Experiment

I don't know if it's the snow plows driving down the street, or if I've been reading too much Twilight, but I've been inspired. You know when you're listening to the radio and a really sappy love song comes on? So, I have two responses to this. One response is the one I do when I'm all by myself in the car. I turn the song up really loud and then sing and then get embarrassed and then stop and turn the channel because the song is really mushy and I feel like I'm moments away from becoming a total doofus. My other response happens when Daryl's in the car with me. If he's in the car, I crank up the song and sing out of tune really, really loud. In all fairness, out of tune is really the only way I can truly sing anyways, but I go more out of tune on purpose. And I look over at him during the most poignant parts of the song. When he tries to turn the station, I usually comment about how he must not like my singing, then I continue to torture him some more.

So, I don't know what my problem is, but I was thinking that maybe one whole mushy love song is maybe a little too much for me. So, I took all my favorite love songs and chopped them up into more tolerable pieces and fashioned my own love song. It's nice, if I do say so myself.

If Daryl's lucky, I'll come up with a melody and sing it for him on Valentine's Day next year to make up for my non-gift-giving this year.

Love Song #37:

When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
Now, I'll never dance with another
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
And who would've thought what they said was true
But it was and you are light and darkness coming through
We were both young when I first saw you
They buy me all these icees
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you
bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
this world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me


"That's a pretty good." -Strongbad

Martha, My Dear

I love nothing else more than people who rile up Martha Stewart. It's possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen. And I love Joel McHale. And, if you've never seen Amy Sedaris...well, here's your chance. Amy is David Sedaris' sister, and she's just as funny. Don't you dare ask me who David Sedaris is.

Amanda's List

My friend Amanda made herself a crazy list of 1,000 things she wants to do by May 1st or something. I guess she did this because she has all kinds of free time now that she has baby-o-rama going on at her house. I don't know.

But as soon as I saw that nonsense, I told her to stop it right away. It's not that I'm averse to getting things on a list done, but this list was like some kind of list you might put together if you had spent all day at the engineering building at MSU and came home and were still in that mode of thinking. All people MSU will know what I'm talking about here.

So, I offered to make her a new list. This list, I think, is more practical and certainly more fun. You won't find any rubbish about saving money or buying a new pair of sensible shoes on this list. No, this is far more daring and exhilarating.

1. Find the tallest tree in your neighborhood. That way, when people come to your house, you can say, "Did you notice the tallest tree in our neighborhood?" I'll tell you right now that nobody will notice because people (unfortunately) are not usually that perceptive. Then, when they tell you no, you can point and say, "Yeah, it's that one over there."
   
   
2. Plan a day to clean the gutters on your house. Tell everybody that the day you've planned is gutter cleaning day. Make a big deal out of it. You could even send out an email. Then, when gutter cleaning day comes, get a ladder and go up on your roof. Then, take off your clothes to reveal your new snazzy bathing suit. And then get out your secret stash of suntan lotion. And then just lay out in the sun all day. When the day is over, come down off the roof and tell everyone it was a lot of hard work and the reason you're all hot and sweaty is that you were trying to get all this junk unstuck from the gutters. Then just go lie down and say that you're tired and need a nap. People will feel really sorry for you.
   
   
3. Come to Michigan and go real sledding. I almost cried when I saw the Texas sledding video.
   
   
4. Go to this website. It cleanses your soul and clears your mind.
   
   
5. Clean your house and get everything put away. Then, call someone from the National Association of Professional Organizers and ask then to come by and give you an estimate on how much it would cost to tidy up your house. Really talk your house up on the phone like it's really, really awful. Ask questions like, "What about if I just put all of the pizza boxes from the last five years in my closet? Then what?" or "How do you dispose of sour cream containers that have been left out on the counter for like...35 weeks?" or "I know I've heard of black mold, but what if it's magenta?" or "Do they sell things for like throwing away dirty baby diapers? We just put them all in the attic." Then, when they get to your house, be like...what?
   
   
6. Walk by a karate studio that has a big window out to the parking lot, and when the people inside look out at you, pretend to be a ninja. I did that the other day. Daryl was scared for my safety, but it was lots of fun.
   
   
7. Tell everybody that you smashed your car up and it's in the shop. Then, go and rent a Porshe and then when people ask, tell them that's what the rental shop gave you because they were fresh out of Ford Focuses. Drive it around for a week or two. Oh yeah, it should be yellow.
   
   
8. Give a little money to charity. What did you expect? You need to do something to make up for all the lying you'll be doing throughout the rest of this list.
   
   
9. You're going to need to take a few days off of work for this one. Read Twilight. Then, you'll of course want to read the next book and you will be addicted and...well, you need to take a few days off of work for that.
   
   
10. Listen to this song. Because how can you not be in a good mood when this song is on? Bobbyitsaybobbyiton.