I Miss You, Victor Newman!

Y&R, a blast from the past!
Well, I thought that I would subscribe to the Free Press so that I could be more educated about the going-ons of our community, nation, and world. It turns out that I pretty much try to do the crosswork puzzle, clip coupons (I saved 5.50 last time I shopped at Meijer), and read the soap opera update in the TV Guide. Oh, and I also cut out pictures of Pudge Rodriguez from the Sports sections and magnet them to the refrigerator.
Well, I had almost forgotten about good ol' Y&R (rightly so) until I opened up my copy of the TVBOOK, and saw a synopsis of last week. Here's what's happening:
After sharing his true past with Victoria, Brad learned the Sharon has been kidnapped, with the abductor demanding a reliquary that Brad's mother has knowledge of in return for Sharon's life. Encouraged by Jack to pursue his spiritual journey, Vicotr sought out Hope in Kansas, where he suffered a seizure. When Alex demanded more money, Kevin and Gloria drugged him and made him believe they had a security tape on which Alex was trying to rape a woman. However, urged by Phyllis to tell the truth, Daniel finally told Lily what really happened at the recreation center that night. Over Lily's protests, Neil called the police and insisted that Lily speak to the officer.

My favorite Y&R characters (in order of favoriteness):
1. Victor Newman (duh)
2. Jack Abbott









3. Katherine 'Kay' Shepard Reynolds Chancellor Thurston Romalotti Romalotti
4. Jill Foster Brooks Abbott Abbott

A Good Way to Find Out What Other People are Really Up To

I tried to watch this episode of Nova the other day about String Theory. I have a hard time with complex scientific theories, so I turned it off after about 20 minutes of being confused. See, string theory proposes that up to 14 different dimensions may exist. I was surprised because I thought there was just 3. Then, I talked to my brother who is so smart that I'm afraid his brain might explode. He just finished taking quantum mechanics in college and he told me that there is for sure a 4th dimension...time. Wow. I learned something new. Then he tried to explain what the other dimensions would be like...something about a sheet and a ball and the ball pulls down on the sheet and gravity. I don't know. It was confusing.
So, here I am trying to forget about all this string theory stuff because it just makes my head hurt, and then I go reading this article about making people invisible. More stuff about bending the electrons. Oh, when will it ever end? I don't know who thinks this stuff up, but they are probably not sitting at home eating hash browns and green beans like I am right now.
Invisible Article
Very Confusing Website About String Theory (Makes my head hurt)

Being Rich Doesn't Make You a Singer

For anyone who knows anything about me, you know I love love love UB40 (much to Kelly's dismay). Unfortunately, Paris Hilton has taken it upon herself to copy their music. Boo! Hiss! Of course, she's denying that her song sounds anything like theirs. It doesn't take a musical genius to figure out that she stole from UB40. Judge for yourself:
Paris' Stupid Song (You'll have to watch the video to hear the song because I can't find a link to the song anywhere)
Kingston Town by UB40
Worse yet, her video is a total rip off of Chris Isaac's "Wicked Games" video.
Again, take a look:
Chris Isaac's Video
Paris Hilton's Trash
You know, since I don't have anything else to do today, I might go to a music store and slap the people who try to buy this garbage.

Things I've Said to the Dog Today

The title of this blog implies that I am only talking to one of the dogs. That is correct; this is not a grammatical mistake.
We don't bite the chair.
Why did you eat my underwear?
That's not nice.
How did you eat so much of it?
I SAID we don't bite the chair!
Don't jump on my head.
Where's my sock?
Did you eat the whole thing?
Time to go night-night.
No bark.
Get away from the chair.
No biting her head.

Finito!

Let's Celebrate! I've finished my work for a masters degree!

United We Dance You control Britney & Bush as they hit the dance floor!

Play this free game now!!

Lend Me Some Sugar! I am Your Neighbor!

Ug. I hate porfolios. I have been working on this stupid thing for hours and hours and the pile of work seems to be decreasing only slightly. I have to turn it in on Thursday, so I better just keep going. I am taking a short break now so that I can eat my strawberry rhubarb pie for lunch. Let me make clear that I did not eat lunch and then this is my dessert. I am eating pie for lunch. Never a good sign.
I am so pround though. I have not procrastinated nearly as badly on on this portfolio as I would have guessed I would. I'm doing pretty good actually. I'm setting goals; I'm meeting them. Of course, the prissy little elementary school teacher who came in with her porfolio finished on the second day of class really made me furious. Now, she has all the time in the world to add little details that she buys at Michaels craft store. Gag me now.
Anyways, one of my favorite songs came on, so I'll share. If you've never heard it, it's awesome.
Its only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
just do your best, do everything you can.
and don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
everything will be just fine,
everything will be alright

This Just In

The newly crowned Miss Universe bears an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Teeth of the muppets. More than that, both of them enjoy wearing gaudy hats. What a pair!

Good to Know...

Take the quiz:
What Kind of Apocalypse Are You?

Zombie Apocolypse
You are stubborn and headstrong, but your methodical and straightforward nature comes in handy when you are in the middle of a ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE. Just remember that a little flexibility and paying close attention to your assets will help you a great deal when fighting off hordes of the undead. Don't let the lumbering beasts of terror get you down, with a little determination you can get through anything.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Oh, No You Didn't Other Lil' Kim

UGH!!! Somebody tell me that if I ever go to jail you will meet me outside in a Rolls with flowers and balloons when I get released! Oh, and don't forget my bodyguard.

Way to go, Lil' Kim.

Oh No You Didn't Lil' Kim!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Shame on you.
You may remember a recent blog in which I explored the possibility of North Korea shooting off a test missile. If not, click here.
To be fair, Kimmy Kim Kim did not shoot off a test missile, he shot off 7. On the 4th of July. While we were launching the space shuttle.
Uh, Kim. I think you need to remember whatwe told you before, which I have documented in a former blog: "A North Korean missile launch would be 'a provocation and a dangerous action' that would lead to the United States imposing 'some cost' on North Korea." That does not sound like good news to me, Kim.
Well, wait a second, here's what W said today: "The North Korean government can join the community of nations and prove its lot by acting in concert with those of us who believe that she shouldn't possess nuclear weapons and with those of us who believe that there is a positive way forward for the North Korean government and her people," Bush said. "This is a choice they make." Maybe you're gonna be okay, Kim.

This actually sounds a lot like what happens in many households around the country...
Daddy W: Don't you throw your peas, Kim-Kim.
Kim: (Fills his spoon with extra peas.)
Daddy W: I'm warning you; you do that and your mother and I will be very upset.
Kim: (Smiling and cocking his spoon back.)
Daddy W: That's not a good idea, son.
Kim: (Sticks his tongue out and waits.)
(Telephone rings and Daddy W. answers. Kim lets peas rip.)
Daddy W: (after finishing his call) I told you not to do that. Luckily, those peas didn't hit me, or else you'd really be in trouble. You go to your room. You can come back and join the rest of the family when you can sit here without launching your peas at me.

So Funny

This site is so funny that it made me laugh till I cried. I stole it from my mom's blog. It reminds me a little of work. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Making a Balony Sandwich.

What if Cap'n Crunch Actually Tasted Good?

Then, I would love it. See, I love the basic premise of Cap'n Crunch, but it is way too sweet. So today, I found its beautifully perfect replacement, Puffins. It may be the perfect cereal, and I may have another bowl.


-->Each Box Contains: 11 oz. (312g) As light and crunchy as Original Puffins, but made with real peanut butter. Ingredients: Corn Meal, Dehydrated Cane Juice, Natural Peanut Butter (Ground Peanuts, Salt), Oat Flour, Rice Flour, Sea Salt, Vitamin E (Mixed Tocopherols), Baking Soda.

On the Banks of the Red Cedar in Birmingham

I made it through my first week of class for MSU. I've turned in two papers already. Woo Hoo. Now let me ask you, when a professor advises you to buy a 'bottle or two of cheap red wine' within the first five minutes of class, is that a good thing? Or should I be scared? Actually, that advice came out of a letter of advice to future classes from a former student. The professor did choose to read the letter though.

A Good Use of Time and Grammar by President Bush

W says, "I ain't nothing but a hound dog."
Unfortunately, I didn't make this up either...

PRESIDENT BUSH: First of all, the Prime Minister and I would like to thank Priscilla and Lisa for their gracious hospitality. And we thank the Graceland staff, as well, for arranging this unusual experience. First of all, my presence here shows it's never too late to come to Graceland. Laura and I are -- we've known Elvis Presley since we were growing up. He's obviously a major part of our music history. He had an international reputation. His reputation was so strong that he attracted the attention of the now Prime Minister of Japan.
I was hoping the Prime Minister would want to come to Graceland. I knew he loved Elvis -- I didn't realize how much he loved Elvis. He not only knows Elvis' history, he can sing a pretty good Elvis song. This visit here shows that not only am I personally fond of the Prime Minister, but the ties between our peoples are very strong, as well.
And so, again, to the Presleys, thank you all. And Mr. Prime Minister, glad you joined us. Want to say a few comments?
PRIME MINISTER KOIZUMI: It's like a dream. I never expected President come with me to visit Graceland. There's Elvis song: To Dream Impossible. (Singing Elvis song.) (Laughter.) My dream came true. Thank you very much for -- thank you. Thank you very much for treating me nice, the Elvis song. (Singing Elvis song.) Thank you.
PRESIDENT BUSH: We're going to go have some barbeque, thank you.

Nice Elvis glasses, Mr. Prime Minister....

The Number One Sign of Our Country's Decay and Eventual Downfall is...

The Washington National Cathedral in Washington, D.C., of course. Let me start at the beginning. Daryl and I are planning a trip to D.C. sometime in August. I know, I know...I was just there with the kiddies, but Daryl has never been. I figured I would use my free trip from the school to kind of scope out where we would most like to go on our vacation.
Well, when I was there with the kids, we drove by the National Cathedral. It is beautiful, so I thought maybe it would be cool to take a tour of the cathedral when Daryl and I visit in August. So, that brings me to today and my current freak out. I was online looking for information about the Cathedral and I discovered something VERY disturbing. I'll just allow you to guess at what it is, but no worries...I'll give you some hints.
First hint: Whoever runs the cathedral decided it would be a good idea to have a contest and let someone design something to be carved, yes CARVED, into the cathedral....
Second hint: The carving is kind of a gargoyle, but it is of a famous movie icon.
Go ahead...guess....what might they have decided to carve into the National Cathedral...an symbol of all that is pure and holy in our nation's capitol?
Did you guess Darth Vader??? You're right! Ok. Now you have to click here to go see it. Can you even believe this crap?
I'm not even making this up. It's on the National Cathedral's website and everything. I guess they had a contest and some twerp who wanted Darth Vader in there won. Ug.

Has This Ever Happened to You?

From the Detroit Free Press:

Motorist finds dead man under vehicle
June 22, 2006
By JOE SWICKARD
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER
A motorist who pulled into a service station in Lincoln Park early Thursday morning found a dead man wedged beneath her vehicle.“The driver pulled into the station at Outer Driver and I-75 about 1 a.m. because she had trouble steering and there was a body underneath,” Lincoln Park Police Lt. Robert Steele said.The investigation was turned over to Detroit Police because the incident is believed to have happened in the city, Steele said.The Detroit Police Fatal Squad is investigating, but the public information office said that no details were available.Steele said the young driver, who was not identified, may have run over the man while he was lying in the street near Schaefer and Annabelle in Detroit. It is not known if the man was already dead when the driver ran over him.

North Korea's Missiles

I just wanted to get the facts straight on this whole thing with North Korea and their missile(s). So, like any good researcher, I came up with some questions and tried to answer them using the news resources available on the web.
#1 How far can the Taepodong 2 travel?

• BBC says, "Alaska or Hawaii is within its reach and even the continental US if a lighter warhead were used."
• "Experts estimate it could potentially hit the mainland United States with a small payload. However, the missile is unlikely to be accurate."
• They actually have a lot more of these other missiles called Nodong missiles. "As many as 200 Nodong missiles are in North Korea's arsenal. With a range of about 620 miles, Japan is their most likely target."
  #2 Will they actually test the missile?
• "White House national security adviser Stephen Hadley told reporters it remained uncertain if North Korea actually planned to conduct a test-firing of the missile."
• They have done it before: "North Korea shocked the world in 1998 when it fired a missile, part of which flew over Japan and landed in the Pacific Ocean."
  #3 What can the US do to defend itself against North Korean missile attacks?
  The Good News:
• The United States has spent hundreds of millions of dollars on missile defense systems during the past few decades.
• AP says, "In Washington, a top Pentagon official said Thursday that a North Korean missile launch would be 'a provocation and a dangerous action' that would lead to the United States imposing 'some cost' on North Korea."
• "U.S. defense officials in Washington on Tuesday said the United States has activated its ground-based interceptor missile-defence system."

The Bad News:

• BBC says, "It is likely that the US has activated its still unproven and limited anti-missile defence systemhas which has so far failed to intercept a single missile in recent tests."
• BBC also says, "The US appears to be relying more on the hope that North Korea is bluffing."
• AP says, "U.S. missile-defense system under development has 'limited operational capability' to protect against weapons such as the long-range missile
  North Korea is said to be near firing."
• "The way out of this is for North Korea to decide not to test this missile," Hadley said.

Don't worry; South Korea plans to help:

• "South Korea, which has been slow to criticize North Korea in the past, has also threatened to withhold rice and fertilizer aid if a test goes ahead."
  

A little background on North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Il. Time magazine says about him: " Evil? Yes. Genius? No." Many people must be jealous of this...wouldn't we all like to be evil non-geniuses?

Some of his accomplishments:
"Architect of a catastrophic famine that has killed hundreds of thousands—maybe millions—of his subjects since 1995."
"Virtuoso skills on the Internet" (Although none of North Korea's citizens are allowed to look at the internet.)
"Prone to egregious lapses of judgment, especially in a crunch. That is what makes the present crisis so very scary: not the high caliber of America's adversary, but precisely the opposite."
"Kim is said to be a film fan, owning a collection of some 20,000 video tapes, which Kim himself denies. In 1978, on the orders of Kim, the South Korean film director Shin Sang-ok and his actress wife Choe Eun-hui were kidnapped in order to build a North Korean film industry."
"He reportedly enjoys following National Basketball Association games. Madeleine Albright ended her summit with Kim by presenting him with a basketball signed by Michael Jordan."
"He sometimes wears lifts and platform shoes (he is 5 feet, 3 inches tall)."
"Kim is reported to have fathered thirteen illegitimate children."
"Before 1995, Kim Jong-il was frequently accused of dishonesty, drunkenness, sexual excess of various kinds and even insanity, particularly in the South Korean press."

So...knowing all of this, let me remind you of the United State's number one defense against this guy, "We don't know exactly what North Korea has in mind. ... We don't know what's under the nose cone of that missile, just for starters. I think it's appropriate to say ... 'don't go there,'" says U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton. Yeah, don't go there you platform shoe wearing, drunken, video loving, crazy guy. Just don't go there.

School's Done; Lots O Fun

La la la... Well, I have one week of my very own, to spend however I like. Daryl is in Georgia learning how to get more information out of me, and I still have one week until I start taking my classes. So, I've been to the dentist, Target, and the pool today. The dentist found a cavity in my very way back wisdom tooth. She said, "I'm willing to give it a whirl," which means that my mouth is really gonna hurt from stretching it wide open on Thursday which is when I will be having my cavity filled. She doesn't really like it when I get cavities on my wisdom teeth.

I have a pool pass now. In fact, I just got back from swimming. That pool is pretty nice..it's an outdoor pool. It only has one lap lane though...so, I was swimming with this 15 or 16 year old kid. He wasn't doing too well...I was kicking his ass, in fact, because he really couldn't even make it a length. Too bad for him. Then, these little kids came in the lap lane and were like...I'm gonna swim laps. Then the lifeguard yelled at them, but they were like, no, I'm gonna swim laps. And they did swim one. Then they got out. That was good. I was afraid that if they kept coming in the lap lane, I wouldn't see them and then WHAM! Like a cannonball to the gut, I would hit them. Luckily, they got back on their side. Then, when I stopped to rest once this kid came over and was like, Are you on a swim team? A long time ago I was, I told him. Why don't you swim over here? And he pointed to the all-kid-screamy area. Over there? Cause it's too wavy and there would be a bunch of people in my way. Then, the 15 year old...trying to hit on me I think...said Nice excuse....big smile. I'm thinking, It's not an excuse...it's the truth. It is too wavy.

Now, I will make myself a giant yogurt smoothie with extra berries and walnuts because that is what I want to eat whilst I watch Dr. Phil.

I Must Be Out of My MInd

People often comment to me that teachers are overpaid. I get the summer off you know. Well, let me tell you, I disagree. I want to offer up some proof of why we teachers are paid exactly what we should be (if not a little less). Exhibit A: Footage of the high school that I teach at. I need to let you know that this was filmed at 7:00 IN THE MORNING. If this happens at your work at 7:00 in the morning, please, let me know.
What's more, many portions of this footage were filmed right outside my classroom door while I was trying to grade some essays.

Mucho Better

I feel much better today. In celebration of my new found happiness, I give you Six Foot Leaping Hare on Steel Pyramid by Barry Flanagan. It may be dangerous for me to look at the 20th Century Art Book too often. I'm starting to wonder if I'm in the wrong profession altogether.
Good songs to make you feel happy that are also about rabbits:
Song A
Song B
Song C
Song D
Well, those may only be "good" songs if you're on some kind of drugs. I like Song C the best, but that's just my personal opinion. Actually, it may also be Barkley's favorite. And Elsie's too.

My Very Bad Mood

Do you ever feel like the whole world has bad karma and it's making a gicky feeling in your stomach? I do. Right now. I hate feeling gicky, but right now there is no other way to feel. I have made a list of songs to suit my gicky mood. I'm not giving them away ahead of time, so you will need to click them if you care...

Oh, also it took me about two minutes to find good paintings to put on here to go with my mood. I have a 20th Century Art Book, and anytime you wanna feel real depressed you can just look through it. It's just a book of depression, that's all. I mean, if you're in a good mood, don't read it at all cause it'll bring you right down, but if you're in a bad mood then it's ready and waiting to come right along with you. The first painting is Black Painting No. 34 by Ad Reinhardt. See, that's part of what makes looking that the 20th Century Art book depressing. You look at these paintings and realize some idiot got paid a lot of money to paint this piece of garbage. The book says Reinhardt "believed that it was impossible to represent the idea of an actual object on canvas." So, apparently what he decided to do was become a painter, you know because...I don't know. The saddest part...oh, yeah, there's a sadder part...do you realize that this is number 34? 34 of these stupid black paintings. Who picked this one? How is this one possibly better than number 30? Or 5?

The second piece here is called The Ribbon of Extremes and it's by Yves Tanguy. Right away I like Yves a little better because at least he put some thought into this. At least there's junk melting all over. I like that a little bit.

Now for the music:

Song A

Song B

Song C

Song D

And, of course, what would Drew and Mike play? What else?

Song E

Ok. That's enough.

Our Nation's Capitol

Well, I survived the trip with the kids to Washington, D.C. I was thinking that I was pretty odd because my favorite place of all was Arlington Cemetery because it was so pretty. Then, I was talking to my grandma, and her favorite place is Arlington, too. I guess we're weird together.

We saw so much stuff....way too much if you ask me...in three days. The first day for me was a bust because I pretty much always have a headache the minute I get off of a plane, and this trip was no different. But nevertheless, we drove by a bunch of embassies. Then, we went to union station to eat lunch. The kids were thrilled because it's like a mall and they got to go shopping. (Cuz that's why we traveled all those miles.)

Then, we went to the capitol, but one of the kids in my group had a severe asthma attack. I was really scary and I had to wait with her outside while everyone got a tour of the capitol. That was okay though. It just scared me half to death because I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance for her. She had left her inhaler on the bus, which was about 20 blocks away. So, the principal and another chaperone ran back to get it while she got worse and worse. I know, know....Why, when you're asthmatic, would you leave your inhaler behind. I was asking myself the same thing. Anyways, she couldn't wait for them to get back and I was just about ready to call for help when this random lady stopped and asked if she needed an inhaler. I immediately pictured myself in court proceedings being sued for letting her use a medicine not prescribed to her. But, before I could say anything, the girl grabbed the inhaler and used it. I have to say that the woman did look businessy and clean cut... And the alternative, well, that wasn't too appealing either. Apparently most inhalers have pretty much the same medication in them, so it turned out to be okay. Then, she was better.
Aw...I'll just show you the pictures I took of the rest of it. I'm too lazy to type about the whole trip.

Oh Yeah, All Right

Daryl says....
I want a girl with a mind like a diamond
I want a girl who knows what's best
I want a girl with shoes that cut
and eyes that burn like cigarettes
I want a girl with the right allocations
Who is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack
She's playing with her jewelry
She's putting up her hair
She's touring the facility and picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket
I want a girl who gets up early (gets up early)
I want a girl who stays up late (stays up late)
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity (uninterrupted)
Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tinted glass
She is fast, thorough and sharp as a tack
She is touring the facility and picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long long jacket
I want a girl with a smooth liquidation (smooth liquidation)
I want a girl with good dividends (good dividends)
At Citibank we will meet accidentally (meet accidentally)
We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen
She wants a car with a cupholder armrest
She wants a car that will get her there
She's changing her name from "Kitty" to "Karen"
She's trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket

Mutt March

Here's a message from Barkley: Aba Aba Bark Bark

Would You Like Cheese With That?

Stop looking at me...
Fri May 26, 3:16 PM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - A swan has fallen in love with a plastic swan-shaped paddle boat on a pond in the German town of Muenster and has spent the past three weeks flirting with the vessel five times its size, a sailing instructor said Friday.
Peter Overschmidt, who operates a sailing school and rents the two-seat paddle boat on the Aasee pond, said the black swan with a bright red beak has not left the white swan boat's side since it flew in one day in early May.
"It seems like he's fallen in love," said Overschmidt. "He protects it, sits next to it all the time and chases away any sail boats that get anywhere nearby. He thinks the boat is a strong and attractive swan."
Overschmidt said the swan will figure it out sooner or later but hopes he won't be too heartbroken.
"I'll wish him all the best and hope that he doesn't make the same mistake again," said Overschmidt."

In other news, we are going to install a giant dragon in the backyard. I can only hope that it will rival grandma Burray's lawn animals...

I Rock

My paper is done. Finito. And I'm done with that class. Just two more to go before I earn my black belt in teaching and curriculum. My paper ended up being 10 pages....here's the kicker...single spaced. Now, I've been up for too many nights with very little sleep and it feels like little tiny spears are poking through the back of my eyeballs. Plus, I don't make any sense when I talk (or probably when I write either). So, sorry.

Procrastination

pro·cras·ti·nate (pr-krst-nt, pr-) v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates v. intr.
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.v. tr.
To postpone or delay needlessly.

Oh. I have a paper to write. It is technically due tomorrow. I needs to be 12 pages long at a minimum. Oh. I hate writing papers so much. I hate, hate, hate it.
It is 11:26 am on Sunday. I am still in my pajamas. Things that I have done today:
1. Made coffee.
2. Drank coffee.
3. Made a bowl of cereal.
4. Ate cereal.
5. Washed my face.
6. Let Barkley out.
7. Watched the CBS Sunday Morning Show *my absolute fav*
8. Sat at the computer drinking more coffee doing this.
9. Looked up car harnesses for dogs on the internet because I think I want to get one for Barkley since she slammed her face into the window in the car yesterday while I was stopping abruptly.
9. Measured a flailing Barkley who acts like a fish out of water when you try to measure her to see what size car harness to buy.

Reasons why I probably will be up until midnight, go to sleep for two hours, wake back up and then finish my paper:
1. I am planning to go to the pet store directly after my shower. Barkley is out of biscuits, which is a catastrophe.
2. I am planning to take a nap sometime today. After everything I've done so far, I'm getting kind of tired PLUS I need to prepare for the fact that I will be up late tonight without much sleep.
3. I have to go find a birthday present for my grandpa.
4. I have to go to my grandpa's birthday dinner.
5. I have to plan what I will do in all three of my classes that I teach tomorrow. Yikes. Does anyone want to develop a lesson on the Harlem Renaissance for me?? Tale of Two Cities? 8th grade poetry?? Hm... Yeah, I need to fit that in somehow. Ohh...how about silent reading? That's great.

As I see things, this does not leave much time for writing papers.

Top Ten Reasons We Need Another Dog

1. Barkley needs a friend.
2. There is still a little more room in the bed.
3. Dogs make you happy.
4. There can never be too many tails.
5. We don't yet have a pet need Bubba, and I think that needs to change.
6. It's almost the same as grandchildren (right, Moms?)
7. My car slumps to one side with just Barkley and me in it...I need to even that out.
8. Deters burglars.
9. Barkley has extra dog food.
10. Gizmo likes dogs.

So, what do you think? Ginger???

Or Naya??

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Over my spring break, I read and watched Breakfast at Tiffany's. I was interested to read Breakfast at Tiffany's since I had just finished In Cold Blood, which is also by Truman Capote.
I love Capote's style of writing in both books, but the subject matter differs so immensely that it is hard to tell they were written by the same guy.
Let me just say that the novel (actually more of a novella) is awesome. I just loved the description and felt a love/hate relationship with the main character, Holly Golightly, immediately. You just have to love to hate her by the end of the novel.
Don't even get me started on the movie. Luckily, I saw that AFTER I read the book. Obviously, it made me want to put on sunglasses, pearls, and a little black dress so that I could go walking around downtown looking like Audrey Hepburn. But, that was the best part. The filmmaker totally ruined the ending, and I can see why Capote was furious. I would be too if someone did that to my book. Audrey Hepburn is just so perfect and cute though...it may be worth watching just to see her.

News From Last Night

Brian and Angela tied the knot.















Chip likes to look like he is going to lick people.

I do not think this is okay.

Daryl is growing a mustache!

My dad and brother have joined a gang.

We left the wedding before my grandparents did.

What is Happening to Me?

Today I was driving to work and I had to come to a conclusion that I didn't like. I was enjoying listening to a song by the Barenaked Ladies. I cranked up "Pinch Me" and sang at the top of my lungs so that all the other drivers on I-94 would look at me weird (which they did). Then, my exit came, the song ended, I had to see that guy that stands at the top of my exit ramp with his giant sign that says he's a disabled vet and that no, your money won't go for drugs or alcohol. For God's sake. Why couldn't the song last a little longer?
Here's the rub. I've always loathed BNL (aside from "If I had a Million Dollars"). Maybe it's because of the one guy's voice or the fact that they have a song called "Be My Yoko Ono," which runs into a whole other topic of things I don't like. What's going on here? Why the sudden change? Will it be like in college when I hated, hated, hated Our Lady Peace and then decided to go buy their CD? Hm...
Here's the BNL lyrics that I sang the loudest to:
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I packed the car and leave this town
Will you notice that I'm not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say 'underwear'
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway.
It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.
Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
realize that a guy my size might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.

I have another conundrum. I was listening to "My Humps" on the way home from class. Why can't I turn that song off? It's degrading, derogatory, and dumb. The three D's. But I sing to that too. The best line is, "What you gon' do wit all that breast? All that breast inside that shirt?" What kind of a question is that?? If you have never read the lyrics to "My Humps," you must. It's an experience you must have before you die. And you can help me figure out why I don't turn off the song.

Ha Ha....Do you want to hear the karaoke version???

Since I'm putting on all these song links, here's one for Holly.

Funny

This is a video called "Free Photo Booth." It is very funny. Clicking on the link will take you to a Google video site.

Sometimes I Feel I've Got to Run Away...

I need to be rescued from the horrible music. I'm sorry but "Tainted Love" is a classic that should not be messed with. What is this? Stop it.
Oh, now that I'm online looking for the song, I've found that it's been copied several times. Soft Cell, I don't care how poor you are. Stop licensing your song to crappy artists!

The Original

The Craptastic Version

Marilyn Manson??

The Living End (Who I love, but should not be redoing this song either)

AHHHHH!!! I Didn't Even KNOW About THIS ONE. This MIGHT be worse than Rihanna's version

I have to picture Kelly being sung to by Tom N. up at MSU when I hear the real version of the song. "Don't touch me please; I cannot stand the way you tease..." Ha ha ha.

The Sistas

A List of Reasons Why I Love My Sistas:
1. They each have a good sense of humor.
2. They love the Sims almost as much as I do.
3. They help me to to keep the brothers under control (which is not an easy job).
4. What other sistas do I have? :-)
5. They both love this song (and I do too).
6. They are almost crazy as I am.
7. They love to dance.
8. They understand.
9. They introduced me to the wonderful world of pedicures.
10. They are just plain awesome.

P.S. If you're a sista, click here.

New Feature

If you'll draw your eyes over to the side bar, you will notice a new feature. I thought it would be cool to have a list of books I am currently reading. Well, actually, I started out believing that there would only be one. Then, I got to thinking and realized that I am currently reading five books. So, there you go. Life of an English teacher, I guess. Oh, wait. Mr. Dickens has something to say:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

In other news, the wasps are back. I can see them out the window. You may remember references to wasps in an earlier posting entitled "I Hate Bugs". Well, it's the 2nd warm day of the year here in Michigan, and here they are. They are so bold that they are flying into the window *SMACK* and taunting me.

Dear Cricket

I should apologize for the jab at Pepper's outfit the other day. I have forgotten that I once dressed my Barkley up for Halloween. The next day she ate the outfit (oh, that's one that I forgot to put on the list I sent to Daryl's mom). So, I don't think she liked it. She was a Bark-a-Shark.
I've never quite figured out why the outfit has little arms. I guess the shark has supposedly eaten someone.

Hoppin' Down the Bunny Trail

My mom has gone Easter overboard. I begged her not to, but she has put Pepper into her baby chick costume early this year. Poor Pepper! She'll be wearing it from now until Easter.

Mexico

I was just looking back at the blog and I realized that I never told you anything about our trip to Mexico. We saw a baracuda while we swimming, and we got bitten by some fire ants. That's about the only bad things that happened. Oh, wait. Someone got murdered at our resort while we were there.

Two Canadian tourists killed in Mexican resort
Updated Wed. Feb. 22 2006 6:13 AM ET
CTV.ca News Staff
Two Canadian tourists, who were in Mexico for their daughter's wedding, were found brutally murdered in their hotel room one day before the nuptials.
"Foreign Affairs has been informed yesterday of the death of a Canadian couple," Pamela Greenwell, Foreign Affairs spokesperson told CTV.ca on Tuesday night.
"Contact has been established with accompanying family in order to offer consular assistance," she said, adding that Mexican authorities have launched an investigation into their deaths.
Local papers say Domenico Ianiero, a 59-year-old real estate agent, and his 55-year-old wife Annunziata, also known as Nancy, were discovered slain in their hotel room on Monday morning, their throats slit by a knife, execution-style.
According to unconfirmed local reports, the bodies were found after family members became concerned when they were unable to locate the couple.
It's believed nothing was stolen from the Ianiero's room, nor were there signs of forced entry.
The Woodbridge, Ont. couple was staying at the luxurious Barcelo Maya hotel, which is located some 20 kilometres south of Playa del Carmen.
The hotel's general manager told CTV's Scott Laurie that he could not give out any further information about the murders.
"It's pretty clear from walking in the lobby that there is an increased security presence there. There were a lot of people walking around, not in uniform but in walkie talkies, clearly keeping track of who is coming and going from the hotel," Laurie reported from Playa del Carmen.
Authorities have questioned sixteen Canadians in Mexico, who were travelling with the couple for the wedding, which was scheduled for Tuesday.
It's unclear the role Canadian authorities will play in the investigation.
"The Mexican police naturally have prime jurisdiction in the area, so in the end we must leave it to them," said Dave Harris, the former chief of strategic planning for CSIS.
"But they have every incentive to be co-operative because when you think about it a good deal of Mexico's income does come from tourism and Canadians are considerable contributors to that influx," Harris said, appearing on CTV Newsnet.
Meanwhile, news of the couple's deaths have left neighbours and co-workers reeling.
"He is not the type of person that this should actually happen to," said Vince Carere of Domenico Ianiero, who he worked with at HomeLife Real Estate.
One neighbour, who described the couple as "smiling" and "friendly," told CTV Toronto: "We were shocked. I don't even know what words I can say to describe what we felt."

Yeah, so everything else was fine though. Why is it that evilness seems to follow me around lately? Weird.

Devil

I was just looking around at this website about Koko, a gorilla who knows sign language. You can browse around and see photos of Koko making her 48 very most favorite signs, one of which is devil. So, I began wondering: When did the need arise to teach Koko the word devil? Just something to ponder...

Uncle Walt

When I Heard the Learned Astronomer
by Walt Whitman

When I heard the learn'd astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide,
and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with
much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

Time Out

Are today's parents feeding their children speed? Just asking.
Today I had to give the 8th Grade Computer Proficiency Examination. Oh, what fun. These are the days that I would like to be paid as much as the lovely person who created the 8th Grade Computer Proficiency Examination. I would also like power to permanently relieve that person from their work duties. I'm not sure that it tested anyone's ability to operate a computer as much as it tested my own patience.
The test consisted of a full page of instructions. As you may know from recently visiting any movie theater with teenage patrons, kids cannot follow even the simplest of instructions. Even on a normal day when I ask that they open their book to page 324, I must repeat myself 4 or 5 times. Even then, I'm lucky if half of them have their books out. I was instructed not to help the kids with any part of the instructions as this was part of the test. They began by playing along nicely. "Listen up, kids. This is important," I announce. Josh stop clicking your mouse and listen.
"I am (CLICK, CLICK, CLICKITY CLICK). "
"Okay, Josh. Just remember that you will live your life in computer purgatory if you don't pass this test."
"What's purgatory?"
"Never mind."
"This test is important. You see, if you don't pass the powers that be will take away your elective classes...art, pastries (yes, we have a pastries class), small engine repair...and they will replace that elective with Computers for Dummies. So, if you don't want to be in Computers for Dummies, you need to follow directions and do everything perfectly. Yes, Amanda. You have a question."
"What if we like make like one mistake? Do they like put us in the stupid computer class?"
"Yes, I'm afraid they will. They're very mean."
The class nods gravely. They understand that their future happiness is on the line. I explain that they need to read the sheet on their own and follow directions carefully. "Do you understand?" Nod, nod, nod. Yes teacher, you are very boring, let's go. Their fingers are twitching. They're ready to start. "Okay, get started."
Thirty seconds elapse.
"Oh, Eric. You have a question already? What do you need?"
"Can we start?"
You can probably guess how my day went. Spring break cannot come fast enough. I have to give parts 2 and 3 of this stupid thing tomorrow. Today's song (I wish).
The kid's song about me.

P.S. Photo is not of my actual students, but it resembles my students very much.

P.P.S Do not look up "bored students" on Yahoo image search (in case you were just about to do that). "Boring class" yields much better and cleaner results.

My Ears Hurt

I feel like I just got home from Angela's bachelorette party. Oh, wait. That's cause I just did. I got home at 4:00am. That's a new record for my 26 year old body. Which reminds me, I still need to make coffee. And go back to sleep because I feel like the walking dead.
Well, I've seen a lot of scary, crazy stuff in my night clubbing days. There was the guy in Chicago who got smacked over the head with a bottle and the crazy drug deals I saw in Mt. Clemens, but last night had to take the cake. First, I have to point out that I have an eye for trouble when I'm at the bar. I think it comes partly from having a husband in law enforcement and partly from years of teaching high school. I am always on patrol and it was no differnt last night at Club Envy in Detroit. Anyways, I noticed something was not right. People were terribly drunk. Falling over and that kind of thing, so I knew there would be trouble somewhere very soon. I began watching the stairs to the "VIP room," which according to the people filing up and down the stairs was based on how much money you show the bouncers rather than any kind of good looks. So, I'm looking at the stairs and people are coming down, down, down in a hurry. I looked at the girl next to me. Is there a fire up there or something? She, unlike me, did not have a nose for trouble and did not care. The bouncers started scrambling around. Then, came the guy in the torn up shirt. Okay, maybe no fire, but definitely a fight I thought. We were sitting on a couch and suddenly someone (a bouncer, a bartender??) came over and jumped on the table in front of us waving his arms trying to get the DJ to cut the music. I look over at my group who along with the other club goers cannot believe they are turning on the lights and cutting the music. To them, the party was being cut unfairly short, to me this was a sign that something majorly bad was happening. I'm a panicer, so I was just ready to go, go, go. Suddenly we are informed by Angela's step mom that our limo is out front and that we are to book it to the limo because there is fighting going on outside. So out we go. Through the front door, past the fighting inside only to find that things are much, much worse outside. There are about 10 Detroit police cars, CAUTION TAPE(!), and a blood splattered limo in front of us as we walk out the door. Our poor limo driver looks completely paniced and we run toward the limo cautiously going around the small puddles of blood on the sidewalk. The other girls reported seeing a blood covered guy, but I didn't see him. Gee, I don't know what was distracting me.
It's almost ironic though because right before all this happened, I was thinking, "Hey, Detroit has really cleaned up its act. I'm downtown, I ain't scrd." No. No. No. That was some crazy crap right there. Holy cow.
I have to say that although the club has a nasty fight club thing going on, they play good music. I am happy to report that they played "Laffy Taffy." If you have read all of my prior blogs, you know this one is a favorite. They also play "Here Come the Hotstepper," which I love because I dance to it just like I'm a hotstepper. Kelly knows all about that. THat song is so old I almost forgot about it.
Hey, I was just looking for links to my songs up above and I found this one. This is such a stupid song (with a stupid video), but I love it. Another one here...how are these all on the same CD??
Sincerely,
The Lyrical Gangsta

Songs

I like to put songs on my blog for your entertainment pleasure. Here are some that I love and just think are funny. I had to make a special posting for songs because they didn't fit anywhere else and I couldn't think of anything else to say about them.

This is me everyday.
I like this song because it reminds me of my job which is funny unto itself. Why anyone would put me in charge of a bunch of kids...I have no clue.

For those depressing days.
I like this song because it reminds me of my and Kelly's dream of singing kareoke (no idea how to spell this Japanese trend).

Song I cannot wait to rock out to.
As I've said before this song rocks. I wish they would play it next time I'm out at the club.

Speaking of...
I'll be there wit my bottle full of bub.

A List of Things I Secretly Don't Believe (or don't want to)

Here goes....
1. That my cat weighs 17.4 pounds.
2. That when you use Dawn dishwashing liquid the bubbles turn into little vacuum cleaners that suck up all the grease.
3. That the Woman with a 200 Pound Tumor show is on AGAIN tonight.
4. How long it's been since I've cleaned my house (no, I'm not telling).
5. That "The Simple Life" is now rerunning on E!.
6. And that I've been watching it.
7. That one of my teaching partners once shot a man trying to rob him by taking the robber's gun away from him (I've heard him tell the story twice now).
8. That one of my teaching partners (same one) is actually going to physical therapy each time he leaves the building saying, "I'm off to physical therapy."
9. That he once took an 8th grade boy to get tested for STDs with the boy's parents' blessing.
10. That he sings in a gospel choir downtown.
11. That he was once a raging alcoholic, in the army, an engineer, a principal, a notary public, an attorney, a grief counselor, and a loving father (not all at the same time, obviously).
12. That I have held myself back from calling this guy out on all his lies.
13. That I am 26 years old.
14. That it's 8:17 P.M. and Daryl still isn't home (even though he left for work at 6:00ish A.M.)
15. That anyone buys exercise videos from John Basedow...He's gonna show you how...to meet your potential...and turn your whole life around...(sing it with me) IT'S FITNESS MADE SIMPLE...la da dee da duh...

Okay. Okay. I'm Back.

Wow. I did not blog for a very long time, and I apologize to those of you who are avid blog readers. I wanted to get on here and blog about my trip to Mexico, but then I had a giant paper due, so then I was gonna write about it after that, but then it seemed too late. And my life has been downright boring (and depressing...I'm in Michigan and not somewhere warm like Mexico) since then.
Let's just talk now about my impact on the world. That's right. MY WORLD DOMINATING IMPACT. Muhhahahhaaa. At last count I have inspired six people to create their own blogs and one to create her own picture page (okay maybe Daryl was responsible for that inspiration). Two of these people have only ever posted one posting (PAUL and MONTY!!!) so I am very sad about that. Others have created wonderful pieces of artistic regalia with their blog. My mom's is very funny (at least I think it's funny). You may view it by clicking on the link to the right. Vanilla Dan's umm... well..... Vanilla Dan's is threatening in that if you don't post comments to his blog you may get threatening comments posted on yours in return. (Please see elephant blog below). I'm not here to tell you where to take your grand Sandy inspiration, but I am here to tell you how important it is to update your blog more than once (PAUL and MONTY!!!) and not be threatening.
Daryl is home from work now. I should go feed him lasagna.