Merry Christmas

I love this little message maker that office depot has. I made a message featuring my dad and I have to say that it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Here's hoping you're done with all your shopping. (I'm not.)

Have a good Christmas!

Oh No They Didn't!

Well, I was at Target yesterday. I was Christmas shopping, and I went down the pink Barbie aisle to look at Barbie dolls for my cousin. I picked up a Barbie that came with a dog because, you know, I like dogs and it seemed like a good combo. Then, I looked a little closer at that package. Then, I showed Daryl and we just about had a melt-down in the middle of Target. I was laughing so hard I was crying and people were looking at us. Staring, really. So, here's the product:


Did you know Barbie® doll has a dog named Tanner™? This pooch is has a mouth, ears, and tail that move with your help! You can even “feed” Tanner dog biscuits! After the pup goes potty, just clean up with a special trash can and magnetic scooper. Good doggie!

Okay, in case it's hard to see the picture, let me break it down for you. Yes, that is a pooper scooper in Barbie's hand. Has it really come to this, Barbie. I mean, when I was younger, you worked at McDonald's so that you could afford your chintzy silver Corvette, but this has really gone too far. The specific workings of the dog food/dog poop relationship were outlined on the back of the box at the store. You see, the food is conveniently brown and turd shaped. The child who plays with the toy can feed the dog the food and then lift its tail to see him poop it out. Then, I guess it's time for old Barbie to go to work with her scooper. Then, I guess it's just a matter of recycling if you will.

If you go to this link, you will see that Barbie has not done a good job of picking up the yard and Tanner has taken it upon himself to clean up.

Unfortunately, this doesn't end with Barbie and Tanner.

Teresa® doll takes great care of her adorable pet! Mika™ cat can drink water from a bottle and really “wet” her litter box. Teresa® even scoops up the clumps! They come with cool cat toys, a cat food bowl, different colored kitty litter, and more. Good kitty!

Guess WHAT!?!

I am going to Mexico.

Guess how many days until I go? Did you guess? You can click here to find out the answer.

I thought that you all were not so good at the contest I put up. I don't think I'll have any contests where I promise prizes anymore because, really, I'm no good at getting prizes together. Let's face it. I can barely get my Christmas shopping done. If you feel like you deserve a prize, then you probably do, so click here. There's your prize!

As a person in life, what grade would you give yourself. I'm feeling like maybe a B- today. That's pretty generous, don't you think?

C o n t e s t

Who can tell me the lyrics to the following songs? No fair cheating by looking them up.

This one gets progressively more difficult.

This one is also difficult (but no progressively so).

I heard this at Pilar's wedding and, well, I like it...but the lyrics???

The wiener of this contest will get a wonderful prize.

In Response to Dad's Comment

My Favorite Scene

I just have to say that I love the scene in Napoleon Dynamite when he's dancing with what's her name and that song is playing. So good. Oh wait, that's maybe when Napoleon arrives at the dance. Doesn't matter. I love it.

so many adventures couldn't happen today

so many songs we forgot to play

so many dreams are swinging out of the blue

we let them come true

Damn It!

Too bad my birtday is already past. And that I don't live in Florida.

Or else....

No Wonder I Feel LIke a Troll

Have you seen this video?
Model makeover
You have to click play video.
This is quite distubing and bizarre. Do you think they do this to every picture in magazines, etc?

About This Weekend

I was going to call this blog "Fun Things About This Weekend," but then I realized that fun is in the eye of the beholder.

1. Daryl was home.
2. The time change (very awesome).
3. I got a new coat for my birthday.
4. We got a new rake (not for my birthday, but just in general).
5. I had the best waitress ever at Max & Erma's.
6. Sweetums learned to 'hump'. Is there a better word for this? Sorry to be offensive, but it is what it is.
7. There was a guy sitting in his car outside our house putting on makeup for about 15 minutes. He appeared to be neither gay nor a clown. Weird.
8. I made chip dip and it was so good with my chips.
9. I went to Borders and spent my gift certificate. Bookstores make me happy.
10. Barkley and Sweetums got to play with Elsie, Pepper, and Jazzy all in one weekend.
11. Uncle Tom was in the Free Press. Look at his picture:

More Tigers...

What can I say? I'm just so excited about the Tigers. Ok. Not so excited that I had to buy an AL Champs shirt at JC Penney's when I was there on Sunday like the mobs of other people. No, I'm not that person.
How cool is Detroit? Well, it turns out that besides all the crack houses and burnt out buildings in complete disrepair, actually pretty cool. Signs that Detroit is cooler than all other cities:

1. Kid Rock gave an impromptu performance when the Tigers won.(Click here to see.)
2. There is a new Tigers' song. (Well, isn't there always...some joker has to make one.)
3. Well, we have Pudge. Say no more.

Go Tigers!

Congratulations Tigers! ALCS Champs! To the WORLD SERIES!!!
(Also, happy 100th blog to me.)

Go Detroit Tigers!

What a Good Book

I love reading. Right now I'm reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (He writes like the Dickens...hahar har). Anyway, have you ever read this? I like it.
Not that I have a choice since I have to teach it this year, but it's good that I like it. I'm about two chapters ahead of the kids, so I'm as surprised as they are when something happens. They ask me, "Do you ever find out why such and so did that?" And I'm very clever; I say, "You'll have to wait and see." See, I have no idea really.
My lack of knowledge as far as classic literature goes is astonishing to me. You would think that I might have read some of this stuff in college. I've read Olaudo Equiano like four times (which I do teach in one class, so I guess that paid off), but I somehow never got to read other classics. Weird.

The Bat

I was alarmed when I checked my blog comments to see that someone was unfamiliar with The Bat.

AKA Pepper

She is a two ton package of muscle and pudge. She is as fast as a race car and as mean as a werewolf. She acquired the nickname The Bat from going up-side-down and sticking her ears back, looking much like a ferocious bat.

How We Spent Our Weekend

(Without pictures...sorry)

By Bat

Mom and Dad go on a smelly bus full of senior citizens to get a new supply of Jesus juice. Dad hold his AARP card up so lady will let him play bus BINGO.

Anyroo, we stay with crazy nieces Barkley and Sweetums. They play crazy and bite each other in the head all day long. Barkley, she lose her collar a lot. Why nont her big ears keep it on?

Cousin Daryl and Sandy Big Clunky I'm Late For Work Shoes are stingy with the cookies. We cry best we can, but only three or four cookies a day come offa the counter.

So Elsie, she cry real loud and them BAM....her tail busts open at the seam. It get all over the couch and she throw up orange stuff too. Now really no cookies.

Just in Time for the Play-Offs

I have carefully conducted a poll of over 100 people in my free time, and I am proud to present the 2006 Sandy Tiger-A-Thon Award Winners.

Here are the results...

Hottest jaw line.............Pudge

Player most likely to be a distant relative of mine.....Sean Casey

Player whose age will most surprise you.............Curtis Granderson (He's only 24)

Resident fattie (who by default hits awesome home runs)......Matt Stairs

Secret hottie........Brandon Inge (don't tell Daryl)

Cabbage Patch doll look-a-like.........Magglio Ordonez

Funniest name.........Jordan Tata

Most likely to think he's spotted a Chupacabra during practice.... Carlos Guillen

Most likely to charge out of the dugout much like a raging bull.....Pudge

What the heck?

Now all of my pictures have turned into big red x's. I didn't tell it to do that. What's going on?? How am I supposed to post my comparison of Magglio Ordonez and a cabbage patch kid if I can't use pictures?

Things I Hate

Yippee, my sidebar has returned to its upright and proper position. Okay. Enough celebrating... on to the list of things I hate.

1. That guy in the paper who writes the column about how to win at bridge. Get a real job, puh-lease.
2. Blackhawks.
3. Screaming teenagers at 7:00 in the morning. It's homecoming time again!!
4. That my garage door opener only works about 25% of the time and I have to hit the button and run real fast in my work clothes and almost get killed by the door.
5. Candy corn.
6. Cleaning.
7. When people pay for their groceries with a check and don't even get their checkbook out until the cashier tells them the total. Is the fact that you actually have to pay a total surprise???
8. All holidays and holiday decorations.
9. (8b really) Christmas ads in October. You know they're on their way....we only have a few more Christmas-free weeks left, so you best enjoy it.
10. Larry King.
11. Children who have cell phones.
12. Copier jams. (Please clear the jam in area 4A, 2C, 5D, J10....you sunk my battleship.)
13. Stupid people who don't realize they're stupid.
14. When I'm trying to just buy my groceries and get the hell OUT of Meijer and the cashier has to ask if I want to buy a fountain drink. Uh, no. I plan to go home and EAT SOME OF MY GROCERIES IF YOU'LL LET ME OUT OF THE STORE.
15. People at work asking if I'm new when I have worked there for 3 years.
16. While I am fixing the jammed copier.

Back to School

Well, yesterday was the first day of school. That means today was the 2nd day. I'm a little bit tired, my eyes hurt, and my patience is running low. All seems fine so far otherwise. Oh, except that I have 34 kids in one of my classes. What the heck? That is too many essays to grade. Too many. I need a bigger room. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Rainy Day

I woke up today and smiled because I knew exactly what my dad would be saying. "That's a nice, soaking rain." In fact, my dad has many different classifications for rainy days. Here they are...
A drizzle...That'll be a nice, soaking rain.
Moderate rain....That's a nice, soaking rain.
A downpour....That's a nice, soaking rain.
Hurricane style rain....That's good for my garden. That's a nice, soaking rain.

New Girl

Because I have no life right now, I will tell you about our neighbor. Partly, I just want to pass on Daryl's new theory because I love it.
You see, our neighbor is probably about our age, he lives by himself, and he used to have this girlfriend who was very nice. She would chat with me over the fence sometimes. I could really envision living next door to her once they got married...ya da ya da. I think it would have been nice to have someone my age around here to talk with...our neighbor is nice, but not much of a conversationalist....so the girlfriend filled that void.
HOWEVER, I was walking Barkley and Sweetums a few weeks ago and my neighbor...we'll call him George...George is outside with a teeny tiny little yorkie dog. "Did you get a dog?" I asked him. He DOES NOT seem like the kind of person who would have a yorkie. So he says, "No, it's my girlfriend's." Thinking that it was the girlfriend that I always talked with, I almost replied with oh, I didn't know she had a dog or something of the sort, but then I didn't and I'm glad. Why? BECAUSE I soon found out that this was not the old girlfriend. He had a new one...just...like...that! Bam!
So, let me tell you about this new one. I don't like her for starters. She walks her Yorkie around the block wearing gold shiny pants. Uh, yeah. Then, she drives a brand new red convertable Thunderbird. And, oh, she is not smart. I've only talked to her briefly and I can tell you that. She's a hair twirler. So, apparently George dumped the good girlfriend to go out with this yahoo. I don't know.
This week Daryl came up for a theme song for George...I love it. Once you hear it, you'll understand what Daryl's theory is.