I HATE Bugs

I thought gardening was supposed to be relaxing and tranquil. Well, in my experience, IT IS NOT. I tried to go in the front garden to pull some weeds about a week ago only to find that the gutter above the garden was infested with wasps. Not wanting to get stung, I canceled my plans and got out the wasp spray instead. And set it on the kitchen table. And waited. And then Daryl came home. Because, you see, I don't like to kill wasps. It's just not my thing.
So, this weekend I figured it was safe to garden because Daryl had been on wasp patrol. I checked on the wasp situation and it was all clear. So, I went to work. I was working hard to pull this giant viney thing out of the bushes when I felt something squish juicily between my fingers. I knew the instant that I felt the liquid sensation in my hands that something completely disgusting had happened. I was right. Do you know what a horned tomato worm is? Because you're going to find out. I was so grossed out that I had to take a picture of this garden fiend.
I had not squished it too bad, so it was still bucking around the twig during its photo op. I put a quarter next to it so you can understand how big it is. Daryl said it was "very forensic" of me. I think so, too.
See, I didn't know what it was. I just knew that it was the biggest, ugliest bug I think I had ever seen. Ever. So, I did a little research. Come to find out that the horned tomato worm can lead a pretty sad life, but no matter. You do not want one of these bad boys in your garden chompin' at your maters. Good thing it was FAR away from Daryl's tomatoes. It turns out that the BFTK (big fat tomato killer) has a pretty good chance of being taken over by a parasite. If it does, then it will have white thingys all over it and they will kill the BFTK and little Braconid wasps will hatch out of the white things (the internet teaches me so much). Look at the pictures and you'll know what I mean. So I was thinking that maybe we shouldn't have been so fast with killing those wasps. I honestly would rather have Braconid wasps than the BFTK. BUT...ew...I just thought of this. What if the BFTK would have been covered with those white thingys when I grabbed at it. EW EW EW.
If the BFTK makes it through life to be an adult, it turns into a gigantic moth. It can be up to 5 inches and people can mistake it for a humming bird. I'm not kidding.

What is a question?

? I'm generally fairly confident in my teaching of English. I feel like I've got the concepts down myself and can explain them well. Today, however, my task was far more daunting than usual. I have discovered in my class a child who does not understand what a question is.
Let me explain.
I asked my darling 8th graders to pick one particular event in their life (we had a giant bru-ha-ha leading up to this...we did drawings, we made timelines, the whole deal). So, pick an event. No problem. Everyone was good with that. Then, I said, "If someone wanted to know more about this life event of yours, what kinds of questions would they ask you?" I showed them what I meant by using my own life. "We want to know about when you went to college," they said. "Fair enough," I said. What would you like to know?
Was it hard? Do you feel smart now? Where did you live? Was the food good? Were you in a sorority? (If they only knew...) Did you have a boyfriend and did he get in your way? (If only they knew...)
So, then we talked about the difference between "yes or no" questions and questions with a lot of meat. We decided meaty questions were the way to go, so they beefed up their questions for me...
Then it was their turn. "What do you think people might want to know about the life event that you picked. What kinds of questions would they ask? Write them down." As I was roaming about the room, I noticed that one lad's paper said: 1. Lived with my grandpa.
"Is that the event that you're going to ask questions about?" I asked.
"No, I'm going to write questions about when I moved," said the boy.
"Ok. So, is that your first question?"
"Yes."
"Lived with my grandpa. When I read that does it sound like a question? Something that you could give an answer to?"
"Yes."
That was not the answer I wanted. "So I walk up to you and ask, 'Lived with my grandpa?' What would your answer be?" See, this is a trick question for the boy....There couldn't be an answer because it's not a question. I'm so sneaky.
"I would tell you about moving."
"Really. Hm...A question is something you ask. It has a question mark at the end. That's not a question. It's kind of a statement. A fact."
"No, it's a question about how I moved."
"It's the answer to a question," I prodded.
"No, it's the question."
Dear Lord. Someone help.
I really, really, really think this kid had no idea what the difference is between a question and an answer is. None. How can you go through school and not figure that out? Isn't questioning and answering the basic premise of school? I promise you that he wasn't being a jerk or a smart alec. This kid was dead serious. When I made a suggestion as to how to revise his "question" he didn't want to.
So, for tomorrow...how do I explain what a question is to someone who does not understand the concept?

So Random

Note: After hundreds of years on the "no can do" list, the Shakespearean/Elizabethan collar ruffle is back! Also, huge sleeves and necklaces will compliment the look.

You can't control my techno.

Remove Foot from Mouth

"Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them," Mrs. Bush told American Public Media's "Marketplace" program, before returning to her multi-million dollar Houston home."

Thanks, Barbara B. I guess there's only one thing to say for those poor jerks in the Astrodome. LUCKY!
No, seriously. Those Bushes. They have one heck of a problem in their gene pool. If you don't believe me, look here. Or here. And my favorite....is he drunk?

Middle School

Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis So, in case you have never played, that's how the penis game pretty much works. You see, I was sitting in one of my three rooms after school today with the windows open when some boys outside began a vigorous round of the penis game. The goal (in case you've never played) is to take turns saying the word penis at a volume somewhat louder than the person before you. Curiously, this is a game played mainly by boys. The nice thing about the game is there's no limit to the number of players you can have, so nobody feels left out. Everybody can participate. And usually everybody does. So, that's my experience teaching middle school in a nutshell.
In other news, we went to Julie and TJ's wedding on Saturday. It was lovely. Tania and I danced like crazy fools and embarrassed our husbands as much as possible. I was drinking cranberry and vodka. Need I say more?
Also, do you want to hear the story of Why the Opossum's Tail is Bare? Click Here. In case you don't know, I am deathly afraid of opossums. I hate them. Did you know they hiss? Like cats? Well, they do. My total and utter disgust of opposums stems from my dad. He told me untrue stories about opposums dropping out of the trees and made me think that they would do so while I was walking to high school.

Knockin' Around in My Head

My brother gave me a CD with his favorite music on it and I am in love with the song Banquet by Bloc Party. So good. Guess what? You can love it too. You can download it FOR FREE at Amazon. Trust me when I say that this will be your new favorite song that will never get out of your head. The best things in life are free for once.

Today I Will Use the Giant Quotes

Let's just see here.

"And yes, the giant quotes are ON. Good. Good.
Yesterday Daryl and I watched The Aviator. I can't remember whether you're suppose to italicize or quote movie titles. I think italicize, but I will do nothing since it is my blog and doesn't have to be all proper and whatnot. I get enough of that with my day job. Anyway, The Aviator. Yes. It was pretty good, but long. The guy likes to wash his hands a lot. Also, you get to see Leo's butt, which is pretty flat and skinny. He's just a pretty skinny guy overall, so I'm not really surprised about his butt. "

No more giant quotes. Do you like the three headed dragon? I do.