A List of Things I Secretly Don't Believe (or don't want to)

Here goes....
1. That my cat weighs 17.4 pounds.
2. That when you use Dawn dishwashing liquid the bubbles turn into little vacuum cleaners that suck up all the grease.
3. That the Woman with a 200 Pound Tumor show is on AGAIN tonight.
4. How long it's been since I've cleaned my house (no, I'm not telling).
5. That "The Simple Life" is now rerunning on E!.
6. And that I've been watching it.
7. That one of my teaching partners once shot a man trying to rob him by taking the robber's gun away from him (I've heard him tell the story twice now).
8. That one of my teaching partners (same one) is actually going to physical therapy each time he leaves the building saying, "I'm off to physical therapy."
9. That he once took an 8th grade boy to get tested for STDs with the boy's parents' blessing.
10. That he sings in a gospel choir downtown.
11. That he was once a raging alcoholic, in the army, an engineer, a principal, a notary public, an attorney, a grief counselor, and a loving father (not all at the same time, obviously).
12. That I have held myself back from calling this guy out on all his lies.
13. That I am 26 years old.
14. That it's 8:17 P.M. and Daryl still isn't home (even though he left for work at 6:00ish A.M.)
15. That anyone buys exercise videos from John Basedow...He's gonna show you how...to meet your potential...and turn your whole life around...(sing it with me) IT'S FITNESS MADE SIMPLE...la da dee da duh...