What the World Needs Now

I just got a cell phone. Stop laughing. I said stop. I can't believe how much that stupid little thing can do. I remember when we could program computers to draw a square on the screen and we thought it was genius. Nowadays, the kids wouldn't even be impressed by a hexagon. Times have changed.
Here's my point though.... If my cell phone can do all kinds of crazy crap, I would like technology to help me out in other areas of my life too. Here's what I want: a self-maintaining refrigerator. I want to be able to pull my car up to Meijers and have some guy run out of the store at full speed to load my trunk up with groceries to last me for the next week. Best of all, because technology will have advanced so much, I won't even have to get my credit card out. Nope, they'll just have like this little scanner thing in my trunk and the guy will scan it and say, "You're all set ma'am; have a good one." And I'll say, "See you next week Joseph." His name will be Joseph.
Then, if the poeple who come up with all this garbage get really good, I won't have to leave my house at all. Nope. You see, there will be a chute that is open up on the roof of my house. Helicopters or airplanes will fly over and drop food through the chute into my refrigerator. It will be excellent. There will have to be some kind of scanner type thing that knows what kind of food I am out of, but I assume that this will be no problem. Look at my cell phone for God's sake. And a refrigerator is a lot bigger than a cell phone.
What about all the technology dummies you say? You know, they won't like all this automated crap. Oh, you mean like the people who still write checks at the grocery store? Who writes checks anymore? I don't even know where my checks are half the time. I know it's very unsafe and all, but that's the truth. Well, anyway, we'll still have the store open for those losers. They can go fill up their carts and pay with a check and be real slow. They can also park their carts length-wise across the aisle so that all the other losers can't get by. They can also have 5 or 6 brats following them around the store bouncing a basketball going, "Mom, can we buy this? Can we get this?" It won't matter because I won't go in the store because Joseph will come out and fill up my trunk with all the necessities. Or the helicopter will fly over (nice, right?) No, I won't even know that there are losers in the world anymore because I won't have to associate with them any longer. Meijer will have to post new signs by the checkout. Instead of "Express Lane" and "Candy Free Lane", every lane will say, "If you are a loser, stand here."