News From Last Night

Brian and Angela tied the knot.















Chip likes to look like he is going to lick people.

I do not think this is okay.

Daryl is growing a mustache!

My dad and brother have joined a gang.

We left the wedding before my grandparents did.

What is Happening to Me?

Today I was driving to work and I had to come to a conclusion that I didn't like. I was enjoying listening to a song by the Barenaked Ladies. I cranked up "Pinch Me" and sang at the top of my lungs so that all the other drivers on I-94 would look at me weird (which they did). Then, my exit came, the song ended, I had to see that guy that stands at the top of my exit ramp with his giant sign that says he's a disabled vet and that no, your money won't go for drugs or alcohol. For God's sake. Why couldn't the song last a little longer?
Here's the rub. I've always loathed BNL (aside from "If I had a Million Dollars"). Maybe it's because of the one guy's voice or the fact that they have a song called "Be My Yoko Ono," which runs into a whole other topic of things I don't like. What's going on here? Why the sudden change? Will it be like in college when I hated, hated, hated Our Lady Peace and then decided to go buy their CD? Hm...
Here's the BNL lyrics that I sang the loudest to:
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I packed the car and leave this town
Will you notice that I'm not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say 'underwear'
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway.
It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.
Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
realize that a guy my size might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.

I have another conundrum. I was listening to "My Humps" on the way home from class. Why can't I turn that song off? It's degrading, derogatory, and dumb. The three D's. But I sing to that too. The best line is, "What you gon' do wit all that breast? All that breast inside that shirt?" What kind of a question is that?? If you have never read the lyrics to "My Humps," you must. It's an experience you must have before you die. And you can help me figure out why I don't turn off the song.

Ha Ha....Do you want to hear the karaoke version???

Since I'm putting on all these song links, here's one for Holly.

Funny

This is a video called "Free Photo Booth." It is very funny. Clicking on the link will take you to a Google video site.

Sometimes I Feel I've Got to Run Away...

I need to be rescued from the horrible music. I'm sorry but "Tainted Love" is a classic that should not be messed with. What is this? Stop it.
Oh, now that I'm online looking for the song, I've found that it's been copied several times. Soft Cell, I don't care how poor you are. Stop licensing your song to crappy artists!

The Original

The Craptastic Version

Marilyn Manson??

The Living End (Who I love, but should not be redoing this song either)

AHHHHH!!! I Didn't Even KNOW About THIS ONE. This MIGHT be worse than Rihanna's version

I have to picture Kelly being sung to by Tom N. up at MSU when I hear the real version of the song. "Don't touch me please; I cannot stand the way you tease..." Ha ha ha.

The Sistas

A List of Reasons Why I Love My Sistas:
1. They each have a good sense of humor.
2. They love the Sims almost as much as I do.
3. They help me to to keep the brothers under control (which is not an easy job).
4. What other sistas do I have? :-)
5. They both love this song (and I do too).
6. They are almost crazy as I am.
7. They love to dance.
8. They understand.
9. They introduced me to the wonderful world of pedicures.
10. They are just plain awesome.

P.S. If you're a sista, click here.

New Feature

If you'll draw your eyes over to the side bar, you will notice a new feature. I thought it would be cool to have a list of books I am currently reading. Well, actually, I started out believing that there would only be one. Then, I got to thinking and realized that I am currently reading five books. So, there you go. Life of an English teacher, I guess. Oh, wait. Mr. Dickens has something to say:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

In other news, the wasps are back. I can see them out the window. You may remember references to wasps in an earlier posting entitled "I Hate Bugs". Well, it's the 2nd warm day of the year here in Michigan, and here they are. They are so bold that they are flying into the window *SMACK* and taunting me.

Dear Cricket

I should apologize for the jab at Pepper's outfit the other day. I have forgotten that I once dressed my Barkley up for Halloween. The next day she ate the outfit (oh, that's one that I forgot to put on the list I sent to Daryl's mom). So, I don't think she liked it. She was a Bark-a-Shark.
I've never quite figured out why the outfit has little arms. I guess the shark has supposedly eaten someone.

Hoppin' Down the Bunny Trail

My mom has gone Easter overboard. I begged her not to, but she has put Pepper into her baby chick costume early this year. Poor Pepper! She'll be wearing it from now until Easter.

Mexico

I was just looking back at the blog and I realized that I never told you anything about our trip to Mexico. We saw a baracuda while we swimming, and we got bitten by some fire ants. That's about the only bad things that happened. Oh, wait. Someone got murdered at our resort while we were there.

Two Canadian tourists killed in Mexican resort
Updated Wed. Feb. 22 2006 6:13 AM ET
CTV.ca News Staff
Two Canadian tourists, who were in Mexico for their daughter's wedding, were found brutally murdered in their hotel room one day before the nuptials.
"Foreign Affairs has been informed yesterday of the death of a Canadian couple," Pamela Greenwell, Foreign Affairs spokesperson told CTV.ca on Tuesday night.
"Contact has been established with accompanying family in order to offer consular assistance," she said, adding that Mexican authorities have launched an investigation into their deaths.
Local papers say Domenico Ianiero, a 59-year-old real estate agent, and his 55-year-old wife Annunziata, also known as Nancy, were discovered slain in their hotel room on Monday morning, their throats slit by a knife, execution-style.
According to unconfirmed local reports, the bodies were found after family members became concerned when they were unable to locate the couple.
It's believed nothing was stolen from the Ianiero's room, nor were there signs of forced entry.
The Woodbridge, Ont. couple was staying at the luxurious Barcelo Maya hotel, which is located some 20 kilometres south of Playa del Carmen.
The hotel's general manager told CTV's Scott Laurie that he could not give out any further information about the murders.
"It's pretty clear from walking in the lobby that there is an increased security presence there. There were a lot of people walking around, not in uniform but in walkie talkies, clearly keeping track of who is coming and going from the hotel," Laurie reported from Playa del Carmen.
Authorities have questioned sixteen Canadians in Mexico, who were travelling with the couple for the wedding, which was scheduled for Tuesday.
It's unclear the role Canadian authorities will play in the investigation.
"The Mexican police naturally have prime jurisdiction in the area, so in the end we must leave it to them," said Dave Harris, the former chief of strategic planning for CSIS.
"But they have every incentive to be co-operative because when you think about it a good deal of Mexico's income does come from tourism and Canadians are considerable contributors to that influx," Harris said, appearing on CTV Newsnet.
Meanwhile, news of the couple's deaths have left neighbours and co-workers reeling.
"He is not the type of person that this should actually happen to," said Vince Carere of Domenico Ianiero, who he worked with at HomeLife Real Estate.
One neighbour, who described the couple as "smiling" and "friendly," told CTV Toronto: "We were shocked. I don't even know what words I can say to describe what we felt."

Yeah, so everything else was fine though. Why is it that evilness seems to follow me around lately? Weird.

Devil

I was just looking around at this website about Koko, a gorilla who knows sign language. You can browse around and see photos of Koko making her 48 very most favorite signs, one of which is devil. So, I began wondering: When did the need arise to teach Koko the word devil? Just something to ponder...

Uncle Walt

When I Heard the Learned Astronomer
by Walt Whitman

When I heard the learn'd astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide,
and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with
much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

Time Out

Are today's parents feeding their children speed? Just asking.
Today I had to give the 8th Grade Computer Proficiency Examination. Oh, what fun. These are the days that I would like to be paid as much as the lovely person who created the 8th Grade Computer Proficiency Examination. I would also like power to permanently relieve that person from their work duties. I'm not sure that it tested anyone's ability to operate a computer as much as it tested my own patience.
The test consisted of a full page of instructions. As you may know from recently visiting any movie theater with teenage patrons, kids cannot follow even the simplest of instructions. Even on a normal day when I ask that they open their book to page 324, I must repeat myself 4 or 5 times. Even then, I'm lucky if half of them have their books out. I was instructed not to help the kids with any part of the instructions as this was part of the test. They began by playing along nicely. "Listen up, kids. This is important," I announce. Josh stop clicking your mouse and listen.
"I am (CLICK, CLICK, CLICKITY CLICK). "
"Okay, Josh. Just remember that you will live your life in computer purgatory if you don't pass this test."
"What's purgatory?"
"Never mind."
"This test is important. You see, if you don't pass the powers that be will take away your elective classes...art, pastries (yes, we have a pastries class), small engine repair...and they will replace that elective with Computers for Dummies. So, if you don't want to be in Computers for Dummies, you need to follow directions and do everything perfectly. Yes, Amanda. You have a question."
"What if we like make like one mistake? Do they like put us in the stupid computer class?"
"Yes, I'm afraid they will. They're very mean."
The class nods gravely. They understand that their future happiness is on the line. I explain that they need to read the sheet on their own and follow directions carefully. "Do you understand?" Nod, nod, nod. Yes teacher, you are very boring, let's go. Their fingers are twitching. They're ready to start. "Okay, get started."
Thirty seconds elapse.
"Oh, Eric. You have a question already? What do you need?"
"Can we start?"
You can probably guess how my day went. Spring break cannot come fast enough. I have to give parts 2 and 3 of this stupid thing tomorrow. Today's song (I wish).
The kid's song about me.

P.S. Photo is not of my actual students, but it resembles my students very much.

P.P.S Do not look up "bored students" on Yahoo image search (in case you were just about to do that). "Boring class" yields much better and cleaner results.

My Ears Hurt

I feel like I just got home from Angela's bachelorette party. Oh, wait. That's cause I just did. I got home at 4:00am. That's a new record for my 26 year old body. Which reminds me, I still need to make coffee. And go back to sleep because I feel like the walking dead.
Well, I've seen a lot of scary, crazy stuff in my night clubbing days. There was the guy in Chicago who got smacked over the head with a bottle and the crazy drug deals I saw in Mt. Clemens, but last night had to take the cake. First, I have to point out that I have an eye for trouble when I'm at the bar. I think it comes partly from having a husband in law enforcement and partly from years of teaching high school. I am always on patrol and it was no differnt last night at Club Envy in Detroit. Anyways, I noticed something was not right. People were terribly drunk. Falling over and that kind of thing, so I knew there would be trouble somewhere very soon. I began watching the stairs to the "VIP room," which according to the people filing up and down the stairs was based on how much money you show the bouncers rather than any kind of good looks. So, I'm looking at the stairs and people are coming down, down, down in a hurry. I looked at the girl next to me. Is there a fire up there or something? She, unlike me, did not have a nose for trouble and did not care. The bouncers started scrambling around. Then, came the guy in the torn up shirt. Okay, maybe no fire, but definitely a fight I thought. We were sitting on a couch and suddenly someone (a bouncer, a bartender??) came over and jumped on the table in front of us waving his arms trying to get the DJ to cut the music. I look over at my group who along with the other club goers cannot believe they are turning on the lights and cutting the music. To them, the party was being cut unfairly short, to me this was a sign that something majorly bad was happening. I'm a panicer, so I was just ready to go, go, go. Suddenly we are informed by Angela's step mom that our limo is out front and that we are to book it to the limo because there is fighting going on outside. So out we go. Through the front door, past the fighting inside only to find that things are much, much worse outside. There are about 10 Detroit police cars, CAUTION TAPE(!), and a blood splattered limo in front of us as we walk out the door. Our poor limo driver looks completely paniced and we run toward the limo cautiously going around the small puddles of blood on the sidewalk. The other girls reported seeing a blood covered guy, but I didn't see him. Gee, I don't know what was distracting me.
It's almost ironic though because right before all this happened, I was thinking, "Hey, Detroit has really cleaned up its act. I'm downtown, I ain't scrd." No. No. No. That was some crazy crap right there. Holy cow.
I have to say that although the club has a nasty fight club thing going on, they play good music. I am happy to report that they played "Laffy Taffy." If you have read all of my prior blogs, you know this one is a favorite. They also play "Here Come the Hotstepper," which I love because I dance to it just like I'm a hotstepper. Kelly knows all about that. THat song is so old I almost forgot about it.
Hey, I was just looking for links to my songs up above and I found this one. This is such a stupid song (with a stupid video), but I love it. Another one here...how are these all on the same CD??
Sincerely,
The Lyrical Gangsta

Songs

I like to put songs on my blog for your entertainment pleasure. Here are some that I love and just think are funny. I had to make a special posting for songs because they didn't fit anywhere else and I couldn't think of anything else to say about them.

This is me everyday.
I like this song because it reminds me of my job which is funny unto itself. Why anyone would put me in charge of a bunch of kids...I have no clue.

For those depressing days.
I like this song because it reminds me of my and Kelly's dream of singing kareoke (no idea how to spell this Japanese trend).

Song I cannot wait to rock out to.
As I've said before this song rocks. I wish they would play it next time I'm out at the club.

Speaking of...
I'll be there wit my bottle full of bub.

A List of Things I Secretly Don't Believe (or don't want to)

Here goes....
1. That my cat weighs 17.4 pounds.
2. That when you use Dawn dishwashing liquid the bubbles turn into little vacuum cleaners that suck up all the grease.
3. That the Woman with a 200 Pound Tumor show is on AGAIN tonight.
4. How long it's been since I've cleaned my house (no, I'm not telling).
5. That "The Simple Life" is now rerunning on E!.
6. And that I've been watching it.
7. That one of my teaching partners once shot a man trying to rob him by taking the robber's gun away from him (I've heard him tell the story twice now).
8. That one of my teaching partners (same one) is actually going to physical therapy each time he leaves the building saying, "I'm off to physical therapy."
9. That he once took an 8th grade boy to get tested for STDs with the boy's parents' blessing.
10. That he sings in a gospel choir downtown.
11. That he was once a raging alcoholic, in the army, an engineer, a principal, a notary public, an attorney, a grief counselor, and a loving father (not all at the same time, obviously).
12. That I have held myself back from calling this guy out on all his lies.
13. That I am 26 years old.
14. That it's 8:17 P.M. and Daryl still isn't home (even though he left for work at 6:00ish A.M.)
15. That anyone buys exercise videos from John Basedow...He's gonna show you how...to meet your potential...and turn your whole life around...(sing it with me) IT'S FITNESS MADE SIMPLE...la da dee da duh...

Okay. Okay. I'm Back.

Wow. I did not blog for a very long time, and I apologize to those of you who are avid blog readers. I wanted to get on here and blog about my trip to Mexico, but then I had a giant paper due, so then I was gonna write about it after that, but then it seemed too late. And my life has been downright boring (and depressing...I'm in Michigan and not somewhere warm like Mexico) since then.
Let's just talk now about my impact on the world. That's right. MY WORLD DOMINATING IMPACT. Muhhahahhaaa. At last count I have inspired six people to create their own blogs and one to create her own picture page (okay maybe Daryl was responsible for that inspiration). Two of these people have only ever posted one posting (PAUL and MONTY!!!) so I am very sad about that. Others have created wonderful pieces of artistic regalia with their blog. My mom's is very funny (at least I think it's funny). You may view it by clicking on the link to the right. Vanilla Dan's umm... well..... Vanilla Dan's is threatening in that if you don't post comments to his blog you may get threatening comments posted on yours in return. (Please see elephant blog below). I'm not here to tell you where to take your grand Sandy inspiration, but I am here to tell you how important it is to update your blog more than once (PAUL and MONTY!!!) and not be threatening.
Daryl is home from work now. I should go feed him lasagna.

Just For Kelly

Definitely click here.

And if you lauged, click here because you will probably also like the punk kittens.

Stop Whining

What a bunch of whiny babies. Look what was in the Seattle Times:

It's snowing
Posted by Seattle Times at 01:55 PM
Yeah, yeah, so we hear you have some wind issues back there in the Great Metropolis.
Well, I'm looking out of the window of the 46th floor of the Marriott Renaissance Center hotel and I can tell you that it is snowing hard — and horizontally — in downtown Detroit. The wind didn't seem quite that brutal on the ground, where I was 15 minutes ago, but it appears to have picked up. The Detroit newspapers this morning said 8 inches of snow on the ground is possible for game day.
Yes, Ford Field has a roof, but the view from my window illustrates the argument of those who think Super Bowls ought not be played in northern cities.
Holy schmaholy. I think my windows are about to get blown out.

Heck yeah, it's snowing. Welcome to Detroit.
Eminem says hi.

The Drain vs. The Broccoli

The Super Bowl is here and so is the broccoli. The broccoli happens to be in the basement sink next the washing machine. It made a special appearance in our laundry tub a few days ago when we tried washing a load of laundry. Daryl and I stood there and asked ourselves, "How the heck is there broccoli floating in the laundry tub? How odd!" Okay, really, I was the only one sincerely asking that question. Daryl already had a clue, but he didn't want to tell me I don't think.
You see, a few days before we had Daryl's parents over for dinner. I chopped up some broccoli and put it out with some dip. Daryl was nice enough to clean it up afterward. Rather than saving the broccoli, he dumped all of the remaining broccoli (which was a lot) down the drain and ran the garbage disposal.
The truth came out a few days later when my dad came over to help us and said, "Broccoli really clogs up drains. They're kinda spongy, you know?" Daryl broke down and admitted to stuffing the broccoli down the drain. Now, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same exact thing. Actually, I probably would have transferred the broccoli to a zip-lock bag, put it in the refrigerator, waited about two weeks for it to start rotting, then thrown it away in the garbage. See, I would have taken a different route. Daryl's was just more pro-active.
My favorite part of the whole ordeal was hearing my dad explain to someone else that we had had a plumbing problem. "What caused it?" my grandpa asked.
"I don't know...I guess Daryl thought the garbage disposal was a tree shredder or something," explained my dad. He's so funny. But I think he didn't really think that the broccoli was that funny.
So today, I decided to press my luck. Remember that game show? No whammy. No whammy. Big MONEY!! Anyway, the drain was supposedly fixed, so I put in a load. To really make matters more chancy, I turned that baby up to "oversized load." Oh, this would be a lot of water. Then I waited to see what would happen.
I'll tell you what happened. Black sludge came up to the top of the floor drain. Yes, the very tip top. Ug. It smelled like a combination of dead possum, sick apple, and black sludge. I was so scared that it would just start flooding the basement.
So, I called my dad and he said, "Dump some ammonia and hot water down there." So I did. When the rinse cycle came on the drain REALLY overflowed, but at least it smelled like ammonia and not black sludge.
I'm a gamblin' girl, see, so I decided to put on one more load of laundry. I was waiting nervously by the washer. This time I only did "large load." Then, the moment of truth was here. The water starting churning out of the washer pipe and into the drain. "Go. Go. Go!" I chanted. Here it was, the water was busting on out of the drain pipe on the floor again. "Go. Go. Go," I urged the water to start flowing back down the drain with all my heart. It was all I knew how to do. I stomped my feet. "Go. Gooooo. GOOOOO!!!" Stupid drain. Well, the floor's wet, but the laundry's done, and there's no broccoli in the sink.

P.S. You can see the broccoli stains on the sink in the picture. Yuck.

Sandra 2005

My name is now a technological acronym. How nice. Click here.

Drew Neitzel: Babe of da Day

I know, I know. He's too young for me and I'm married to Daryl, but I'm still declaring Drew Neitzel the babe of the day. Not for his hottie good looks necessarily either, but because he has fantastic basketball skills.

Cesar is Back!

And he is ready to train some dogs. Tonight's episode: "Buddy, Teddy, and Matilda" Episode #203. A dog stalks and kills small animals; a poodle chases cars; an English bulldog attacks skateboards." If you have never watched the dog whisperer, you are missing out. Barkley even says so. I have a feeling that Cesar is going to tell the family with the dog that stalks and kills small animals that their dog has serious problems. Maybe he'll have to take it to the dog rehabilitation center for treatment.

You know, yesterday I had an epiphany. Crazy people always have lots of keys. So many, many more than one person would need... There are several (SEVERAL) crazy teachers at the school I work at. They each have about a million keys. Just to be fair, I need to say up front that I will exclude the custodians from the keys=crazy rule. It's necessary for them to have tons of keys, therefore not crazy. Back to the ones who are crazy though. We have this shop teacher and I know you're probably thinking of your own shop teacher from back in the day, but this guy takes the cake. And he has a lot of keys. They don't even fit in his pocket because he has too many. So that's a signb too. If you're carry your keys on your belt loop somehow...you might be in trouble.

My Journey to Bloomington, Indiana (and Back)

We went to see Kelly and Chip this weekend. I wish I could have snapped a photo of ALL the crazy moments, but there are only so many pictures you can take. First off, we decided to go on the weekend where we would have to drive through the world's worst snow flurries and wind. Once we got there, however, the moments turned into the good crazy kind. Of course, that was AFTER Daryl apologized for threatening to leave me in the bathroom at the Chelsea, MI Big Boy Restuarant.
On Saturday, we went to my favorite store--Target---where else? I had to buy a bathing suit. You'll see why later. Then, we went to the Cold Stone Creamery where I had never been before. I got Apple Pie al a Mode (or however you spell it) ice cream. It was great. Chip kept throwing his waffle cone on the floor and that was kind of embarrassing. Of course, this was after lunch where Daryl dropped his hot dog in an even more embarrassing spot, so I suppose Chip's antics pale in comparison to Daryl's.
Then, Kelly and I went swimming. (See, this is where the bathing suit comes in.) The boys stayed behind and played a rousing game of Scrabble. Kelly and I pretended we were on a tropical Indiana vacation and stayed in the pool until we looked like Prunes. I think I got a tan. Just kidding.
Then, we went back to Kelly's and I did one of my favorite things. I took a nap. After that, Kelly made us yummy steak and potatoes on her George Foreman grill. We had to gear up for our big night out. After about three rounds of Apples to Apples, we were ready to start getting ready. Kelly and I mushed together in one bathroom to get ready just for old times sake. Then, when we looked like mega-babes, we left for the bar.
Kelly told me to get a long island iced tea, so I did. When it came, I was surprised (and pleased) to see that it was served to me in a full sized pitcher with a straw. Kelly did not tell me that even though she knew.
When we had our fill of iced-tea, we drove home listening to Laffy Taffy. It was great.
The next day, we pretty much bummed around and I taught Kelly "Oh Heck," which I learned from Holly. I was hoping I could teach Kelly and then I could win against her. However, Kelly caught on quickly, and I bet she could even give Holly a run for her money.
We were so sad to leave the 60 degree Bloomington the next day. :-( We drove and drove the six hour drive back to Michigan, stopped by my mom's to pick up the dog and cat, and drove to our house. When we opened the door, it felt cold. When I looked at the thermostat, it said 51 degrees. Our furnance was broken. We had to drive back to my parents and spend the night so we didn't wake up with hypothermia. I hate Michigan.

P.S. The only song I like more than Laffy Taffy right now is The Honkey-Tonk Badonkadonk.

Flava Flav

Flava Flav has a new show. Daryl just let me know that it's on right now, so I have to go watch it. I don't know why anyone...especially me...would want to waste my time watching this show. It is totally ridiculous but a very good time waster.

He is out of control. With his clocks and all.

Happy Saturday

It is SO Saturday today. I am not ashamed to admit that I slept until 10:30 and did not take a shower until noon. It was beautiful.
Now, I am off to one of my very favorite places-the library. I love it. I cannot get over the fact that there is a place you can go and borrow books for free. For free. I love free stuff. Of course, the books aren't always free for me because I tend to forget that I have them and then I have to pay overdue fines. That's okay though. That's why I haven't been back to the Grosse Pointe library in a while...I owe $6.00. What a scam. Oh well.

Ten Hours Until I Have to Start Teaching AGAIN

In honor of the ten hour mark...
Top Ten Questions Paris Hilton Asked Herself Before Buying A Monkey
10. "Does it go with my shoes?"
9. "Should I get the extended warranty that covers replacement monkey parts?"
8. "Which species got the best rating from 'Consumer Monkey Reports'?"
7. "Does Louis Vuitton make monkey-wear?"
6. "Will it get along with whatever wealthy twit I'm currently engaged to?"
5. "If I don't buy this monkey, does that mean the terrorists have won?"
4. "Will it get along with Lindsay Lohan's orangutan?"
3. "Should I consider leasing?"
2. "Can it be trained to hold a video camera?"
1. "Will I still want a monkey when I'm sober?"

Thanks Dave.
He rocks.

Now, something fun from Huckleberry Finn which I will be discussing in room 244 at 8:00 AM tomorrow.
"After breakfast I wanted to talk about the dead man and guess out how he come to be killed, but Jim didn't want to. He said it would fetch bad luck; and besides, he said, he might come and ha'nt us; he said a man that warn't buried was more likely to go a-ha'nting around than one that was planted and comfortable. That sounded pretty reasonable, so I didn't say no more; but I couldn't keep from studing over it and wishing I knowed who shot the man, and what they done it for."
Thanks Mark Twain.
He rocked.

I am Sophia

Which Golden Girl Are You?

Ouch

Happy New Year I guess. I have come to a conclusion, and it is a very sad one. I am far too old for New Year's Eve parties. Also, Steve's Fruitinis are dangerous and should be outlawed.

Bonbini!

Bonbini means welcome if you're in Aruba. How do I know that? Well, I'm thinking about moving there. When Daryl initially asked me if I wanted to move to Aruba, I laughed. "Haha. You silly man. We can't move to Aruba. What would we do with our house, etc, etc?" So, Daryl did not put in for the job transfer to Aruba, but his friend Rich did. So, Rich is seriously moving to Aruba with his wife. They will live there for two to five years. Now that I know the deal, I'm working it all out in my head, and I pretty much think that we will be moving to Aruba the next time the opportunity presents itself. I am pretty darn sick of my job, so if I can move to Aruba and lay on the beach all day, so be it.
You know, this is the problem with my life. It is far too normal. I have always had everything nice and planned out. Of course, it has worked out well for me. But I think it's time to cut loose a little bit, you know, kick off my Sunday shoes. I think it's time to move to Aruba or some other tropical paradise.
When I started seriously considering Aruba, Daryl thought I was a little crazy, but I think he's just about ready to get on board. At first he said, "Won't you be bored in Aruba after a little while?" I said, "Well, I think they probably have a Barnes and Noble somewhere on that island and that solves all my troubles."
***I just sneezed about ten times and it's making me really mad because my nose is making it almost impossible to finish my blog.****
What's good about living in Aruba? Oh, lots of things. First, I could just take a sabbatical from my job probably and say sianara to all of that for a little while. Next, the government would pay all of our moving costs. Also, we would get a weekly allowance for food and housing. Now, the good thing is that the government doesn't give you what it costs to eat in Aruba....They give you enough to pay for what it costs to eat here, so you have tons of money left over. Lobster every night, baby. To top it all off, they would give Daryl extra vacations for "home leave" so that we could visit our loved ones whenever we wanted. Sounds good to me. Sign me up. So, who wants to come visit us in Aruba?

82 Degrees

Did you know that the average high in Cancun in February is 82 degrees? I do. How do I know? I know because I am obsessed with my upcoming trip to Mexico. I cannot wait to blow this popstand and get somewhere warm. Today I opened the back door to let Barkley out, and I said, "Gee, it feels pretty warm out." I actually said that. It was 37 degrees. So, yes, I need some help.
My other vacation for 2006 will be an all expense paid trip to Washington D.C. The airfare, lodging, transportation, and admission fees to wonderful sites are all included. Am I the lucky winner of a contest? I'm afraid I am not. It's called "8th Grade Class Trip." Thinking back to my own days in middle school, I remember going on two field trips. We went on a foreign excursion...to a fort in Canada, which was very boring. This was in 6th grade. Then, the biggie came in 7th grade. We took a two-parter, actually. One week we went to the waste water treatment plant, and the next week we went to the water clean-up facility. The first smelling much worse than the second. You could actually see the poo floating in the water. It was disgusting. After seeing the whole process, I can't say that I was excited to drink tap water anymore.
My trips don't even begin to rival my dad's middle school trip. They went to the sanitarium. Fun, fun.
So, I guess things could be a lot worse, but I'm not sure going to our nation's capitol with a throng of Polo-horse wearing, Evian drinking 13 year olds is going to be a joyride either. I'll let you know. Happy 2006 if I don't talk to you before then.

No One Ever Said It Would Be Easy

Well-
My big fat giant paper is due tomorrow. So, this is classic Sandy. I am such a procrastinator. My paper is called, "Reading Choice in the Middle School Classroom." I am thinking of changing it to "The Metacognitive Effects of Independently Read Texts in the Adolescent Learning Environment." What do you think? I am planning to talk about "standard deviation" and "n=" and all the other things that professors like. Before long, my coffee will wear off, and as usual I will wake up at 4:00 AM to finish my paper, go to work, edit after work, then send it in the email to my professor. Cuz that's how I roll.

New topic. My mom has made a hobby of posting fake Christmas gifts on her website. She picks out funny things for Paul, Daryl, and me. When she isn't busy finding and posting these ridiculous gifts, she spends her time asking me if I've checked to see my new gift yet. What she doesn't know is that I would actually use the gift that she has up right now so maybe it's not so funny. Here it is:
What she doesn't know is that I would not put the dog in it. I would put the cat in there and roll her around the neighborhood. I might put the horns on her too and maybe even wear horns myself. She would like that. Then, she would probably get home and bite me. Cuz that's how she rolls.

I have to tell you how this whole Christmas gift fiasco started. You see, it's been a favorite pastime for my mom and me to find the most hideous item in the weekly circulars and say, "That's what I'm getting you for _______." You can just fill in whatever the most appropriate holiday is in the blank there. Generally, there's good stuff in the jewelry section of the Sear's flyer. My mom has obviously taken this game to a whole new level though. So here....drum roll please.... is what I know my mom desperately desires to get for Christmas. You can bet your buttons that it will make it's way to her stocking on December 25.....

She has always wanted a "Kenneth" ID bracelet. Haven't you? Okay, okay. Time to get serious. What would mom really like to see in her stocking on Christmas Day? I'll give you one hint (okay.. a couple). She sees him every single night. He's a really good cook. He eats ham. He's really funny (to my mom at least).... Give up?


Alton Brown!!! Har har har....


Look how handsome. See the way his brow scrunches up? That's because he's so serious about food. I put his picture up REALLY LARGE for you, mom. When he's not wearing his super cool sexy shades, he has dork glasses. Sorry, mom, but he does. Here he is in his dork glasses. I don't know what the heck's wrong with the photo, but you can see his dork glasses, and that's all that matters. (Capital letter compound sentence comma conjunction end punctuation) I need to go write my paper now.

My Biggest Fear is Put to Rest

Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I have been terrified by opossums. I think I have mentioned them before. There is nothing good about them. They hiss, they are ugly, and they hiss. Like I mentioned in my blog before, my fear of opossums really took root when my dad told me that they would drop out of the trees as I was walking to high school in the black of night at 6:45 in the morning. My fears can now all go away. I have found out that opossums don't even hang by their tails! Check it out. They do, however have opposable thumbs. Who knew?

Top ten signs you live in Michigan in November

10. You are currently using a vat of lip balm each day.
9. You thoroughly enjoy the entertainment value of your neighbor's sprinkler system freezing and producing a giant geyser when the underground pipe system cracks.
8. You are so entertained that you take pictures of the geyser (that do not turn out because it is 5:00 and pitch black out).
7. It takes you longer to get dressed to go on a walk with your dog than the actual walk takes.
6. You are cold 24/7.
5. It takes about 15 minutes to get up the courage to get the mail from the mailbox on your front porch.
4. Because it is so cold, one of the local radio stations assumes that it is okay to play Christmas music from November 1st onward. Let's remember what happens when we assume.
3. Run out of refrigerator space on Thanksgiving day? No problemo. Put it out in the garage!
2. Your jaw is sore from mashing your teeth together when you have to leave the comfort of the house.
1. You think about that vacation to Mexico at least once each hour.

Happy Belated Halloween

Well, I realize it is well past Halloween, but no worry. You will still appreciate my Halloween pictures. My costume was in the works for several months. I thought about exactly what I wanted to wear in order to create the perfect Napoleon Dynamite costume. Now here comes the irony. Daryl made up his costume in five minutes and won a prize for his costume at O's Halloween party. How unfair. He was fifty-cent. Friggin' idiot.

Great Expectations.

C/O the Associated Press

OGDEN, Utah - There's a new fad of students — mostly girls — wearing pajama bottoms to school, and so far administrators are not making a fuss about it.
"Some days you don't want to get dressed up for school. Like when it's raining and cold. You just want to be cozy," said Ben Lomond junior Elvia Escalante, 16.
School administrators in Ogden, Weber and Davis school districts say the pajamas have been modest and there hasn't been a problem.
"There are worse things a kid could wear to school," said Ross Lunceford, principal of Hillcrest Elementary School in Ogden.
"There's a fine line there, and I think sometimes we need to pick our battles. Should we get into a tussle over pajamas?" said Eileen Nicholas, student and family services teacher specialist for Ogden district.
Administrators say there are daily dress-code struggles with students who like to wear short skirts, high- and low-cut shirts, gang-affiliated apparel and sagging or low-cut pants that show their underwear.
"Pajama bottoms would be an improvement for some of our kids," said Ogden High School Principal Ed Jenson.
"I just look at it as something silly. I don't know why teenagers dress the way they do," said Ogden High math teacher Mary Courney.
Some students don't think much of the attire.
"They may be comfy, but it makes you look trashy and it gives you the idea you can just slack off for the day," said Ben Lomond High School senior Alena Marshall, 18.
"Pajamas are for bedtime, not school. It makes the students more relaxed, so they're not focusing as much on their school work," said Ben Lomond High senior Tiffany Church, 17.
Ben Lomond High junior Lori Wayment, 16, was wearing pink-flowered cotton pajama bottoms last week, because, she said, "they're warm"
Ogden High freshman Karen Chacon, 14, said she was wearing her white pajama bottoms with blue vertical stripes, because "they're comfortable."
And Ogden High junior Jessica Hannah, 16, wore red pajama pants decorated with black AC/DC letters because "it's Friday."

Ta Dah!

My new piano is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Ever.

So Many Funny Pictures, So Little Time

As I was eating my shrimp egg foo young and getting it all over the keyboard, I was looking for good pictures. Mmm...shrimpy. Anyway, I found this one you see right here. This lady is on her 16th kid. Somebody, anybody make it stop. As my mom would say, "They know what causes that now." But really, that's not what makes her funny. Her mega mullet makes her funny. There's another picture on the web that makes it look like she is wearing her dog on her head. I'm not kidding. Ok. Wait. I just read the article and her hair is not the funniest part. She says she is ready for more children. And...

"The Learning Channel is doing another show about the family's construction project, a 7,000-square foot house that should be finished before Christmas. The home, which the family from the northwest Arkansas town of Rogers has been building for two years, will have nine bathrooms, dormitory-style bedrooms for the girls and boys, a commercial kitchen, four washing machines and four dryers.

Their children include two sets of twins, and each child has a name beginning with the letter "J": Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah."

When you need four washing machines, I think it might be time to stop. My favorite name by the way is Jinger. "Is that Ginger?" her teachers ask. "Oh, yes. Jinger with a J." Because she's special.

In other news, The Smurfs are on fire. You know what would be really funny? They could have this and then the Smurf song over it. Dah, Dah, dah dah dah DAHHH....dah da Dah di DAH. As if the world isn't miserable enough? Why do they need to set the Smurfs on fire. Okay, we get it. There are disasters all over. We feel bad. STOP IT.

And then there's this guy. His name is the troll. He is a Mexican wrestler.

Just some crazy guy...

I just saw a picture of Chris Elliot (of Something About Mary) on the internet and it reminded me of my dad. You know who else he looks like? Van Gogh (as in the guy who cut off his ear and then Don McLean wrote a song about him). I think they both have more hair than my dad though.

Ah, Squirrels.

On a Squirrel Crossing the Road in Autumn, in New England
by Richard Eberhart

It is what he does not know,
Crossing the road under the elm trees,
About the mechanism of my car,
About the Commonwealth of Massachusetts,
About Mozart, India, Arcturus,

That wins my praise. I engage
At once in the whirling squirrel-praise.

He obeys the orders of nature
Without knowing them.
It is what he does not know
That makes him beautiful.
Such a knot of little purposeful nature!

I who can see him as he cannot see himself
Repose in the ignorance that is his blessing.

It is what man does not know of God
Composes the visible poem of the world.
...Just missed him!

Ouch!

Does this picture hurt anyone else's eyes?

Grandma Bure

Don't get me wrong, we love our neighbors....just not the one who lives next door. Daryl and I refer to her as Grandma Bure after the crazy old woman from the Drew and Mike show. (Click here and you can listen to her drops...Scroll down to the Grandma Bure section) Her name is really Josephine. Her hobbies include collecting garden statues and driving us nuts with her incessant whining about our lawn. (Our garden friends from left to right: Rooster, Duck, Seagull, Canadian Goose, Fawn, Regular Goose, Eagle, Doe.) Our lawn is fine, but she somehow sees some imperfections when she spends countless hours each day hunkered down next to it. Yes, there are blades of grass that occasionally stick through the fence into...gasp...her flower bed, but what else is new? I'll tell you what...! The green stick infestation in her front yard, that's what! All I know is when I came home from work today her front yard looked like this...

Now I couldn't get ALL of the green poles (or whatever they are) in the photo, so you'll have to use your imagination. Maybe she's trying to call the mother ship to take her home. I don't know. I cannot for the life of me figure out what they are. Anywho...I think she's just about had enough...