werewolf. She acquired the nickname The Bat from going up-side-down and sticking her ears back, looking much like a ferocious bat.

How We Spent Our Weekend

(Without pictures...sorry)

By Bat

Mom and Dad go on a smelly bus full of senior citizens to get a new supply of Jesus juice. Dad hold his AARP card up so lady will let him play bus BINGO.

Anyroo, we stay with crazy nieces Barkley and Sweetums. They play crazy and bite each other in the head all day long. Barkley, she lose her collar a lot. Why nont her big ears keep it on?

Cousin Daryl and Sandy Big Clunky I'm Late For Work Shoes are stingy with the cookies. We cry best we can, but only three or four cookies a day come offa the counter.

So Elsie, she cry real loud and them BAM....her tail busts open at the seam. It get all over the couch and she throw up orange stuff too. Now really no cookies.

Just in Time for the Play-Offs

I have carefully conducted a poll of over 100 people in my free time, and I am proud to present the 2006 Sandy Tiger-A-Thon Award Winners.

Here are the results...

Hottest jaw line.............Pudge

Player most likely to be a distant relative of mine.....Sean Casey

Player whose age will most surprise you.............Curtis Granderson (He's only 24)

Resident fattie (who by default hits awesome home runs)......Matt Stairs

Secret hottie........Brandon Inge (don't tell Daryl)

Cabbage Patch doll look-a-like.........Magglio Ordonez

Funniest name.........Jordan Tata

Most likely to think he's spotted a Chupacabra during practice.... Carlos Guillen

Most likely to charge out of the dugout much like a raging bull.....Pudge

What the heck?

Now all of my pictures have turned into big red x's. I didn't tell it to do that. What's going on?? How am I supposed to post my comparison of Magglio Ordonez and a cabbage patch kid if I can't use pictures?

Things I Hate

Yippee, my sidebar has returned to its upright and proper position. Okay. Enough celebrating... on to the list of things I hate.

1. That guy in the paper who writes the column about how to win at bridge. Get a real job, puh-lease.
2. Blackhawks.
3. Screaming teenagers at 7:00 in the morning. It's homecoming time again!!
4. That my garage door opener only works about 25% of the time and I have to hit the button and run real fast in my work clothes and almost get killed by the door.
5. Candy corn.
6. Cleaning.
7. When people pay for their groceries with a check and don't even get their checkbook out until the cashier tells them the total. Is the fact that you actually have to pay a total surprise???
8. All holidays and holiday decorations.
9. (8b really) Christmas ads in October. You know they're on their way....we only have a few more Christmas-free weeks left, so you best enjoy it.
10. Larry King.
11. Children who have cell phones.
12. Copier jams. (Please clear the jam in area 4A, 2C, 5D, J10....you sunk my battleship.)
13. Stupid people who don't realize they're stupid.
14. When I'm trying to just buy my groceries and get the hell OUT of Meijer and the cashier has to ask if I want to buy a fountain drink. Uh, no. I plan to go home and EAT SOME OF MY GROCERIES IF YOU'LL LET ME OUT OF THE STORE.
15. People at work asking if I'm new when I have worked there for 3 years.
16. While I am fixing the jammed copier.

Back to School

Well, yesterday was the first day of school. That means today was the 2nd day. I'm a little bit tired, my eyes hurt, and my patience is running low. All seems fine so far otherwise. Oh, except that I have 34 kids in one of my classes. What the heck? That is too many essays to grade. Too many. I need a bigger room. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Rainy Day

I woke up today and smiled because I knew exactly what my dad would be saying. "That's a nice, soaking rain." In fact, my dad has many different classifications for rainy days. Here they are...
A drizzle...That'll be a nice, soaking rain.
Moderate rain....That's a nice, soaking rain.
A downpour....That's a nice, soaking rain.
Hurricane style rain....That's good for my garden. That's a nice, soaking rain.

New Girl

Because I have no life right now, I will tell you about our neighbor. Partly, I just want to pass on Daryl's new theory because I love it.
You see, our neighbor is probably about our age, he lives by himself, and he used to have this girlfriend who was very nice. She would chat with me over the fence sometimes. I could really envision living next door to her once they got married...ya da ya da. I think it would have been nice to have someone my age around here to talk with...our neighbor is nice, but not much of a conversationalist....so the girlfriend filled that void.
HOWEVER, I was walking Barkley and Sweetums a few weeks ago and my neighbor...we'll call him George...George is outside with a teeny tiny little yorkie dog. "Did you get a dog?" I asked him. He DOES NOT seem like the kind of person who would have a yorkie. So he says, "No, it's my girlfriend's." Thinking that it was the girlfriend that I always talked with, I almost replied with oh, I didn't know she had a dog or something of the sort, but then I didn't and I'm glad. Why? BECAUSE I soon found out that this was not the old girlfriend. He had a new one...just...like...that! Bam!
So, let me tell you about this new one. I don't like her for starters. She walks her Yorkie around the block wearing gold shiny pants. Uh, yeah. Then, she drives a brand new red convertable Thunderbird. And, oh, she is not smart. I've only talked to her briefly and I can tell you that. She's a hair twirler. So, apparently George dumped the good girlfriend to go out with this yahoo. I don't know.
This week Daryl came up for a theme song for George...I love it. Once you hear it, you'll understand what Daryl's theory is.

What is Wrong with My Sidebar?

Seriously now! Is there a specific reason it has moved to the bottom of the page? Have I offended it in some way?

The Blog-o-Versary is Upon Us

Well, Aug. 20th is my blog-o-versary. One year of post this ridiculous blog. Can you believe it? I figured that I ought to post about it today since I am going to Wahington DC to celebrate my blog-o-versary on the actual blog-o-versary. Ok, maybe that's not actually why I'm going to DC, but nevertheless, I won't be here.
Happy One Year of BLOGGING!

My Theory

Well, you've probably seen Nicole Richie on TV. She's famous for...nothing. Oh, her dad is Lionel Richie, big deal. Wait, you cry. I've seen the VH1 Behind the Scenes. Lionel is her adoptive dad. This, of course, begs the question, who is her real dad? I have a theory. It came to me in a burst of enlightenment. Call me Voltaire. I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but I did, and my theory is excellent. I think Prince or the artist formerly known as Prince or the Purple dude might be her dad. I have several reasons for this theory. First, they look a lot alike. Then, both Lionel Richie and Prince worked closely with Shelia E, so there's a connection. Really, Nicole Richie's father is rumored to be Shelia E's brother, but I don't buy it. It's more fun to think that Prince is her real dad.

I Might Need a Hobby

With Daryl being at work pretty much constantly and me being home all the time, I have been developing some strange habits. I was sitting at my kitchen counter today, eating my left-over Chinese food from last night, and I looked down at Sweetums and Barkley and said, "Are you the puppies?" When they didn't answer I repeated myself in a more sing-song voice as if that would elicit a response. They wagged their tails at me which either meant you are so stupid and we feel sorry for you or give us your General Tso's Chicken.
Either way, my days are now filled with such ridiculous conversations. Oh, I ask them other questions too like, "Are you a happy puppy?" and "Where's the good girl?" Don't ask me why.
Another problem I have is that MTV is running a "Laguna Beach: Life in the Real O.C." Marathon. How many times have I watched Jason kiss Jessica when he is supposed to be hooking up with Lauren? I'm not sure I want to know.

Barkley's Song

Barkley's Song
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you can't get me out of your face
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to lick you

And kitty in your lap or no
When you're too in love to let her go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to lick you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you can't get me out of your face
Tears stream down your face
And I will try to lick you
Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from your mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to lick you.

I love the first picture...notice that I am holding the cat. She doesn't mind though.
Ok, who am I kidding? If you have ever watched Sesame Street, you know that this is the real Barkely song. Who can guess what it is?? I'll give you a prize if you know.

Have Any Extra Money Sitting Around?

You may have noticed a new feature on my blog called "Something You Probably Don't Want to Buy from Ebay." I just checked to make sure that the links still work and was surprised to notice that both items that I had featured sold for a considerable amount of money. Would you pay $86 for a stuffed armadillo? I didn't think so...because I wouldn't have any friends that would do something so silly. If I found out about any sillyness of that sort, you would immediately cease to be my friend. No pressure though. Seriously, someone paid 86 dollars for a stuffed armadillo. Why do you need that? What are you going to do with it?? Don't even get me started on the gourds. Uh.
Here is some other crap from Ebay that I'll be mad if anyone actually buys:
Item #1
Item #2
Item #3
Item #4

I Miss You, Victor Newman!

Y&R, a blast from the past!
Well, I thought that I would subscribe to the Free Press so that I could be more educated about the going-ons of our community, nation, and world. It turns out that I pretty much try to do the crosswork puzzle, clip coupons (I saved 5.50 last time I shopped at Meijer), and read the soap opera update in the TV Guide. Oh, and I also cut out pictures of Pudge Rodriguez from the Sports sections and magnet them to the refrigerator.
Well, I had almost forgotten about good ol' Y&R (rightly so) until I opened up my copy of the TVBOOK, and saw a synopsis of last week. Here's what's happening:
After sharing his true past with Victoria, Brad learned the Sharon has been kidnapped, with the abductor demanding a reliquary that Brad's mother has knowledge of in return for Sharon's life. Encouraged by Jack to pursue his spiritual journey, Vicotr sought out Hope in Kansas, where he suffered a seizure. When Alex demanded more money, Kevin and Gloria drugged him and made him believe they had a security tape on which Alex was trying to rape a woman. However, urged by Phyllis to tell the truth, Daniel finally told Lily what really happened at the recreation center that night. Over Lily's protests, Neil called the police and insisted that Lily speak to the officer.

My favorite Y&R characters (in order of favoriteness):
1. Victor Newman (duh)
2. Jack Abbott









3. Katherine 'Kay' Shepard Reynolds Chancellor Thurston Romalotti Romalotti
4. Jill Foster Brooks Abbott Abbott

A Good Way to Find Out What Other People are Really Up To

I tried to watch this episode of Nova the other day about String Theory. I have a hard time with complex scientific theories, so I turned it off after about 20 minutes of being confused. See, string theory proposes that up to 14 different dimensions may exist. I was surprised because I thought there was just 3. Then, I talked to my brother who is so smart that I'm afraid his brain might explode. He just finished taking quantum mechanics in college and he told me that there is for sure a 4th dimension...time. Wow. I learned something new. Then he tried to explain what the other dimensions would be like...something about a sheet and a ball and the ball pulls down on the sheet and gravity. I don't know. It was confusing.
So, here I am trying to forget about all this string theory stuff because it just makes my head hurt, and then I go reading this article about making people invisible. More stuff about bending the electrons. Oh, when will it ever end? I don't know who thinks this stuff up, but they are probably not sitting at home eating hash browns and green beans like I am right now.
Invisible Article
Very Confusing Website About String Theory (Makes my head hurt)

Being Rich Doesn't Make You a Singer

For anyone who knows anything about me, you know I love love love UB40 (much to Kelly's dismay). Unfortunately, Paris Hilton has taken it upon herself to copy their music. Boo! Hiss! Of course, she's denying that her song sounds anything like theirs. It doesn't take a musical genius to figure out that she stole from UB40. Judge for yourself:
Paris' Stupid Song (You'll have to watch the video to hear the song because I can't find a link to the song anywhere)
Kingston Town by UB40
Worse yet, her video is a total rip off of Chris Isaac's "Wicked Games" video.
Again, take a look:
Chris Isaac's Video
Paris Hilton's Trash
You know, since I don't have anything else to do today, I might go to a music store and slap the people who try to buy this garbage.

Things I've Said to the Dog Today

The title of this blog implies that I am only talking to one of the dogs. That is correct; this is not a grammatical mistake.
We don't bite the chair.
Why did you eat my underwear?
That's not nice.
How did you eat so much of it?
I SAID we don't bite the chair!
Don't jump on my head.
Where's my sock?
Did you eat the whole thing?
Time to go night-night.
No bark.
Get away from the chair.
No biting her head.

Finito!

Let's Celebrate! I've finished my work for a masters degree!

United We Dance You control Britney & Bush as they hit the dance floor!

Play this free game now!!

Lend Me Some Sugar! I am Your Neighbor!

Ug. I hate porfolios. I have been working on this stupid thing for hours and hours and the pile of work seems to be decreasing only slightly. I have to turn it in on Thursday, so I better just keep going. I am taking a short break now so that I can eat my strawberry rhubarb pie for lunch. Let me make clear that I did not eat lunch and then this is my dessert. I am eating pie for lunch. Never a good sign.
I am so pround though. I have not procrastinated nearly as badly on on this portfolio as I would have guessed I would. I'm doing pretty good actually. I'm setting goals; I'm meeting them. Of course, the prissy little elementary school teacher who came in with her porfolio finished on the second day of class really made me furious. Now, she has all the time in the world to add little details that she buys at Michaels craft store. Gag me now.
Anyways, one of my favorite songs came on, so I'll share. If you've never heard it, it's awesome.
Its only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
just do your best, do everything you can.
and don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
everything will be just fine,
everything will be alright

This Just In

The newly crowned Miss Universe bears an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Teeth of the muppets. More than that, both of them enjoy wearing gaudy hats. What a pair!

Good to Know...

Take the quiz:
What Kind of Apocalypse Are You?

Zombie Apocolypse
You are stubborn and headstrong, but your methodical and straightforward nature comes in handy when you are in the middle of a ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE. Just remember that a little flexibility and paying close attention to your assets will help you a great deal when fighting off hordes of the undead. Don't let the lumbering beasts of terror get you down, with a little determination you can get through anything.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Oh, No You Didn't Other Lil' Kim

UGH!!! Somebody tell me that if I ever go to jail you will meet me outside in a Rolls with flowers and balloons when I get released! Oh, and don't forget my bodyguard.

Way to go, Lil' Kim.

Oh No You Didn't Lil' Kim!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Shame on you.
You may remember a recent blog in which I explored the possibility of North Korea shooting off a test missile. If not, click here.
To be fair, Kimmy Kim Kim did not shoot off a test missile, he shot off 7. On the 4th of July. While we were launching the space shuttle.
Uh, Kim. I think you need to remember whatwe told you before, which I have documented in a former blog: "A North Korean missile launch would be 'a provocation and a dangerous action' that would lead to the United States imposing 'some cost' on North Korea." That does not sound like good news to me, Kim.
Well, wait a second, here's what W said today: "The North Korean government can join the community of nations and prove its lot by acting in concert with those of us who believe that she shouldn't possess nuclear weapons and with those of us who believe that there is a positive way forward for the North Korean government and her people," Bush said. "This is a choice they make." Maybe you're gonna be okay, Kim.

This actually sounds a lot like what happens in many households around the country...
Daddy W: Don't you throw your peas, Kim-Kim.
Kim: (Fills his spoon with extra peas.)
Daddy W: I'm warning you; you do that and your mother and I will be very upset.
Kim: (Smiling and cocking his spoon back.)
Daddy W: That's not a good idea, son.
Kim: (Sticks his tongue out and waits.)
(Telephone rings and Daddy W. answers. Kim lets peas rip.)
Daddy W: (after finishing his call) I told you not to do that. Luckily, those peas didn't hit me, or else you'd really be in trouble. You go to your room. You can come back and join the rest of the family when you can sit here without launching your peas at me.

So Funny

This site is so funny that it made me laugh till I cried. I stole it from my mom's blog. It reminds me a little of work. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Making a Balony Sandwich.

What if Cap'n Crunch Actually Tasted Good?

Then, I would love it. See, I love the basic premise of Cap'n Crunch, but it is way too sweet. So today, I found its beautifully perfect replacement, Puffins. It may be the perfect cereal, and I may have another bowl.


-->Each Box Contains: 11 oz. (312g) As light and crunchy as Original Puffins, but made with real peanut butter. Ingredients: Corn Meal, Dehydrated Cane Juice, Natural Peanut Butter (Ground Peanuts, Salt), Oat Flour, Rice Flour, Sea Salt, Vitamin E (Mixed Tocopherols), Baking Soda.

On the Banks of the Red Cedar in Birmingham

I made it through my first week of class for MSU. I've turned in two papers already. Woo Hoo. Now let me ask you, when a professor advises you to buy a 'bottle or two of cheap red wine' within the first five minutes of class, is that a good thing? Or should I be scared? Actually, that advice came out of a letter of advice to future classes from a former student. The professor did choose to read the letter though.

A Good Use of Time and Grammar by President Bush

W says, "I ain't nothing but a hound dog."
Unfortunately, I didn't make this up either...

PRESIDENT BUSH: First of all, the Prime Minister and I would like to thank Priscilla and Lisa for their gracious hospitality. And we thank the Graceland staff, as well, for arranging this unusual experience. First of all, my presence here shows it's never too late to come to Graceland. Laura and I are -- we've known Elvis Presley since we were growing up. He's obviously a major part of our music history. He had an international reputation. His reputation was so strong that he attracted the attention of the now Prime Minister of Japan.
I was hoping the Prime Minister would want to come to Graceland. I knew he loved Elvis -- I didn't realize how much he loved Elvis. He not only knows Elvis' history, he can sing a pretty good Elvis song. This visit here shows that not only am I personally fond of the Prime Minister, but the ties between our peoples are very strong, as well.
And so, again, to the Presleys, thank you all. And Mr. Prime Minister, glad you joined us. Want to say a few comments?
PRIME MINISTER KOIZUMI: It's like a dream. I never expected President come with me to visit Graceland. There's Elvis song: To Dream Impossible. (Singing Elvis song.) (Laughter.) My dream came true. Thank you very much for -- thank you. Thank you very much for treating me nice, the Elvis song. (Singing Elvis song.) Thank you.
PRESIDENT BUSH: We're going to go have some barbeque, thank you.

Nice Elvis glasses, Mr. Prime Minister....

The Number One Sign of Our Country's Decay and Eventual Downfall is...

The Washington National Cathedral in Washington, D.C., of course. Let me start at the beginning. Daryl and I are planning a trip to D.C. sometime in August. I know, I know...I was just there with the kiddies, but Daryl has never been. I figured I would use my free trip from the school to kind of scope out where we would most like to go on our vacation.
Well, when I was there with the kids, we drove by the National Cathedral. It is beautiful, so I thought maybe it would be cool to take a tour of the cathedral when Daryl and I visit in August. So, that brings me to today and my current freak out. I was online looking for information about the Cathedral and I discovered something VERY disturbing. I'll just allow you to guess at what it is, but no worries...I'll give you some hints.
First hint: Whoever runs the cathedral decided it would be a good idea to have a contest and let someone design something to be carved, yes CARVED, into the cathedral....
Second hint: The carving is kind of a gargoyle, but it is of a famous movie icon.
Go ahead...guess....what might they have decided to carve into the National Cathedral...an symbol of all that is pure and holy in our nation's capitol?
Did you guess Darth Vader??? You're right! Ok. Now you have to click here to go see it. Can you even believe this crap?
I'm not even making this up. It's on the National Cathedral's website and everything. I guess they had a contest and some twerp who wanted Darth Vader in there won. Ug.

Has This Ever Happened to You?

From the Detroit Free Press:

Motorist finds dead man under vehicle
June 22, 2006
By JOE SWICKARD
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER
A motorist who pulled into a service station in Lincoln Park early Thursday morning found a dead man wedged beneath her vehicle.“The driver pulled into the station at Outer Driver and I-75 about 1 a.m. because she had trouble steering and there was a body underneath,” Lincoln Park Police Lt. Robert Steele said.The investigation was turned over to Detroit Police because the incident is believed to have happened in the city, Steele said.The Detroit Police Fatal Squad is investigating, but the public information office said that no details were available.Steele said the young driver, who was not identified, may have run over the man while he was lying in the street near Schaefer and Annabelle in Detroit. It is not known if the man was already dead when the driver ran over him.

North Korea's Missiles

I just wanted to get the facts straight on this whole thing with North Korea and their missile(s). So, like any good researcher, I came up with some questions and tried to answer them using the news resources available on the web.
#1 How far can the Taepodong 2 travel?

• BBC says, "Alaska or Hawaii is within its reach and even the continental US if a lighter warhead were used."
• "Experts estimate it could potentially hit the mainland United States with a small payload. However, the missile is unlikely to be accurate."
• They actually have a lot more of these other missiles called Nodong missiles. "As many as 200 Nodong missiles are in North Korea's arsenal. With a range of about 620 miles, Japan is their most likely target."
  #2 Will they actually test the missile?
• "White House national security adviser Stephen Hadley told reporters it remained uncertain if North Korea actually planned to conduct a test-firing of the missile."
• They have done it before: "North Korea shocked the world in 1998 when it fired a missile, part of which flew over Japan and landed in the Pacific Ocean."
  #3 What can the US do to defend itself against North Korean missile attacks?
  The Good News:
• The United States has spent hundreds of millions of dollars on missile defense systems during the past few decades.
• AP says, "In Washington, a top Pentagon official said Thursday that a North Korean missile launch would be 'a provocation and a dangerous action' that would lead to the United States imposing 'some cost' on North Korea."
• "U.S. defense officials in Washington on Tuesday said the United States has activated its ground-based interceptor missile-defence system."

The Bad News:

• BBC says, "It is likely that the US has activated its still unproven and limited anti-missile defence systemhas which has so far failed to intercept a single missile in recent tests."
• BBC also says, "The US appears to be relying more on the hope that North Korea is bluffing."
• AP says, "U.S. missile-defense system under development has 'limited operational capability' to protect against weapons such as the long-range missile
  North Korea is said to be near firing."
• "The way out of this is for North Korea to decide not to test this missile," Hadley said.

Don't worry; South Korea plans to help:

• "South Korea, which has been slow to criticize North Korea in the past, has also threatened to withhold rice and fertilizer aid if a test goes ahead."
  

A little background on North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Il. Time magazine says about him: " Evil? Yes. Genius? No." Many people must be jealous of this...wouldn't we all like to be evil non-geniuses?

Some of his accomplishments:
"Architect of a catastrophic famine that has killed hundreds of thousands—maybe millions—of his subjects since 1995."
"Virtuoso skills on the Internet" (Although none of North Korea's citizens are allowed to look at the internet.)
"Prone to egregious lapses of judgment, especially in a crunch. That is what makes the present crisis so very scary: not the high caliber of America's adversary, but precisely the opposite."
"Kim is said to be a film fan, owning a collection of some 20,000 video tapes, which Kim himself denies. In 1978, on the orders of Kim, the South Korean film director Shin Sang-ok and his actress wife Choe Eun-hui were kidnapped in order to build a North Korean film industry."
"He reportedly enjoys following National Basketball Association games. Madeleine Albright ended her summit with Kim by presenting him with a basketball signed by Michael Jordan."
"He sometimes wears lifts and platform shoes (he is 5 feet, 3 inches tall)."
"Kim is reported to have fathered thirteen illegitimate children."
"Before 1995, Kim Jong-il was frequently accused of dishonesty, drunkenness, sexual excess of various kinds and even insanity, particularly in the South Korean press."

So...knowing all of this, let me remind you of the United State's number one defense against this guy, "We don't know exactly what North Korea has in mind. ... We don't know what's under the nose cone of that missile, just for starters. I think it's appropriate to say ... 'don't go there,'" says U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton. Yeah, don't go there you platform shoe wearing, drunken, video loving, crazy guy. Just don't go there.

School's Done; Lots O Fun

La la la... Well, I have one week of my very own, to spend however I like. Daryl is in Georgia learning how to get more information out of me, and I still have one week until I start taking my classes. So, I've been to the dentist, Target, and the pool today. The dentist found a cavity in my very way back wisdom tooth. She said, "I'm willing to give it a whirl," which means that my mouth is really gonna hurt from stretching it wide open on Thursday which is when I will be having my cavity filled. She doesn't really like it when I get cavities on my wisdom teeth.

I have a pool pass now. In fact, I just got back from swimming. That pool is pretty nice..it's an outdoor pool. It only has one lap lane though...so, I was swimming with this 15 or 16 year old kid. He wasn't doing too well...I was kicking his ass, in fact, because he really couldn't even make it a length. Too bad for him. Then, these little kids came in the lap lane and were like...I'm gonna swim laps. Then the lifeguard yelled at them, but they were like, no, I'm gonna swim laps. And they did swim one. Then they got out. That was good. I was afraid that if they kept coming in the lap lane, I wouldn't see them and then WHAM! Like a cannonball to the gut, I would hit them. Luckily, they got back on their side. Then, when I stopped to rest once this kid came over and was like, Are you on a swim team? A long time ago I was, I told him. Why don't you swim over here? And he pointed to the all-kid-screamy area. Over there? Cause it's too wavy and there would be a bunch of people in my way. Then, the 15 year old...trying to hit on me I think...said Nice excuse....big smile. I'm thinking, It's not an excuse...it's the truth. It is too wavy.

Now, I will make myself a giant yogurt smoothie with extra berries and walnuts because that is what I want to eat whilst I watch Dr. Phil.

I Must Be Out of My MInd

People often comment to me that teachers are overpaid. I get the summer off you know. Well, let me tell you, I disagree. I want to offer up some proof of why we teachers are paid exactly what we should be (if not a little less). Exhibit A: Footage of the high school that I teach at. I need to let you know that this was filmed at 7:00 IN THE MORNING. If this happens at your work at 7:00 in the morning, please, let me know.
What's more, many portions of this footage were filmed right outside my classroom door while I was trying to grade some essays.

Mucho Better

I feel much better today. In celebration of my new found happiness, I give you Six Foot Leaping Hare on Steel Pyramid by Barry Flanagan. It may be dangerous for me to look at the 20th Century Art Book too often. I'm starting to wonder if I'm in the wrong profession altogether.
Good songs to make you feel happy that are also about rabbits:
Song A
Song B
Song C
Song D
Well, those may only be "good" songs if you're on some kind of drugs. I like Song C the best, but that's just my personal opinion. Actually, it may also be Barkley's favorite. And Elsie's too.

My Very Bad Mood

Do you ever feel like the whole world has bad karma and it's making a gicky feeling in your stomach? I do. Right now. I hate feeling gicky, but right now there is no other way to feel. I have made a list of songs to suit my gicky mood. I'm not giving them away ahead of time, so you will need to click them if you care...

Oh, also it took me about two minutes to find good paintings to put on here to go with my mood. I have a 20th Century Art Book, and anytime you wanna feel real depressed you can just look through it. It's just a book of depression, that's all. I mean, if you're in a good mood, don't read it at all cause it'll bring you right down, but if you're in a bad mood then it's ready and waiting to come right along with you. The first painting is Black Painting No. 34 by Ad Reinhardt. See, that's part of what makes looking that the 20th Century Art book depressing. You look at these paintings and realize some idiot got paid a lot of money to paint this piece of garbage. The book says Reinhardt "believed that it was impossible to represent the idea of an actual object on canvas." So, apparently what he decided to do was become a painter, you know because...I don't know. The saddest part...oh, yeah, there's a sadder part...do you realize that this is number 34? 34 of these stupid black paintings. Who picked this one? How is this one possibly better than number 30? Or 5?

The second piece here is called The Ribbon of Extremes and it's by Yves Tanguy. Right away I like Yves a little better because at least he put some thought into this. At least there's junk melting all over. I like that a little bit.

Now for the music:

Song A

Song B

Song C

Song D

And, of course, what would Drew and Mike play? What else?

Song E

Ok. That's enough.