No Wonder I Feel LIke a Troll

Have you seen this video?
Model makeover
You have to click play video.
This is quite distubing and bizarre. Do you think they do this to every picture in magazines, etc?

About This Weekend

I was going to call this blog "Fun Things About This Weekend," but then I realized that fun is in the eye of the beholder.

1. Daryl was home.
2. The time change (very awesome).
3. I got a new coat for my birthday.
4. We got a new rake (not for my birthday, but just in general).
5. I had the best waitress ever at Max & Erma's.
6. Sweetums learned to 'hump'. Is there a better word for this? Sorry to be offensive, but it is what it is.
7. There was a guy sitting in his car outside our house putting on makeup for about 15 minutes. He appeared to be neither gay nor a clown. Weird.
8. I made chip dip and it was so good with my chips.
9. I went to Borders and spent my gift certificate. Bookstores make me happy.
10. Barkley and Sweetums got to play with Elsie, Pepper, and Jazzy all in one weekend.
11. Uncle Tom was in the Free Press. Look at his picture:

More Tigers...

What can I say? I'm just so excited about the Tigers. Ok. Not so excited that I had to buy an AL Champs shirt at JC Penney's when I was there on Sunday like the mobs of other people. No, I'm not that person.
How cool is Detroit? Well, it turns out that besides all the crack houses and burnt out buildings in complete disrepair, actually pretty cool. Signs that Detroit is cooler than all other cities:

1. Kid Rock gave an impromptu performance when the Tigers won.(Click here to see.)
2. There is a new Tigers' song. (Well, isn't there always...some joker has to make one.)
3. Well, we have Pudge. Say no more.

Go Tigers!

Congratulations Tigers! ALCS Champs! To the WORLD SERIES!!!
(Also, happy 100th blog to me.)

Go Detroit Tigers!

What a Good Book

I love reading. Right now I'm reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (He writes like the Dickens...hahar har). Anyway, have you ever read this? I like it.
Not that I have a choice since I have to teach it this year, but it's good that I like it. I'm about two chapters ahead of the kids, so I'm as surprised as they are when something happens. They ask me, "Do you ever find out why such and so did that?" And I'm very clever; I say, "You'll have to wait and see." See, I have no idea really.
My lack of knowledge as far as classic literature goes is astonishing to me. You would think that I might have read some of this stuff in college. I've read Olaudo Equiano like four times (which I do teach in one class, so I guess that paid off), but I somehow never got to read other classics. Weird.

The Bat

I was alarmed when I checked my blog comments to see that someone was unfamiliar with The Bat.

AKA Pepper

She is a two ton package of muscle and pudge. She is as fast as a race car and as mean as a werewolf. She acquired the nickname The Bat from going up-side-down and sticking her ears back, looking much like a ferocious bat.

How We Spent Our Weekend

(Without pictures...sorry)

By Bat

Mom and Dad go on a smelly bus full of senior citizens to get a new supply of Jesus juice. Dad hold his AARP card up so lady will let him play bus BINGO.

Anyroo, we stay with crazy nieces Barkley and Sweetums. They play crazy and bite each other in the head all day long. Barkley, she lose her collar a lot. Why nont her big ears keep it on?

Cousin Daryl and Sandy Big Clunky I'm Late For Work Shoes are stingy with the cookies. We cry best we can, but only three or four cookies a day come offa the counter.

So Elsie, she cry real loud and them BAM....her tail busts open at the seam. It get all over the couch and she throw up orange stuff too. Now really no cookies.

Just in Time for the Play-Offs

I have carefully conducted a poll of over 100 people in my free time, and I am proud to present the 2006 Sandy Tiger-A-Thon Award Winners.

Here are the results...

Hottest jaw line.............Pudge

Player most likely to be a distant relative of mine.....Sean Casey

Player whose age will most surprise you.............Curtis Granderson (He's only 24)

Resident fattie (who by default hits awesome home runs)......Matt Stairs

Secret hottie........Brandon Inge (don't tell Daryl)

Cabbage Patch doll look-a-like.........Magglio Ordonez

Funniest name.........Jordan Tata

Most likely to think he's spotted a Chupacabra during practice.... Carlos Guillen

Most likely to charge out of the dugout much like a raging bull.....Pudge

What the heck?

Now all of my pictures have turned into big red x's. I didn't tell it to do that. What's going on?? How am I supposed to post my comparison of Magglio Ordonez and a cabbage patch kid if I can't use pictures?

Things I Hate

Yippee, my sidebar has returned to its upright and proper position. Okay. Enough celebrating... on to the list of things I hate.

1. That guy in the paper who writes the column about how to win at bridge. Get a real job, puh-lease.
2. Blackhawks.
3. Screaming teenagers at 7:00 in the morning. It's homecoming time again!!
4. That my garage door opener only works about 25% of the time and I have to hit the button and run real fast in my work clothes and almost get killed by the door.
5. Candy corn.
6. Cleaning.
7. When people pay for their groceries with a check and don't even get their checkbook out until the cashier tells them the total. Is the fact that you actually have to pay a total surprise???
8. All holidays and holiday decorations.
9. (8b really) Christmas ads in October. You know they're on their way....we only have a few more Christmas-free weeks left, so you best enjoy it.
10. Larry King.
11. Children who have cell phones.
12. Copier jams. (Please clear the jam in area 4A, 2C, 5D, J10....you sunk my battleship.)
13. Stupid people who don't realize they're stupid.
14. When I'm trying to just buy my groceries and get the hell OUT of Meijer and the cashier has to ask if I want to buy a fountain drink. Uh, no. I plan to go home and EAT SOME OF MY GROCERIES IF YOU'LL LET ME OUT OF THE STORE.
15. People at work asking if I'm new when I have worked there for 3 years.
16. While I am fixing the jammed copier.

Back to School

Well, yesterday was the first day of school. That means today was the 2nd day. I'm a little bit tired, my eyes hurt, and my patience is running low. All seems fine so far otherwise. Oh, except that I have 34 kids in one of my classes. What the heck? That is too many essays to grade. Too many. I need a bigger room. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Rainy Day

I woke up today and smiled because I knew exactly what my dad would be saying. "That's a nice, soaking rain." In fact, my dad has many different classifications for rainy days. Here they are...
A drizzle...That'll be a nice, soaking rain.
Moderate rain....That's a nice, soaking rain.
A downpour....That's a nice, soaking rain.
Hurricane style rain....That's good for my garden. That's a nice, soaking rain.

New Girl

Because I have no life right now, I will tell you about our neighbor. Partly, I just want to pass on Daryl's new theory because I love it.
You see, our neighbor is probably about our age, he lives by himself, and he used to have this girlfriend who was very nice. She would chat with me over the fence sometimes. I could really envision living next door to her once they got married...ya da ya da. I think it would have been nice to have someone my age around here to talk with...our neighbor is nice, but not much of a conversationalist....so the girlfriend filled that void.
HOWEVER, I was walking Barkley and Sweetums a few weeks ago and my neighbor...we'll call him George...George is outside with a teeny tiny little yorkie dog. "Did you get a dog?" I asked him. He DOES NOT seem like the kind of person who would have a yorkie. So he says, "No, it's my girlfriend's." Thinking that it was the girlfriend that I always talked with, I almost replied with oh, I didn't know she had a dog or something of the sort, but then I didn't and I'm glad. Why? BECAUSE I soon found out that this was not the old girlfriend. He had a new one...just...like...that! Bam!
So, let me tell you about this new one. I don't like her for starters. She walks her Yorkie around the block wearing gold shiny pants. Uh, yeah. Then, she drives a brand new red convertable Thunderbird. And, oh, she is not smart. I've only talked to her briefly and I can tell you that. She's a hair twirler. So, apparently George dumped the good girlfriend to go out with this yahoo. I don't know.
This week Daryl came up for a theme song for George...I love it. Once you hear it, you'll understand what Daryl's theory is.

What is Wrong with My Sidebar?

Seriously now! Is there a specific reason it has moved to the bottom of the page? Have I offended it in some way?

The Blog-o-Versary is Upon Us

Well, Aug. 20th is my blog-o-versary. One year of post this ridiculous blog. Can you believe it? I figured that I ought to post about it today since I am going to Wahington DC to celebrate my blog-o-versary on the actual blog-o-versary. Ok, maybe that's not actually why I'm going to DC, but nevertheless, I won't be here.
Happy One Year of BLOGGING!

My Theory

Well, you've probably seen Nicole Richie on TV. She's famous for...nothing. Oh, her dad is Lionel Richie, big deal. Wait, you cry. I've seen the VH1 Behind the Scenes. Lionel is her adoptive dad. This, of course, begs the question, who is her real dad? I have a theory. It came to me in a burst of enlightenment. Call me Voltaire. I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but I did, and my theory is excellent. I think Prince or the artist formerly known as Prince or the Purple dude might be her dad. I have several reasons for this theory. First, they look a lot alike. Then, both Lionel Richie and Prince worked closely with Shelia E, so there's a connection. Really, Nicole Richie's father is rumored to be Shelia E's brother, but I don't buy it. It's more fun to think that Prince is her real dad.

I Might Need a Hobby

With Daryl being at work pretty much constantly and me being home all the time, I have been developing some strange habits. I was sitting at my kitchen counter today, eating my left-over Chinese food from last night, and I looked down at Sweetums and Barkley and said, "Are you the puppies?" When they didn't answer I repeated myself in a more sing-song voice as if that would elicit a response. They wagged their tails at me which either meant you are so stupid and we feel sorry for you or give us your General Tso's Chicken.
Either way, my days are now filled with such ridiculous conversations. Oh, I ask them other questions too like, "Are you a happy puppy?" and "Where's the good girl?" Don't ask me why.
Another problem I have is that MTV is running a "Laguna Beach: Life in the Real O.C." Marathon. How many times have I watched Jason kiss Jessica when he is supposed to be hooking up with Lauren? I'm not sure I want to know.

Barkley's Song

Barkley's Song
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you can't get me out of your face
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to lick you

And kitty in your lap or no
When you're too in love to let her go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to lick you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you can't get me out of your face
Tears stream down your face
And I will try to lick you
Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from your mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to lick you.

I love the first picture...notice that I am holding the cat. She doesn't mind though.
Ok, who am I kidding? If you have ever watched Sesame Street, you know that this is the real Barkely song. Who can guess what it is?? I'll give you a prize if you know.

Have Any Extra Money Sitting Around?

You may have noticed a new feature on my blog called "Something You Probably Don't Want to Buy from Ebay." I just checked to make sure that the links still work and was surprised to notice that both items that I had featured sold for a considerable amount of money. Would you pay $86 for a stuffed armadillo? I didn't think so...because I wouldn't have any friends that would do something so silly. If I found out about any sillyness of that sort, you would immediately cease to be my friend. No pressure though. Seriously, someone paid 86 dollars for a stuffed armadillo. Why do you need that? What are you going to do with it?? Don't even get me started on the gourds. Uh.
Here is some other crap from Ebay that I'll be mad if anyone actually buys:
Item #1
Item #2
Item #3
Item #4

I Miss You, Victor Newman!

Y&R, a blast from the past!
Well, I thought that I would subscribe to the Free Press so that I could be more educated about the going-ons of our community, nation, and world. It turns out that I pretty much try to do the crosswork puzzle, clip coupons (I saved 5.50 last time I shopped at Meijer), and read the soap opera update in the TV Guide. Oh, and I also cut out pictures of Pudge Rodriguez from the Sports sections and magnet them to the refrigerator.
Well, I had almost forgotten about good ol' Y&R (rightly so) until I opened up my copy of the TVBOOK, and saw a synopsis of last week. Here's what's happening:
After sharing his true past with Victoria, Brad learned the Sharon has been kidnapped, with the abductor demanding a reliquary that Brad's mother has knowledge of in return for Sharon's life. Encouraged by Jack to pursue his spiritual journey, Vicotr sought out Hope in Kansas, where he suffered a seizure. When Alex demanded more money, Kevin and Gloria drugged him and made him believe they had a security tape on which Alex was trying to rape a woman. However, urged by Phyllis to tell the truth, Daniel finally told Lily what really happened at the recreation center that night. Over Lily's protests, Neil called the police and insisted that Lily speak to the officer.

My favorite Y&R characters (in order of favoriteness):
1. Victor Newman (duh)
2. Jack Abbott









3. Katherine 'Kay' Shepard Reynolds Chancellor Thurston Romalotti Romalotti
4. Jill Foster Brooks Abbott Abbott