Great Expectations.

C/O the Associated Press

OGDEN, Utah - There's a new fad of students — mostly girls — wearing pajama bottoms to school, and so far administrators are not making a fuss about it.
"Some days you don't want to get dressed up for school. Like when it's raining and cold. You just want to be cozy," said Ben Lomond junior Elvia Escalante, 16.
School administrators in Ogden, Weber and Davis school districts say the pajamas have been modest and there hasn't been a problem.
"There are worse things a kid could wear to school," said Ross Lunceford, principal of Hillcrest Elementary School in Ogden.
"There's a fine line there, and I think sometimes we need to pick our battles. Should we get into a tussle over pajamas?" said Eileen Nicholas, student and family services teacher specialist for Ogden district.
Administrators say there are daily dress-code struggles with students who like to wear short skirts, high- and low-cut shirts, gang-affiliated apparel and sagging or low-cut pants that show their underwear.
"Pajama bottoms would be an improvement for some of our kids," said Ogden High School Principal Ed Jenson.
"I just look at it as something silly. I don't know why teenagers dress the way they do," said Ogden High math teacher Mary Courney.
Some students don't think much of the attire.
"They may be comfy, but it makes you look trashy and it gives you the idea you can just slack off for the day," said Ben Lomond High School senior Alena Marshall, 18.
"Pajamas are for bedtime, not school. It makes the students more relaxed, so they're not focusing as much on their school work," said Ben Lomond High senior Tiffany Church, 17.
Ben Lomond High junior Lori Wayment, 16, was wearing pink-flowered cotton pajama bottoms last week, because, she said, "they're warm"
Ogden High freshman Karen Chacon, 14, said she was wearing her white pajama bottoms with blue vertical stripes, because "they're comfortable."
And Ogden High junior Jessica Hannah, 16, wore red pajama pants decorated with black AC/DC letters because "it's Friday."

Ta Dah!

My new piano is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Ever.

So Many Funny Pictures, So Little Time

As I was eating my shrimp egg foo young and getting it all over the keyboard, I was looking for good pictures. Mmm...shrimpy. Anyway, I found this one you see right here. This lady is on her 16th kid. Somebody, anybody make it stop. As my mom would say, "They know what causes that now." But really, that's not what makes her funny. Her mega mullet makes her funny. There's another picture on the web that makes it look like she is wearing her dog on her head. I'm not kidding. Ok. Wait. I just read the article and her hair is not the funniest part. She says she is ready for more children. And...

"The Learning Channel is doing another show about the family's construction project, a 7,000-square foot house that should be finished before Christmas. The home, which the family from the northwest Arkansas town of Rogers has been building for two years, will have nine bathrooms, dormitory-style bedrooms for the girls and boys, a commercial kitchen, four washing machines and four dryers.

Their children include two sets of twins, and each child has a name beginning with the letter "J": Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah."

When you need four washing machines, I think it might be time to stop. My favorite name by the way is Jinger. "Is that Ginger?" her teachers ask. "Oh, yes. Jinger with a J." Because she's special.

In other news, The Smurfs are on fire. You know what would be really funny? They could have this and then the Smurf song over it. Dah, Dah, dah dah dah DAHHH....dah da Dah di DAH. As if the world isn't miserable enough? Why do they need to set the Smurfs on fire. Okay, we get it. There are disasters all over. We feel bad. STOP IT.

And then there's this guy. His name is the troll. He is a Mexican wrestler.

Just some crazy guy...

I just saw a picture of Chris Elliot (of Something About Mary) on the internet and it reminded me of my dad. You know who else he looks like? Van Gogh (as in the guy who cut off his ear and then Don McLean wrote a song about him). I think they both have more hair than my dad though.

Ah, Squirrels.

On a Squirrel Crossing the Road in Autumn, in New England
by Richard Eberhart

It is what he does not know,
Crossing the road under the elm trees,
About the mechanism of my car,
About the Commonwealth of Massachusetts,
About Mozart, India, Arcturus,

That wins my praise. I engage
At once in the whirling squirrel-praise.

He obeys the orders of nature
Without knowing them.
It is what he does not know
That makes him beautiful.
Such a knot of little purposeful nature!

I who can see him as he cannot see himself
Repose in the ignorance that is his blessing.

It is what man does not know of God
Composes the visible poem of the world.
...Just missed him!

Ouch!

Does this picture hurt anyone else's eyes?

Grandma Bure

Don't get me wrong, we love our neighbors....just not the one who lives next door. Daryl and I refer to her as Grandma Bure after the crazy old woman from the Drew and Mike show. (Click here and you can listen to her drops...Scroll down to the Grandma Bure section) Her name is really Josephine. Her hobbies include collecting garden statues and driving us nuts with her incessant whining about our lawn. (Our garden friends from left to right: Rooster, Duck, Seagull, Canadian Goose, Fawn, Regular Goose, Eagle, Doe.) Our lawn is fine, but she somehow sees some imperfections when she spends countless hours each day hunkered down next to it. Yes, there are blades of grass that occasionally stick through the fence into...gasp...her flower bed, but what else is new? I'll tell you what...! The green stick infestation in her front yard, that's what! All I know is when I came home from work today her front yard looked like this...

Now I couldn't get ALL of the green poles (or whatever they are) in the photo, so you'll have to use your imagination. Maybe she's trying to call the mother ship to take her home. I don't know. I cannot for the life of me figure out what they are. Anywho...I think she's just about had enough...

I HATE Bugs

I thought gardening was supposed to be relaxing and tranquil. Well, in my experience, IT IS NOT. I tried to go in the front garden to pull some weeds about a week ago only to find that the gutter above the garden was infested with wasps. Not wanting to get stung, I canceled my plans and got out the wasp spray instead. And set it on the kitchen table. And waited. And then Daryl came home. Because, you see, I don't like to kill wasps. It's just not my thing.
So, this weekend I figured it was safe to garden because Daryl had been on wasp patrol. I checked on the wasp situation and it was all clear. So, I went to work. I was working hard to pull this giant viney thing out of the bushes when I felt something squish juicily between my fingers. I knew the instant that I felt the liquid sensation in my hands that something completely disgusting had happened. I was right. Do you know what a horned tomato worm is? Because you're going to find out. I was so grossed out that I had to take a picture of this garden fiend.
I had not squished it too bad, so it was still bucking around the twig during its photo op. I put a quarter next to it so you can understand how big it is. Daryl said it was "very forensic" of me. I think so, too.
See, I didn't know what it was. I just knew that it was the biggest, ugliest bug I think I had ever seen. Ever. So, I did a little research. Come to find out that the horned tomato worm can lead a pretty sad life, but no matter. You do not want one of these bad boys in your garden chompin' at your maters. Good thing it was FAR away from Daryl's tomatoes. It turns out that the BFTK (big fat tomato killer) has a pretty good chance of being taken over by a parasite. If it does, then it will have white thingys all over it and they will kill the BFTK and little Braconid wasps will hatch out of the white things (the internet teaches me so much). Look at the pictures and you'll know what I mean. So I was thinking that maybe we shouldn't have been so fast with killing those wasps. I honestly would rather have Braconid wasps than the BFTK. BUT...ew...I just thought of this. What if the BFTK would have been covered with those white thingys when I grabbed at it. EW EW EW.
If the BFTK makes it through life to be an adult, it turns into a gigantic moth. It can be up to 5 inches and people can mistake it for a humming bird. I'm not kidding.

What is a question?

? I'm generally fairly confident in my teaching of English. I feel like I've got the concepts down myself and can explain them well. Today, however, my task was far more daunting than usual. I have discovered in my class a child who does not understand what a question is.
Let me explain.
I asked my darling 8th graders to pick one particular event in their life (we had a giant bru-ha-ha leading up to this...we did drawings, we made timelines, the whole deal). So, pick an event. No problem. Everyone was good with that. Then, I said, "If someone wanted to know more about this life event of yours, what kinds of questions would they ask you?" I showed them what I meant by using my own life. "We want to know about when you went to college," they said. "Fair enough," I said. What would you like to know?
Was it hard? Do you feel smart now? Where did you live? Was the food good? Were you in a sorority? (If they only knew...) Did you have a boyfriend and did he get in your way? (If only they knew...)
So, then we talked about the difference between "yes or no" questions and questions with a lot of meat. We decided meaty questions were the way to go, so they beefed up their questions for me...
Then it was their turn. "What do you think people might want to know about the life event that you picked. What kinds of questions would they ask? Write them down." As I was roaming about the room, I noticed that one lad's paper said: 1. Lived with my grandpa.
"Is that the event that you're going to ask questions about?" I asked.
"No, I'm going to write questions about when I moved," said the boy.
"Ok. So, is that your first question?"
"Yes."
"Lived with my grandpa. When I read that does it sound like a question? Something that you could give an answer to?"
"Yes."
That was not the answer I wanted. "So I walk up to you and ask, 'Lived with my grandpa?' What would your answer be?" See, this is a trick question for the boy....There couldn't be an answer because it's not a question. I'm so sneaky.
"I would tell you about moving."
"Really. Hm...A question is something you ask. It has a question mark at the end. That's not a question. It's kind of a statement. A fact."
"No, it's a question about how I moved."
"It's the answer to a question," I prodded.
"No, it's the question."
Dear Lord. Someone help.
I really, really, really think this kid had no idea what the difference is between a question and an answer is. None. How can you go through school and not figure that out? Isn't questioning and answering the basic premise of school? I promise you that he wasn't being a jerk or a smart alec. This kid was dead serious. When I made a suggestion as to how to revise his "question" he didn't want to.
So, for tomorrow...how do I explain what a question is to someone who does not understand the concept?

So Random

Note: After hundreds of years on the "no can do" list, the Shakespearean/Elizabethan collar ruffle is back! Also, huge sleeves and necklaces will compliment the look.

You can't control my techno.

Remove Foot from Mouth

"Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them," Mrs. Bush told American Public Media's "Marketplace" program, before returning to her multi-million dollar Houston home."

Thanks, Barbara B. I guess there's only one thing to say for those poor jerks in the Astrodome. LUCKY!
No, seriously. Those Bushes. They have one heck of a problem in their gene pool. If you don't believe me, look here. Or here. And my favorite....is he drunk?

Middle School

Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis So, in case you have never played, that's how the penis game pretty much works. You see, I was sitting in one of my three rooms after school today with the windows open when some boys outside began a vigorous round of the penis game. The goal (in case you've never played) is to take turns saying the word penis at a volume somewhat louder than the person before you. Curiously, this is a game played mainly by boys. The nice thing about the game is there's no limit to the number of players you can have, so nobody feels left out. Everybody can participate. And usually everybody does. So, that's my experience teaching middle school in a nutshell.
In other news, we went to Julie and TJ's wedding on Saturday. It was lovely. Tania and I danced like crazy fools and embarrassed our husbands as much as possible. I was drinking cranberry and vodka. Need I say more?
Also, do you want to hear the story of Why the Opossum's Tail is Bare? Click Here. In case you don't know, I am deathly afraid of opossums. I hate them. Did you know they hiss? Like cats? Well, they do. My total and utter disgust of opposums stems from my dad. He told me untrue stories about opposums dropping out of the trees and made me think that they would do so while I was walking to high school.

Knockin' Around in My Head

My brother gave me a CD with his favorite music on it and I am in love with the song Banquet by Bloc Party. So good. Guess what? You can love it too. You can download it FOR FREE at Amazon. Trust me when I say that this will be your new favorite song that will never get out of your head. The best things in life are free for once.

Today I Will Use the Giant Quotes

Let's just see here.

"And yes, the giant quotes are ON. Good. Good.
Yesterday Daryl and I watched The Aviator. I can't remember whether you're suppose to italicize or quote movie titles. I think italicize, but I will do nothing since it is my blog and doesn't have to be all proper and whatnot. I get enough of that with my day job. Anyway, The Aviator. Yes. It was pretty good, but long. The guy likes to wash his hands a lot. Also, you get to see Leo's butt, which is pretty flat and skinny. He's just a pretty skinny guy overall, so I'm not really surprised about his butt. "

No more giant quotes. Do you like the three headed dragon? I do.

Homelessness

Why the long face?

I am in four classrooms.
I am sad.
Look at all the crap I have.


Crap, crap, and more crap... Luckily, I also have Barkley who won't let me be sad for too long.


This is why I like dogs.

Dogs Rule the World

# of cute dogs rescued from certain tragedy today: 1

Less is Always More...

Oh dear. Billie Joe Armstrong, I have a message for you. Elizabeth Taylor called, and she wants her eyeliner back. I mean, really. Daryl pointed out that the celebrities that I like almost always end up wearing eyeliner at some point in their career. At first I was very reluctant to see his point, but now I realize he may be right. Mark McGrath, Cesar Millan (the dog whisperer), and Billie Joe. What is going on? Let's make on thing clear. Boys should never under any circumstance own an eyeliner pencil let alone use it. No, no, no. Just because you're a celebrity doesn't mean that the rules can change for you either. The rules are the rules. I'm sorry. Billie Joe, if you're reading my blog today, just realize that you have your own hotness and that you don't need make-up. Your hotness is an entity in and of itself, and it needs no enhancement. For goodness sake. For the record, it has not been confirmed that Cesar Millan wears any eye make-up. It is Daryl's theory only. Perhaps he just has nice eyes all on his own. However, since Daryl is usually right about these things, I won't say too much. Peace out.

Sandy's Core Spinning Faster Than Crust

Today I read an online article about how the earth's core is spinning, yes spinning, faster than the crust. Who knew that the earth had a part that could spin independently of the rest? I guess it makes sense that the inside would be spinning since the outside spins. I just never thought about it. And faster? Who knew? Probably Kelly did since she took that crazy class and learned all about geology. Crusty Article (for those who care).
So, I got to thinking that my brain spins pretty fast too. Like, I think all these thoughts. I can think up about 20 different things I could be doing right now. But, my outside goes real slow. Maybe I'll get one of those 20 things done today. That's why I really love naps. My brain can spin as fast as it wants and maybe I'll fall asleep, maybe I won't, but my outside doesn't have to do a damn thing. It just lays there. My brain is so ambitious...
I wish there was some way to add some ambition to my outside, you know. I'd just like to give it some kind of fighting chance to keep up with my brain. Like, when my brain says, "Sandy, you should drag up your teaching supplies from the basement and since you won't have a classroom this year, organize everything into the spare bedroom to make a super-cool office," I could actually get up and do that. How do I make myself more productive? I mean, besides taking speed or something awful. The rehab wouldn't be worth it. I've already weighed the consequences...and I'm pretty sure I've seen some people on some sort of speed...including mothers of my students. It's a little too much ambition if you ask me. Sort of like when you open the door to the dryer and the clothes just keep on spinning for a few seconds longer.

Am I Evil Enough?

Yesterday Daryl and I were watching Sex in the City (the PG...except they did show one butt, which isn't very PG... TBS version) and I said, Samantha is so evil, but I love her.
Why do you love her?, asked Daryl.
Because she is so evil.
So, I started to wonder about my own level of evilness...When was the last time I did something to get revenge? Boy, I can't even think of the last time. I think being a teacher has made me soft. That's no good. If I could up my evil level a little bit, I think people would like me slightly more...maybe even respect me.
People could say, Oh, ask Sandy about that...she's pretty insidious. That's gonna be the new Sandy for 2006...I can feel it now.
Muhahahaha....
Okay. I have to go read Pigman now.

I guess I'm not that old...

Today I went to school to see if I could get some work done. School doesn't start for another week and a half, but I'm really a go-getter if you haven't noticed. I discovered several obstacles as I tried to make my way to the main office. I could only find one open door...the rest were marked with signs warning of construction danger. Yes, school does start in a week and a half. So, I go in and several parent volunteers mistake me for a student and try to give me my schedule and books. I find out that there is no way to get to the main office from there due to the construction, so I go back out and drive around to the receiving room door. In the office they give me a key to my room. Which room is it? They're not sure. Why don't I go upstairs and try the room I had last year? And if that doesn't work, try some other doors. Ok. They think that I'll be able to get by the construction mess. I go upstairs and head toward my old room and get yelled at by a janitor who thinks that I am student wandering around looking for my locker. I'm a teacher, I say. Oh, well, you still can't be up here. What a bunch of liars they are down in the office. Then, I went over to the middle school where there is far less construction and no one mistook me for a student. Ha-Rah.

Do you like my dad's birthday monkey? I do.