How to Make Dinner While Caring for a Cranky Baby

1. Set baby in his chair.
2. Give baby his toy.
3. Turn around and start unloading the dishwasher.
4. Turn back around and pick up the baby toy from the ground.
5. Wash the dirty toy.
6. Give the toy back to baby.
7. Turn around and start unloading the dishwasher.
8. Turn around again and pick the toy up off the ground again.
9. Give the dirty toy to baby.
10. Ask baby to shhhh and tell baby you're trying to cook a delicious dinner.
11. Let the dogs out.
12. Start unloading the dishwasher.
13. Give the baby his pacifier.
14. Let the dogs back in.
15. Push the dogs back outside.
16. Go get a towel to dry off their muddy paws (it is raining outside, you doofus).
17. Pick the pacifier up from the floor and wash it off.
18. Give the pacifier back to baby.
19. Open the door to let the dogs in.
20. Where are the dogs?
21. Go outside to herd the dogs in toward the door.
22. Make funny faces at baby through the kitchen window so that he stops crying.
23. Dry off the dogs' feet.
24. Let the dogs inside.
25. Pick the pacifier and the toy up from the ground and place on counter top next to sink for future washing.
26. Start unloading the dishwasher.
27. Remind the dogs that no matter how much they beg, they will not be going outside again for a while.
28. Remember that you need to boil water to cook the pasta.
29. Get a pot out and fill with water.
30. Put the pot on the stove.
31. Make silly faces at the baby so that he stops cranking for a little while.
32. Realize that the song "Pump up the Jam" by Technotronic has come on the Music Choice Channel on the TV.
33. Consider walking over to shut the TV off but then change your mind because it's already taken you 20 minutes to unload the dishwasher and you just can't waste that kind of time.
34. Begin loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher.
35. Begin dancing around the kitchen like a nut because the baby thinks this is funny and stops crying for it.
36. Wonder what the heck they're singing about in this song. Are they saying "Oh I...a place to stay"? Oooh...remember the song "Pump Up the Volume"...also a mega dance hit from the 90s...it seems they were trying to pump everything up back then...but I digress.
37. Wonder why the water in the pot on the stove isn't boiling.
38. Check the stove to find out that the burner is still in the off position. A cold pot never boils.
39. Bust out a few more moves because the baby is fussing.

Remarkably, I did get the dinner cooked, the baby fed, the dogs fed, and myself fed. Ah....