Cesar is Back!

And he is ready to train some dogs. Tonight's episode: "Buddy, Teddy, and Matilda" Episode #203. A dog stalks and kills small animals; a poodle chases cars; an English bulldog attacks skateboards." If you have never watched the dog whisperer, you are missing out. Barkley even says so. I have a feeling that Cesar is going to tell the family with the dog that stalks and kills small animals that their dog has serious problems. Maybe he'll have to take it to the dog rehabilitation center for treatment.

You know, yesterday I had an epiphany. Crazy people always have lots of keys. So many, many more than one person would need... There are several (SEVERAL) crazy teachers at the school I work at. They each have about a million keys. Just to be fair, I need to say up front that I will exclude the custodians from the keys=crazy rule. It's necessary for them to have tons of keys, therefore not crazy. Back to the ones who are crazy though. We have this shop teacher and I know you're probably thinking of your own shop teacher from back in the day, but this guy takes the cake. And he has a lot of keys. They don't even fit in his pocket because he has too many. So that's a signb too. If you're carry your keys on your belt loop somehow...you might be in trouble.

My Journey to Bloomington, Indiana (and Back)

We went to see Kelly and Chip this weekend. I wish I could have snapped a photo of ALL the crazy moments, but there are only so many pictures you can take. First off, we decided to go on the weekend where we would have to drive through the world's worst snow flurries and wind. Once we got there, however, the moments turned into the good crazy kind. Of course, that was AFTER Daryl apologized for threatening to leave me in the bathroom at the Chelsea, MI Big Boy Restuarant.
On Saturday, we went to my favorite store--Target---where else? I had to buy a bathing suit. You'll see why later. Then, we went to the Cold Stone Creamery where I had never been before. I got Apple Pie al a Mode (or however you spell it) ice cream. It was great. Chip kept throwing his waffle cone on the floor and that was kind of embarrassing. Of course, this was after lunch where Daryl dropped his hot dog in an even more embarrassing spot, so I suppose Chip's antics pale in comparison to Daryl's.
Then, Kelly and I went swimming. (See, this is where the bathing suit comes in.) The boys stayed behind and played a rousing game of Scrabble. Kelly and I pretended we were on a tropical Indiana vacation and stayed in the pool until we looked like Prunes. I think I got a tan. Just kidding.
Then, we went back to Kelly's and I did one of my favorite things. I took a nap. After that, Kelly made us yummy steak and potatoes on her George Foreman grill. We had to gear up for our big night out. After about three rounds of Apples to Apples, we were ready to start getting ready. Kelly and I mushed together in one bathroom to get ready just for old times sake. Then, when we looked like mega-babes, we left for the bar.
Kelly told me to get a long island iced tea, so I did. When it came, I was surprised (and pleased) to see that it was served to me in a full sized pitcher with a straw. Kelly did not tell me that even though she knew.
When we had our fill of iced-tea, we drove home listening to Laffy Taffy. It was great.
The next day, we pretty much bummed around and I taught Kelly "Oh Heck," which I learned from Holly. I was hoping I could teach Kelly and then I could win against her. However, Kelly caught on quickly, and I bet she could even give Holly a run for her money.
We were so sad to leave the 60 degree Bloomington the next day. :-( We drove and drove the six hour drive back to Michigan, stopped by my mom's to pick up the dog and cat, and drove to our house. When we opened the door, it felt cold. When I looked at the thermostat, it said 51 degrees. Our furnance was broken. We had to drive back to my parents and spend the night so we didn't wake up with hypothermia. I hate Michigan.

P.S. The only song I like more than Laffy Taffy right now is The Honkey-Tonk Badonkadonk.

Flava Flav

Flava Flav has a new show. Daryl just let me know that it's on right now, so I have to go watch it. I don't know why anyone...especially me...would want to waste my time watching this show. It is totally ridiculous but a very good time waster.

He is out of control. With his clocks and all.

Happy Saturday

It is SO Saturday today. I am not ashamed to admit that I slept until 10:30 and did not take a shower until noon. It was beautiful.
Now, I am off to one of my very favorite places-the library. I love it. I cannot get over the fact that there is a place you can go and borrow books for free. For free. I love free stuff. Of course, the books aren't always free for me because I tend to forget that I have them and then I have to pay overdue fines. That's okay though. That's why I haven't been back to the Grosse Pointe library in a while...I owe $6.00. What a scam. Oh well.

Ten Hours Until I Have to Start Teaching AGAIN

In honor of the ten hour mark...
Top Ten Questions Paris Hilton Asked Herself Before Buying A Monkey
10. "Does it go with my shoes?"
9. "Should I get the extended warranty that covers replacement monkey parts?"
8. "Which species got the best rating from 'Consumer Monkey Reports'?"
7. "Does Louis Vuitton make monkey-wear?"
6. "Will it get along with whatever wealthy twit I'm currently engaged to?"
5. "If I don't buy this monkey, does that mean the terrorists have won?"
4. "Will it get along with Lindsay Lohan's orangutan?"
3. "Should I consider leasing?"
2. "Can it be trained to hold a video camera?"
1. "Will I still want a monkey when I'm sober?"

Thanks Dave.
He rocks.

Now, something fun from Huckleberry Finn which I will be discussing in room 244 at 8:00 AM tomorrow.
"After breakfast I wanted to talk about the dead man and guess out how he come to be killed, but Jim didn't want to. He said it would fetch bad luck; and besides, he said, he might come and ha'nt us; he said a man that warn't buried was more likely to go a-ha'nting around than one that was planted and comfortable. That sounded pretty reasonable, so I didn't say no more; but I couldn't keep from studing over it and wishing I knowed who shot the man, and what they done it for."
Thanks Mark Twain.
He rocked.

I am Sophia

Which Golden Girl Are You?

Ouch

Happy New Year I guess. I have come to a conclusion, and it is a very sad one. I am far too old for New Year's Eve parties. Also, Steve's Fruitinis are dangerous and should be outlawed.

Bonbini!

Bonbini means welcome if you're in Aruba. How do I know that? Well, I'm thinking about moving there. When Daryl initially asked me if I wanted to move to Aruba, I laughed. "Haha. You silly man. We can't move to Aruba. What would we do with our house, etc, etc?" So, Daryl did not put in for the job transfer to Aruba, but his friend Rich did. So, Rich is seriously moving to Aruba with his wife. They will live there for two to five years. Now that I know the deal, I'm working it all out in my head, and I pretty much think that we will be moving to Aruba the next time the opportunity presents itself. I am pretty darn sick of my job, so if I can move to Aruba and lay on the beach all day, so be it.
You know, this is the problem with my life. It is far too normal. I have always had everything nice and planned out. Of course, it has worked out well for me. But I think it's time to cut loose a little bit, you know, kick off my Sunday shoes. I think it's time to move to Aruba or some other tropical paradise.
When I started seriously considering Aruba, Daryl thought I was a little crazy, but I think he's just about ready to get on board. At first he said, "Won't you be bored in Aruba after a little while?" I said, "Well, I think they probably have a Barnes and Noble somewhere on that island and that solves all my troubles."
***I just sneezed about ten times and it's making me really mad because my nose is making it almost impossible to finish my blog.****
What's good about living in Aruba? Oh, lots of things. First, I could just take a sabbatical from my job probably and say sianara to all of that for a little while. Next, the government would pay all of our moving costs. Also, we would get a weekly allowance for food and housing. Now, the good thing is that the government doesn't give you what it costs to eat in Aruba....They give you enough to pay for what it costs to eat here, so you have tons of money left over. Lobster every night, baby. To top it all off, they would give Daryl extra vacations for "home leave" so that we could visit our loved ones whenever we wanted. Sounds good to me. Sign me up. So, who wants to come visit us in Aruba?

82 Degrees

Did you know that the average high in Cancun in February is 82 degrees? I do. How do I know? I know because I am obsessed with my upcoming trip to Mexico. I cannot wait to blow this popstand and get somewhere warm. Today I opened the back door to let Barkley out, and I said, "Gee, it feels pretty warm out." I actually said that. It was 37 degrees. So, yes, I need some help.
My other vacation for 2006 will be an all expense paid trip to Washington D.C. The airfare, lodging, transportation, and admission fees to wonderful sites are all included. Am I the lucky winner of a contest? I'm afraid I am not. It's called "8th Grade Class Trip." Thinking back to my own days in middle school, I remember going on two field trips. We went on a foreign excursion...to a fort in Canada, which was very boring. This was in 6th grade. Then, the biggie came in 7th grade. We took a two-parter, actually. One week we went to the waste water treatment plant, and the next week we went to the water clean-up facility. The first smelling much worse than the second. You could actually see the poo floating in the water. It was disgusting. After seeing the whole process, I can't say that I was excited to drink tap water anymore.
My trips don't even begin to rival my dad's middle school trip. They went to the sanitarium. Fun, fun.
So, I guess things could be a lot worse, but I'm not sure going to our nation's capitol with a throng of Polo-horse wearing, Evian drinking 13 year olds is going to be a joyride either. I'll let you know. Happy 2006 if I don't talk to you before then.

No One Ever Said It Would Be Easy

Well-
My big fat giant paper is due tomorrow. So, this is classic Sandy. I am such a procrastinator. My paper is called, "Reading Choice in the Middle School Classroom." I am thinking of changing it to "The Metacognitive Effects of Independently Read Texts in the Adolescent Learning Environment." What do you think? I am planning to talk about "standard deviation" and "n=" and all the other things that professors like. Before long, my coffee will wear off, and as usual I will wake up at 4:00 AM to finish my paper, go to work, edit after work, then send it in the email to my professor. Cuz that's how I roll.

New topic. My mom has made a hobby of posting fake Christmas gifts on her website. She picks out funny things for Paul, Daryl, and me. When she isn't busy finding and posting these ridiculous gifts, she spends her time asking me if I've checked to see my new gift yet. What she doesn't know is that I would actually use the gift that she has up right now so maybe it's not so funny. Here it is:
What she doesn't know is that I would not put the dog in it. I would put the cat in there and roll her around the neighborhood. I might put the horns on her too and maybe even wear horns myself. She would like that. Then, she would probably get home and bite me. Cuz that's how she rolls.

I have to tell you how this whole Christmas gift fiasco started. You see, it's been a favorite pastime for my mom and me to find the most hideous item in the weekly circulars and say, "That's what I'm getting you for _______." You can just fill in whatever the most appropriate holiday is in the blank there. Generally, there's good stuff in the jewelry section of the Sear's flyer. My mom has obviously taken this game to a whole new level though. So here....drum roll please.... is what I know my mom desperately desires to get for Christmas. You can bet your buttons that it will make it's way to her stocking on December 25.....

She has always wanted a "Kenneth" ID bracelet. Haven't you? Okay, okay. Time to get serious. What would mom really like to see in her stocking on Christmas Day? I'll give you one hint (okay.. a couple). She sees him every single night. He's a really good cook. He eats ham. He's really funny (to my mom at least).... Give up?


Alton Brown!!! Har har har....


Look how handsome. See the way his brow scrunches up? That's because he's so serious about food. I put his picture up REALLY LARGE for you, mom. When he's not wearing his super cool sexy shades, he has dork glasses. Sorry, mom, but he does. Here he is in his dork glasses. I don't know what the heck's wrong with the photo, but you can see his dork glasses, and that's all that matters. (Capital letter compound sentence comma conjunction end punctuation) I need to go write my paper now.

My Biggest Fear is Put to Rest

Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I have been terrified by opossums. I think I have mentioned them before. There is nothing good about them. They hiss, they are ugly, and they hiss. Like I mentioned in my blog before, my fear of opossums really took root when my dad told me that they would drop out of the trees as I was walking to high school in the black of night at 6:45 in the morning. My fears can now all go away. I have found out that opossums don't even hang by their tails! Check it out. They do, however have opposable thumbs. Who knew?

Top ten signs you live in Michigan in November

10. You are currently using a vat of lip balm each day.
9. You thoroughly enjoy the entertainment value of your neighbor's sprinkler system freezing and producing a giant geyser when the underground pipe system cracks.
8. You are so entertained that you take pictures of the geyser (that do not turn out because it is 5:00 and pitch black out).
7. It takes you longer to get dressed to go on a walk with your dog than the actual walk takes.
6. You are cold 24/7.
5. It takes about 15 minutes to get up the courage to get the mail from the mailbox on your front porch.
4. Because it is so cold, one of the local radio stations assumes that it is okay to play Christmas music from November 1st onward. Let's remember what happens when we assume.
3. Run out of refrigerator space on Thanksgiving day? No problemo. Put it out in the garage!
2. Your jaw is sore from mashing your teeth together when you have to leave the comfort of the house.
1. You think about that vacation to Mexico at least once each hour.

Happy Belated Halloween

Well, I realize it is well past Halloween, but no worry. You will still appreciate my Halloween pictures. My costume was in the works for several months. I thought about exactly what I wanted to wear in order to create the perfect Napoleon Dynamite costume. Now here comes the irony. Daryl made up his costume in five minutes and won a prize for his costume at O's Halloween party. How unfair. He was fifty-cent. Friggin' idiot.

Great Expectations.

C/O the Associated Press

OGDEN, Utah - There's a new fad of students — mostly girls — wearing pajama bottoms to school, and so far administrators are not making a fuss about it.
"Some days you don't want to get dressed up for school. Like when it's raining and cold. You just want to be cozy," said Ben Lomond junior Elvia Escalante, 16.
School administrators in Ogden, Weber and Davis school districts say the pajamas have been modest and there hasn't been a problem.
"There are worse things a kid could wear to school," said Ross Lunceford, principal of Hillcrest Elementary School in Ogden.
"There's a fine line there, and I think sometimes we need to pick our battles. Should we get into a tussle over pajamas?" said Eileen Nicholas, student and family services teacher specialist for Ogden district.
Administrators say there are daily dress-code struggles with students who like to wear short skirts, high- and low-cut shirts, gang-affiliated apparel and sagging or low-cut pants that show their underwear.
"Pajama bottoms would be an improvement for some of our kids," said Ogden High School Principal Ed Jenson.
"I just look at it as something silly. I don't know why teenagers dress the way they do," said Ogden High math teacher Mary Courney.
Some students don't think much of the attire.
"They may be comfy, but it makes you look trashy and it gives you the idea you can just slack off for the day," said Ben Lomond High School senior Alena Marshall, 18.
"Pajamas are for bedtime, not school. It makes the students more relaxed, so they're not focusing as much on their school work," said Ben Lomond High senior Tiffany Church, 17.
Ben Lomond High junior Lori Wayment, 16, was wearing pink-flowered cotton pajama bottoms last week, because, she said, "they're warm"
Ogden High freshman Karen Chacon, 14, said she was wearing her white pajama bottoms with blue vertical stripes, because "they're comfortable."
And Ogden High junior Jessica Hannah, 16, wore red pajama pants decorated with black AC/DC letters because "it's Friday."

Ta Dah!

My new piano is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Ever.

So Many Funny Pictures, So Little Time

As I was eating my shrimp egg foo young and getting it all over the keyboard, I was looking for good pictures. Mmm...shrimpy. Anyway, I found this one you see right here. This lady is on her 16th kid. Somebody, anybody make it stop. As my mom would say, "They know what causes that now." But really, that's not what makes her funny. Her mega mullet makes her funny. There's another picture on the web that makes it look like she is wearing her dog on her head. I'm not kidding. Ok. Wait. I just read the article and her hair is not the funniest part. She says she is ready for more children. And...

"The Learning Channel is doing another show about the family's construction project, a 7,000-square foot house that should be finished before Christmas. The home, which the family from the northwest Arkansas town of Rogers has been building for two years, will have nine bathrooms, dormitory-style bedrooms for the girls and boys, a commercial kitchen, four washing machines and four dryers.

Their children include two sets of twins, and each child has a name beginning with the letter "J": Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah."

When you need four washing machines, I think it might be time to stop. My favorite name by the way is Jinger. "Is that Ginger?" her teachers ask. "Oh, yes. Jinger with a J." Because she's special.

In other news, The Smurfs are on fire. You know what would be really funny? They could have this and then the Smurf song over it. Dah, Dah, dah dah dah DAHHH....dah da Dah di DAH. As if the world isn't miserable enough? Why do they need to set the Smurfs on fire. Okay, we get it. There are disasters all over. We feel bad. STOP IT.

And then there's this guy. His name is the troll. He is a Mexican wrestler.

Just some crazy guy...

I just saw a picture of Chris Elliot (of Something About Mary) on the internet and it reminded me of my dad. You know who else he looks like? Van Gogh (as in the guy who cut off his ear and then Don McLean wrote a song about him). I think they both have more hair than my dad though.

Ah, Squirrels.

On a Squirrel Crossing the Road in Autumn, in New England
by Richard Eberhart

It is what he does not know,
Crossing the road under the elm trees,
About the mechanism of my car,
About the Commonwealth of Massachusetts,
About Mozart, India, Arcturus,

That wins my praise. I engage
At once in the whirling squirrel-praise.

He obeys the orders of nature
Without knowing them.
It is what he does not know
That makes him beautiful.
Such a knot of little purposeful nature!

I who can see him as he cannot see himself
Repose in the ignorance that is his blessing.

It is what man does not know of God
Composes the visible poem of the world.
...Just missed him!

Ouch!

Does this picture hurt anyone else's eyes?

Grandma Bure

Don't get me wrong, we love our neighbors....just not the one who lives next door. Daryl and I refer to her as Grandma Bure after the crazy old woman from the Drew and Mike show. (Click here and you can listen to her drops...Scroll down to the Grandma Bure section) Her name is really Josephine. Her hobbies include collecting garden statues and driving us nuts with her incessant whining about our lawn. (Our garden friends from left to right: Rooster, Duck, Seagull, Canadian Goose, Fawn, Regular Goose, Eagle, Doe.) Our lawn is fine, but she somehow sees some imperfections when she spends countless hours each day hunkered down next to it. Yes, there are blades of grass that occasionally stick through the fence into...gasp...her flower bed, but what else is new? I'll tell you what...! The green stick infestation in her front yard, that's what! All I know is when I came home from work today her front yard looked like this...

Now I couldn't get ALL of the green poles (or whatever they are) in the photo, so you'll have to use your imagination. Maybe she's trying to call the mother ship to take her home. I don't know. I cannot for the life of me figure out what they are. Anywho...I think she's just about had enough...