Substitutions Not Okay

My dad likes to say that the definition of a fool is someone who does the same thing, the same way multiple times and expects different results. By this definition, I am many times over, a fool. However, there is one area of my life where I particularly stand out as a fool. This is in the area of planning for dinner.

Years and years ago, I mostly turned to my friend Betty Crocker for cooking advice. She offers solid, dependable recipes and clear step by step instructions. What a good cooking pal! Recently, however, I have adopted a new approach to cooking and meal planning that oftentimes waste a good hour of my life with nothing to show for it. Here's how my new approach works.

First, I usually see a commercial for some kind of delicious dish on television. Potato soup from Bennagin's? Yum. I want that. So, then I decide to cook it myself. Instead of turning to Betty, I go to www.allrecipes.com expecting to find the perfect recipe. Sometimes I do, and it works out really well. It's the actual process of searching through the recipes posted on the website that I expect to be simple, but it never is. I'll type in Potato Soup, for example, and find 1,245 recipes for Potato soup. Where to start? Well, I entrust my dining satisfaction to the allrecipe.com reviews, so I click "sort by reviews," which lets me see the best of the best recipes. All is well so far. But, how do you distinguish between the potato soup that gets 4.25 stars versus 4.27 stars? I like to click and read the individual reviewer's comments. Herein lies the problem. Usually, what I see is something like this, "I made this soup for my family and they ate it up like wild hyenas. But when I made it, I was out of potatoes, so I used mangos instead. Also, my husband doesn't like the taste of pepper or cheese, so I added bananas and whipped cream. Yummy! Will definitely make this dish again."

What? Listen, reviewer, you have no business commenting on the potato soup. That comment does me no good.

Somehow, though, I always forget about these comments and expect allrecipes.com to be helpful. When will I ever learn?

To prove that I'm not even lying, here are actual comments from the site:

A great way to use up leftovers, you could use chicken, beef, pork whatever. I had some leftover pork roast, so I simmered the diced pork in 6 oz of beer and the water in from the recipe for 15 minutes. Then I followed the receipt except I used black beans, didn't have pintos. WOW this was just great will make it again. OH yea I added the last 6 oz of beer into the pot as it simmered.

I used the frosting recipe, but only used 1 C. sugar. This turned out great. The store was out of german choco. squares so I bought a german choco. box cake. I modified it by making it a bundt recipe (a more dense cake) by using 1 sm. pkt. instant choco. pudding, 4 eggs, 1/2 C. oil, and 1 C. water. Spread evenly in 2 round pans and bake as instructed on box. I used instant chocolate mousse for the sides and decoration. It gave the cake additional flavor and texture. Who needs ice cream when you have chocolate mousse.

I prefer to follow recipe as written, I did not have any pork, I had left over chicken and took the advice of previous poster and used celery and onion, did not have cabbage. I steamed one batch, and then brown the next batch in a pan and then steamed. My DD prefered steamed ones. Also I halved the recipe.

Yeah, it's called go to the store.

How Duncan Does Ball Pits

Today is Duncan's birthday. We got him a ball pit for his birthday. Since he's one, we didn't feel the need to wrap it. We sat there and blew it up in front of him (it's inflatable...it doubles as a pool). He didn't have any clue that it was even his birthday or that this was his present. I'm pretty sure he didn't even know it was a ball pit. That's the good part about being one.

So, here's how he does the ball pit now that he's had about an hour of practice:
1. Climb in head first.
2. Sit in the middle of the balls feeling blissfully happy for about 30 seconds.
3. Tip the ball pit over and let all the balls spill out.
4. Climb out.
5. Play with all 75 balls outside of the ball pit until they have all rolled under the couch or chair or until the dogs begin to cart them away.
You're welcome for Pac Man, by the way.

When Fish Attack

Some people thinking swimming in lakes is fun...even relaxing. I used to think so too. Last weekend we went to Daryl's grandma's cottage for a little R&R. It turns out that the fish in the lake had a hidden agenda. They were out to get me. Maybe they could smell my fishing license a mile away. Maybe they just had a hunger for some human flesh. Whatever the reason, the fish took up their welcome mat and slammed the door in my face when I tried to enter their domain.


It started off a day like any other. Tania and I were hot as always...but this time we were hot with one t instead of two. We decided to go for a dip. If there's one thing I don't like, it's lake muck. In fact, I think that every lake should come with one of these:



And this:


So anyway, I wanted to avoid standing in the lake muck, so I got on a floatie. It was a nice little innertube, and I floated around enjoying the water for about 30 seconds. And then I floated too close to the boat dock and a fish came out from the boat dock and somehow got stuck between my leg and the innertube. So what does it do? It starts beating my leg with its fish tail. I screamed like a girl for all I was worth and the fish swam away.

To help you better understand the attack, I have done two things for you here. First, I have recreated the scene in Paint using my fine artist ability. For some reason, I had to keep retelling the saga for Holly and Tania because they just couldn't understand how the fish tail was smacking my leg. So, I hope this helps. Secondly, I have found a picture of what I think the fish may have looked like. Here is exhibit A and B:


















I got out of the water as fast as I could, but then I got my bravery all up and got back in and I stayed far away from the boat dock. In fact, I thought it would be a good idea to latch onto Tania's raft and have her pull me around. Turns out that was a really good idea if you don't count the horrendous guilt I felt when Tania's shoulders were sore the next day from towing me around the lake.

If you know anything about my stories, you can be sure this one doesn't end here. The next day Dan drove us to this beach-like island so we could go swimming. I'll admit that the bottom was nice and I also enjoyed the island entertainment. The entertainment mainly consisted of these kids excavating under this giant tree...basically trying to dig out all the earth from underneath it so that it would fall on them and crush them. Now that I think about it, it wasn't very good entertainment at all. It was just one of those things that you watch even though you probably shouldn't. Oh, and the kids' dad just stood there and watched them in this death trap.

Anywho, getting on to my next fish attack..... I was in the tube again. (Big mistake, of course.) I suddenly feel a fish on my leg. I look down and see a fish caught again in the tube next to my leg. So I try to get out of the tube, but you know that getting out of one of those things is next to impossible...especially when you're hurrying and being attacked by a fish. So, I looked down again to see if the fish had gotten out and I saw its little beady eye staring up at me. Daryl was standing right there, but he was of no help except to verify my story for the disbelievers....I don't want to name names here.


















Why do fish attack me? There are several theories, but the one that seems to make the most sense is that I kept hooking fish through the eye while I was fishing. I'll admit that it wasn't very nice of me to do that, but an all out fish war is a little uncalled for, don't you think?

Does Anyone Else Hate Anthony Kiedis as Much as I Do?

So, I turned on my radio this morning and I got all excited because I heard a Tom Petty song coming on and then I realized that it wasn't Tom Petty at all but that stupid Red Hot Chili Pepper rip-off. Has Tom Petty gotten around to suing Anthony and Flea yet? What's he waiting for? He should sue the pants off of that jerk. The songs sound exactly the same except for Tom Petty's rocks my socks off and Anthony Kiedas' sounds like a llama that's dying.




Such atrocity has not been committed since En Vogue stole Alice Cooper's "Feed My Frankenstein".




There are rare occasions where it really is okay for a musician to steal other people's music. Like George Harrison should be allowed to steal anybody's music that he wants to. Especially crappy Doo Wop music. But what happens when he steals a song? He gets in all kinds of trouble. Poor George. We love your song much more, George.

By the way, this clip is from the Concert for George and can I just say that whole concert is madness. Absolutely excellent...the whole thing. I have it on DVD and I make Duncan watch it while I cook dinner a lot. He loves Ringo Starr.

Go to Kmart and Buy a Skateboard

Apparently there is a new "sport"--a term I'm using very loosely--for people who desperately want a skateboard but somehow can't find one or afford one. It is called Parkour....or maybe Parkouring. Who knows. Well, if any of you poor souls in this video would like a skateboard, please let me know and I'll see what Santa can do this Christmas.

A New Resolution

I always seem to make summer resolutions. Maybe it's because it's warm and beautiful out during the summer and just about anything seems possible. I hardly ever make a new year's resolution because I just don't ever keep them. New year's is a stupid time to make a resolution if you ask me.

Usually my resolutions for summer include how many books I want to read. They also usually include a goal to do some unit planning for school. I have a goal this summer to paint the front porch because it is all pealy and yucky and the neighbors are starting to talk (conjecture only). Okay. Maybe I don't have resolutions as much as I have goals. So, anyways, I have decided that I should throw in a fun and interesting goal as well. I wanted to do something I've never done before but always wanted to do. With an 8 month old baby and having taken 8 months off of word, going to Europe is pretty much out of the question.

So, I had to ask myself....what have I always wanted to do that I can learn to do with very few resources? Then it came to me. I will learn how to do the splits! I've never been even a little bit flexible, so the people that can do the splits make me jealous. I found a page online that claims that you can learn to do the splits in 3 weeks. The page doesn't include any riders about age, so I think I'm good to go. So, when July 22 rolls around, I will update you on my progress. I am so excited. How ridiculous am I?

Tattoo You

So, I was reading my Sunday morning Free Press the other morning and saw that the new cool, hip, hot trend is getting your baby's picture tattooed on your body. The Free Press featured this photo of someone's arm(?) and their sweet little salty peanut:

Aww....how cute is that? I'm sure Salty Peanut will be so proud when her mom can whip out the tattoo and show all of her friends at her 16th birthday party or at her high school graduation.

I really think that Duncan deserves no less than the best from his parents. He certainly shouldn't feel left out when such a cool new trend is on the horizon, so I have decided to endure the pain and suffering of the local ink shop's needle to get a tattoo of my own. I have decided to get it on my belly. There are several reasons for this. First off, it will hide my unsightly stretch marks. Second, I think it will look awesome when it's all stretched out if I ever decide to have another baby.

Okay. I have to admit that when I started writing this blog, I was hoping to have a picture that would be just as ridiculous as the salty peanut picture, but Duncan's picture just doesn't look the same. That's probably good though. :-)

Niagara Falls is Ridiculous

I just realized that I promised to update you on our trip to Connecticut and then bailed on my promise. Sorry. Here's the update. All went much better than expected with Duncan. We probably had a total in-car cry time of 73 minutes, which is not too bad for 22 hours of driving (not counting stops at restaurants and hotels). Our visit with Daryl's aunt and uncle was also very nice. Duncan got to go to the beach. What a spoiled baby!




On the way home from Connecticut, we stopped at Niagara Falls. We got there at night and decided to stay at a hotel so that we could see the falls at night with the colored lights and during the day...um..with the big yellow light. The night we arrived, we walked the ten minute walk to the falls and were quite surprised to find that we had somehow teleported to Las Vegas.... Oh wait, nope, we were still in Niagara Falls. What is going on with Canada? What is all this crap?



Luckily, the craziness stops when you get down to the falls and then it's really beautiful. When you actually see the falls in person, it is hard to believe that even the dumbest of knuckleheads would ever contemplate trying to go over them in a barrel let alone actually try it. So much water going oh so fast.

Of course, we went back in the day time to see if the falls looked any cooler, and of course, they did. On our way out of the hotel, Daryl and I noticed that there was a nice view of the falls out the window at the end of the hallway. But wait, what is that sticking up high into the air? An observation tower? Oh, no...that's the WWE Pile-Driver ride. What was I thinking? Why shouldn't the WWE Pile-Driver be impeding my view of one of nature's most awesome spectacles? (Check out the picture to your left. Yup, that's it next to the Hard Rock sign.)

After taking our daytime trip to the falls, we were walking back to the car, we had to walk up the crazy street with all the neon lights. It was daytime, so the neon wasn't nearly as crazy. But there was one thing that was really crazy. There were Mennonites all over the place! Eating ice cream, starring at all the signs for the wax museums, looking ponderously at the Pile-Driver ride. The Mennonites were quizzical to be sure. I wanted to run up and grab one of them by his beard and say...."NOOOOO!!! This isn't it. This isn't really how all of contemporary society is. We DON'T have WWE Pile-Driver rides on every corner normally. This is not normal." But I didn't. I let them wonder. I let them eat their ice creams in peace. I really wanted to take a picture too. But, I restrained myself. Everyone would have accused me of photoshopping it anyway.

What the Kids are Watching

I always thought that Teletubbies was the scariest kids show on television. I guess it wouldn't be so scary if it wasn't aimed at kids. Little did I know, there is a much, much more frightening show on these days. I came across is while searching for something for Duncan to watch while I was trying to prepare my lunch (please see my last blog and you'll understand why he needs to be entertained while I'm in the kitchen). The show is called Boohbah and I think the show could best be described as is "trippy." I don't know about you, but I don't think our kids need to be watching anything trippy when they're preschool aged...or probably any age for that matter.

From what I can discern, the main characters are the Boohbah and they seem to speak a similar language to the Teletubbies (maybe they're relatives?). They seem to live in nests and have some sort of physic/alien quality to them that makes their heads pop up and their eyes light up.

My favorite character on Boohbah BY FAR is Mr. Man. This is Mr. Man:



























Nice shirt, Mr. Man.

My second favorite character is Grandmamma. Grandmamma looks like she's been through some pretty tough times. Maybe Grandmamma went through rehab a few times or did a stint in the slammer.
Here she is:


























Here's a fashion tip for you, Grandmamma: Buy your clothes two sizes smaller. And no more perms. Also, technically, I think only little kids and streetwalkers are entitled to wear red shoes.

I think the only thing that could make Boohbah scarier is to add the song "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy to the intro. Oh wait, someone's already done that for us on YouTube:

How to Make Dinner While Caring for a Cranky Baby

1. Set baby in his chair.
2. Give baby his toy.
3. Turn around and start unloading the dishwasher.
4. Turn back around and pick up the baby toy from the ground.
5. Wash the dirty toy.
6. Give the toy back to baby.
7. Turn around and start unloading the dishwasher.
8. Turn around again and pick the toy up off the ground again.
9. Give the dirty toy to baby.
10. Ask baby to shhhh and tell baby you're trying to cook a delicious dinner.
11. Let the dogs out.
12. Start unloading the dishwasher.
13. Give the baby his pacifier.
14. Let the dogs back in.
15. Push the dogs back outside.
16. Go get a towel to dry off their muddy paws (it is raining outside, you doofus).
17. Pick the pacifier up from the floor and wash it off.
18. Give the pacifier back to baby.
19. Open the door to let the dogs in.
20. Where are the dogs?
21. Go outside to herd the dogs in toward the door.
22. Make funny faces at baby through the kitchen window so that he stops crying.
23. Dry off the dogs' feet.
24. Let the dogs inside.
25. Pick the pacifier and the toy up from the ground and place on counter top next to sink for future washing.
26. Start unloading the dishwasher.
27. Remind the dogs that no matter how much they beg, they will not be going outside again for a while.
28. Remember that you need to boil water to cook the pasta.
29. Get a pot out and fill with water.
30. Put the pot on the stove.
31. Make silly faces at the baby so that he stops cranking for a little while.
32. Realize that the song "Pump up the Jam" by Technotronic has come on the Music Choice Channel on the TV.
33. Consider walking over to shut the TV off but then change your mind because it's already taken you 20 minutes to unload the dishwasher and you just can't waste that kind of time.
34. Begin loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher.
35. Begin dancing around the kitchen like a nut because the baby thinks this is funny and stops crying for it.
36. Wonder what the heck they're singing about in this song. Are they saying "Oh I...a place to stay"? Oooh...remember the song "Pump Up the Volume"...also a mega dance hit from the 90s...it seems they were trying to pump everything up back then...but I digress.
37. Wonder why the water in the pot on the stove isn't boiling.
38. Check the stove to find out that the burner is still in the off position. A cold pot never boils.
39. Bust out a few more moves because the baby is fussing.

Remarkably, I did get the dinner cooked, the baby fed, the dogs fed, and myself fed. Ah....

Duncan's Snack

Wow. I'm so smart. I finally figured out how to add video to this thing!

Make sure you turn up the sound before you play it. The sound is unbelievable.

Anyway, I got out Duncan's bigger car seat just to try it out, and while he was sitting in it, he decided to have a snack. I guess I don't feed him enough.


We're going on a trip to Connecticut on Thursday to visit Daryl's aunt and uncle. With Duncan. Who is 6 months old. Are we adventurous or just insane? Hm....I'll let you know when we get back. I am really looking forward to getting out of the house for a little while though. We might even stop at Niagara Falls on the way back. That's a lot of water right there, eh? Can you tell that I'm practicing to be part Canadian while we drive through Canada? How aboot now?

Can I tell you a little bit more about the car seat while I wait for this video to load up? Okay. Well, it has a 4 position headrest with a removable pillow, a DELUXE infant body insert, and EPP Energy Absorbing Foam (whatever that is). It also has 3 travel stages and a 2 position seat recline. The instruction book is 54 pages long. I'm going to need to block out the better part of my day tomorrow just to figure the whole thing out. What do the people who can hardly read do? Just guess and hope that their baby's safe? There are about 40 different things to adjust and fidget with. It may actually be easier to change the oil in my car than to install this car seat.

Emails and Snow Plows

I currently have 1,111 emails in my inbox. Oh, I know what you're thinking. Why don't you delete your emails? I do. I swear. I delete some of them. The ones that I get from companies or people that I don't know, I delete. But the rest, I guess I always think...maybe one day I'll need to look at this again. Or, if I get lonely, then I can look and see how many people have written me emails and see that people really do love me. It's heartwarming to look in your inbox and see that you have 1,111 emails. It really is.

Onto the next topic. The snow plow. I thought snow plows were suppose to be helpful. Turns out that they only care about the street and they don't care about your driveway at all. Or Daryl's back. Daryl almost broke his back shoveling this big ol' pile of snow out of the bottom of the driveway. Thanks a lot, snow plow. Hope we don't have to see you until next stupid winter and hopefully by then I'll be living in a warmer climate year round. Or, my tunnel down the Earth's molten core might be complete by then. Either that or I'm going to build a Florida sun room in my basement. There will be those full spectrum light bulbs all around and I'll put a kiddie pool in there and some plants. I would like to buy a palm tree, but I think they are very expensive. Maybe I'll get rich and then I can have palms trees plus an indoor waterfall. You know what else I'll need for my basement Florida room? A full sized swimming pool. Maybe it can be a cross between an Infinity pool and an endless pool. There is a difference between an endless pool and an infinity pool...if you don't know, please educate yourself on the finer things in life including pools that I'll never really own.

Here are some pictures of my basement Florida room (to be completed for next winter):

Pretty nice view for a basement, huh?




















Here I am swimming (in my mind) in the basement Florida room.


























Here are the lovely floral arrangements that you will see if you turn around and look the other way in my Florida room basement. Those people in the background are tourists. Yes, I get tourists in my basement every now and again. I charge admission. It all works out.

What Beautiful Blue Teeth You Have

Okay. I want to see a picture of this guy. Seriously. What the? How do they do this kind of stuff and who even thinks it up. Don't forget to brush your teeth...I mean eye....I mean...


DUBLIN (AFP) - An Irishman blinded by an explosion two years ago has had his sight restored after doctors inserted his son's tooth in his eye, he said on Wednesday.


Bob McNichol, 57, from County Mayo in the west of the country, lost his sight in a freak accident when red-hot liquid aluminium exploded at a re-cycling business in November 2005.

"I thought that I was going to be blind for the rest of my life," McNichol told RTE state radio.

After doctors in Ireland said there was nothing more they could do, McNichol heard about a miracle operation called Osteo-Odonto-Keratoprosthesis (OOKP) being performed by Dr Christopher Liu at the Sussex Eye Hospital in Brighton in England.

The technique, pioneered in Italy in the 1960s, involves creating a support for an artificial cornea from the patient's own tooth and the surrounding bone.

The procedure used on McNichol involved his son Robert, 23, donating a tooth, its root and part of the jaw.

McNichol's right eye socket was rebuilt, part of the tooth inserted and a lens inserted in a hole drilled in the tooth.

The first operation lasted ten hours and the second five hours.

"It is pretty heavy going," McNichol said. "There was a 65 percent chance of me getting any sight.

"Now I have enough sight for me to get around and I can watch television. I have come out from complete darkness to be able to do simple things," McNichol said.

My Space for Dogs?

Visit my family

Join the Dogster community

I must be bored because I just joined Dogster, and I can't say that I really see the point of it, but oh well. I think they are going to send me some free Febreeze junk to make my house smell better, which is worth something. As Brian of Mexico fame would say, "What do I get for free????" Febreeze, apparently.

Life with Daryl

We've been watching too much TV. So much, in fact, that Daryl's been able to work TV phrases into our daily lives. We were watching a VH1 show the other night. Guess what Daryl yells out now when Duncan is crying?



You'll have to go watch the video on YouTube to find out..

And then, of course, we have the inevitable comment that Daryl uses whenever Duncan has a dirty diaper...

All My Children

I have many children, and much like the the old woman who lived in the shoe, I oftentimes do not know what to do. Getting rid of any of my children is not an option as all of them are unique and therefore very special to me. Here is a list of my children and their unique attributes:



Official Name: Duncan
Nickname: Chunky Man
Favorite Food: Breast milk
Calming Influence: Rocking and lullabies
Daily motivator: Eating
Favorite pastimes: Sticking his tongue out at Daddy, taking baths
Best friend: Barkley




Official Name: Barkley
Nickname: The police
Favorite Food: Bunny Surprise
Calming Influence: None
Daily motivator: Chasing squirrels, policing the house
Favorite pastimes: Watching Animal Planet
Favorite noise: The kitchen timer at grandma's house
Best friend: Sweetums



Official Name: Sweetums
Nickname: Sweety Sweetums
Favorite Food: Bananas
Calming Influence: Going upside down in someone's lap
Daily motivator: Laying by the heat vent
Favorite pastimes: Seeing if she can jump in the bed without getting kicked out
Least favorite noise: Opening garbage bags
Best friend: Barkley



Official Name: Gizmo
Nickname: Fatso
Favorite Food: Doritos, potato chips
Calming Influence: Being in her cat carrier
Daily motivator: Eating
Favorite pastimes: Eating
Favorite noise: The opening of the food cupboard
Best friend: Jenny Craig



Official Name: Daryl
Nickname: D
Favorite Food: His mom's macaroni and cheese
Calming Influence: Ice cream
Daily motivator: Watching sports
Favorite pastimes: Building fires, sticking his tongue out at Duncan
Favorite noise: Farts
Best friend: Scrabulous

My favorite 80s Music Videos

I love the 80s...but more than that, I love the music videos from the 80s. Have you seen today's videos? No? I'm not surprised. As far as I know MTV doesn't even play music videos anymore. I'm not sure how that happened, but honestly, it was a good decision. I mean, I would much rather watch The Hills than a crummy video by Fergie or some other such nastiness.

Who doesn't love this video? You gotta love the lady's 80s hair..and the synthesizer.


Sting...all crazy hair and cello.


Love this one too...another great keyboard synth. More cello too. While I was looking for this one on YouTube, I saw this comment underneath it...don't know what it means, but I like it.

"I, as a gipsy singer from a diffent music style and from different music markets,can say that this video is fantastic, different and so it is successfull as it caught the differency and a good synthesis in music. congractulations. best wishes. cansever"

Best wishes to you too, Cansever.



This video would have made the list even if the ONLY thing it featured was the tambourine player chick. How awesome is her outfit? Blonde waitresses take their trays...They spin around and they cross the floor
They've got the moves (oh whey oh)...You drop your drink then they bring you more...
Where are all the cops??

The Best Christmast Present Ever?

When I was done giving birth, Daryl decided I had earned myself a Jacuzzi tub. He made secret plans to get me one for Christmas. However, it turns out that I have an until now untapped psychic sense about secret Christmas plans. I jokingly asked if I was going to get a Jacuzzi tub for Christmas and because of Daryl's inability to lie to me with a straight face, I found out about the plan. Turns out that jacuzzi tubs are a little pricey and the installation is a lot pricey, so I might have to have a few more kids before I truly earn a jacuzzi tub. Sad, sad.

So, this morning I get up and Daryl says, "I have a really good idea for a combined Christmas gift that I can get and we can afford...it will be for both of us and it's a really, really good idea." I asked what his idea was, but he said that it would be a surprise. Hm.... I reluctantly agreed. I mean, this was the guy that was planning the jacuzzi tub, so it had to be something good...right?

Wrong. Later on Daryl was going on and on about going out and getting firewood from the gardening center near our house. You see, they run an advertisement that crawls along the bottom of the Weather Channel's Local on the 8's, which I watch at night a lot while I'm feeding Duncan because there's nothing else on. Daryl sees the advertisement and is reminded about the firewood, so every day he's been talking about having a fire in the fireplace. Just to make conversation, I said, "Yeah, we still need to get one of those glass doors for the fireplace." We talked about getting one last winter, but we never did because you have to special order them and we just didn't have that kind of energy. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I saw the look on Daryl's face and knew that this was the big surprise Christmas present he had in mind. What? What? What?? This is soooo not in the same league as a jacuzzi tub. I told him that I would not enjoy fireplace doors as my Christmas present. Then, maybe because I'm sleep deprived or maybe because I'm a jerk, I told him that if he had gone ahead and gotten me fireplace doors for Christmas, it would have been worse than when my dad got my mom canning equipment for Christmas. Daryl disagreed, but then I offered to call up any of my girlfriends because I knew that they would tell Daryl on speakerphone that fireplace glass doors is not a good Christmas present ever. Luckily, we didn't have to go there.

Here is a list of other things that I don't want for Christmas ever:
Canning equipment, a garage door, new windows, a couch, potted plants, a new kitchen sink, a new driveway, a mailbox, recessed lighting, a dishwasher, a refrigerator, actually any standard appliance...

Ug.

Milk Factory

Many people comment on how frequently Duncan eats. Like Daryl said yesterday, "You don't get that chunky by not eating." True dat.

I wonder if he will start giving it a rest anytime soon. I've found that pretty much the only thing I can get done while he's eating some good, quality TV watching. I mean, I've watched just about everything there is to watch on TV. I've caught this week's episode of The Hills at least three times. (Do you think Heidi and Spencer are going to break up? Uh, drama!) Thank the good Lord for DVR...otherwise I'd be going crazy having to watch the stupid, stupid stuff on daytime TV. By the way, who thought it would be a good idea to let Drew Carey host The Price is Right? I feel like the poor man is doing community service or something....he seems to loathe the contestants, the prizes...all of it. Not Bob. Bob was always sincerely happy to be there; although, I do think that he thought of all the contestants as peons whilst he was king of the castle. Maybe that's the attitude Drew Carey needs to adopt.

Anyways, the problem comes when the only thing left on the DVR is Intervention and I've run out of things to watch. Let's face it. Intervention is a good show, but I can only watch someone shoot up with heroin if I'm in the right mood. Then, if they don't get better at the treatment center at the end, I'm totally depressed. Why do I have like 6 episodes of Intervention saved and nothing else? Because I used up all my Reno 911s earlier in the day and Sam the Cooking Guy doesn't come on until Tuesday. THat's why.

Last night was brutal. We don't have a DVR in the bedroom, and it was 5 am, so I was not about to go out to the living room. So, I'm stuck with regular live TV. Not to worry, I thought. I'll watch the morning news and laugh at the traffic report like I've done every morning. (I can laugh because I'm not about to drive anywhere at 5 in the morning...haha.) BUT, I forgot it was Saturday (see, that's what happens when you stop going to work). There is no news on at 5 am on Saturday. However, I was able to see how clean the STEAM SHARK can get your floors. Sparkling!!! I can see how people can be convinced to buy those things at 5 am. I mean, you're just not in your right mind and you're thinking...Oh my gosh...the steamer pad is machine washable...Right ON!!

If only I could read one handed....then I would be all set. I find it difficult to hold the book close enough to me and not smush Duncan underneath it though. Plus, turning the pages with one hand is no fun.

December is Better Without Work

I like not going to work. Don't you? I don't miss the traffic, my friend at the top of the off ramp with his "I'm hungry" sign, the complaints from sleep-deprived teenagers, grading essays, any of it, really....

I thought I might get bored, but I'm not yet. Duncan fills my day with diaper changes, feedings, baths, and the occasional crying fit. Even when he spits up all over me, it's hard not to smile and be happy because at least I'm not at work. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and all....it's just nice to do something else for a while.

What I like best is that my life is finally simple. Yesterday's goal was to eat something good for dinner. A few days before that, I wanted to make cookies. Check and check. I feel so accomplished. This week I want to do an hour or two of Christmas shopping and clean out the maternity clothes from my closet. I know these don't sound like very lofty goals, but I really do have to plan my whole day around them. I'm telling you...making the cookies took some strategic planning.

Now, I don't have much more to say here, so here is the slide show that I made of Duncan. (It has several surprises, so watch carefully.)